LS2

I feel really relieved that I came out and told him that he will leave or the kids and I will. It sort of came out at a bad time because he was at work, texting me this "I love you and want to be with you forever" I didn't text anything back and then he says something about being intrusive and saying that stuff. He keeps wanting to know if we are going to work on things.

He had called me and when I was talking (by the way he truely thinks I am cheating on him and that I am leaving him for another guy.not true) he thought he heard me saying, "Shhhh" to someone in the background! I was home, doing my homework by myself. I remember my crazy exbf from high school did the same exact thing to me..thinking he was hearing things and thought I was talking to someone in the background! Is he loosing it?

Well, I ended up texting him the your or I leave and he went kind of into: feeling sorry for himself, crying at work, crying to his boss, and then coming home to cry to me. Wondering why all of a sudden? and then he tries to convince me that he with do X,Y,and Z. I told him, No. This is it. I am done. You have had a million chances.

So now it's been more than a day and he is hopefully going to move in with his brother, who lives fifteen miles and the same town I drive for school everyday.
I guess I wouldn't mind moving since I would find a place in the same town I go to school in...but I just don't know if that would be best for the kids? I don't know, I am thinking the familiar environment just without dad around would be an easier adjustment for now. Any thoughts?

lillamy

My first thought is that when it comes out, it comes out, and if you were to wait for the Perfect Moment, you'd never find it. Be proud of stating your needs. Go you!

Secondly -- yeah, my AH told me he knew who I was sleeping with, some writer guy, he couldn't remember his name but he had found his name on the computer and knew I had been sleeping with him for years. (Conveniently ignoring the logical complexity that this nameless author person lived in another state that I had visited all of once in my life -- but who needs logic?) What my counselor said to me is that "if he can tell himself that you left because of another man, then anything you say about alcoholism is moot: It's really all your fault, and he's the victim. Which is the role alcoholics tend to like to put themselves into." I guess it's easier on the pride that you prefer another guy rather than that you prefer to be alone rather than being with him?

As for who should move... that's a tough one. See, I chose to move the kids (I couldn't stay in our house for emotional reasons, and I wouldn't have been able to once the divorce became final anyway, for financial reasons), and even though I have tried to make it an exciting adventure for them to put a new home together (with donations from friends), it's been hard on them. But I can't tell what part of the whole emotional mayhem the Actually Having To Live Somewhere Else plays. But my kids didn't have to change schools or anything -- I think if moving had meant changing schools, I would have thought differently about it.

I don't envy you the road you're on; I've walked it and it's a hard one. But I still smile when I remember the feeling of utter relief the first day I closed and locked my new apartment door behind me. I wanted to do cartwheels (not that there was space to do that without serious injury to person and property). I haven't been that happy since the end of World War II, and I wasn't even born then.

I will say that the support and advice I've found here has been invaluable to me. Especially on those days when I was exhausted and scared. There are some really good folks here.

And you can do it. Whether you move or he moves, you've set the wheels to a healthier life in motion. Like I said to my kids the night we left, "no matter what happens now, we are all going to be healthier and happier -- and that includes your father." And that has actually materialized. It's been seven months and we're still fighting dragons on a daily basis, but we're winning. That's the big difference.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

That boyfriend thing always cracked me up! Ya, like a want another man right now after being with you! Mine does the same thing, I am waiting for it again this time. They do that to take the focus off of them and blame something else. God forbid they owe up to the fact that the years of their drinking has caused us to finally throw in the towel. Classic behavior I am learning.

Don't listen to him and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are doing great. You will have your good days and bad days but in the end your PEACE will be all worth it.

fourmaggie

posted by jackrussellgirl,
Don't listen to him and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are doing great. You will have your good days and bad days but in the end your PEACE will be all worth it.

I totally agree with this!!
and good call to finally telling him....