Feelin back to myself again finally.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Feelin back to myself again finally.
Whoa! Just reflecting on the past month. I seriously didnt know who I was there for a minute. Literally.
The thoughts and feelings are so alien now.
I was really a whole other person it seems like.
When I was having my meltdown here my thinking was so far gone.
I was plotting crimes, didnt care what I was saying or to who.
Had absolutley zero desire to even try and stop.
Thank goodness for no vehicle. Again..Devine intervention. I know I was headed back to jail if it didnt happen.
Its so hard to explain what I was going through in my mind.
Complete disregard for anything or anyone.
That is not me.
I am so glad for whatever reason I am stuck here at home.
I have had alot of money and still do since then. Important part..STILL DO.
I am so ashamed yet scared that I let myself fall that far so fast.
But now....I feel so much better.
Its been 2 weeks since I used. I bounce back fast thank goodness.
My head isnt foggy, I feel like a human being again.
I dont feel like I am walking around in a dream anymore.
Everything literally felt like it wasnt real.
Have had a great past couple days. Spending time with the little cousins. Out in the snow, making treats and having fun. Good clean fun.
I have been active by walking again. Shoveled a **** ton of snow today.
Doing housework and just being normal.
I really shocked myself this last run. And thats not easy to do.
I am so grateful for yet another chance. And for my family. Even though most of them still are acting funny. Its all good.
Me and the gram are getting along again.
I am getting ready to make a huge change in my life. Moving back to my hometown. Ready and willing to start fresh and give it an honest try. Connected with my best friend since 7th grade who isnt an addict. She will be the start of my sober support when I get back to Florida. I havent seen her in like 11 years. But no matter how far I have gone or for how long. She has always been there. Like I have never left.
I am excited to begin this new chapter in my life. One that involves alot of responsibility and independence for once.
Thanks again to all of you for being here. I seriously dont know what I would have done without you.
Anyone who feels like I just expalined. The feelings of despair and hopelessness do go away. May take longer for some than others. But it will happen. As long as you hang on and just try.
I am on my way to getting that 1 year clean tat I have been wanting for so long.
I got my NA books already packed to go. Got my little list of meetings. '
Its gonna be a good life in the sunshine for me from here on out.
The thoughts and feelings are so alien now.
I was really a whole other person it seems like.
When I was having my meltdown here my thinking was so far gone.
I was plotting crimes, didnt care what I was saying or to who.
Had absolutley zero desire to even try and stop.
Thank goodness for no vehicle. Again..Devine intervention. I know I was headed back to jail if it didnt happen.
Its so hard to explain what I was going through in my mind.
Complete disregard for anything or anyone.
That is not me.
I am so glad for whatever reason I am stuck here at home.
I have had alot of money and still do since then. Important part..STILL DO.
I am so ashamed yet scared that I let myself fall that far so fast.
But now....I feel so much better.
Its been 2 weeks since I used. I bounce back fast thank goodness.
My head isnt foggy, I feel like a human being again.
I dont feel like I am walking around in a dream anymore.
Everything literally felt like it wasnt real.
Have had a great past couple days. Spending time with the little cousins. Out in the snow, making treats and having fun. Good clean fun.
I have been active by walking again. Shoveled a **** ton of snow today.
Doing housework and just being normal.
I really shocked myself this last run. And thats not easy to do.
I am so grateful for yet another chance. And for my family. Even though most of them still are acting funny. Its all good.
Me and the gram are getting along again.
I am getting ready to make a huge change in my life. Moving back to my hometown. Ready and willing to start fresh and give it an honest try. Connected with my best friend since 7th grade who isnt an addict. She will be the start of my sober support when I get back to Florida. I havent seen her in like 11 years. But no matter how far I have gone or for how long. She has always been there. Like I have never left.
I am excited to begin this new chapter in my life. One that involves alot of responsibility and independence for once.
Thanks again to all of you for being here. I seriously dont know what I would have done without you.
Anyone who feels like I just expalined. The feelings of despair and hopelessness do go away. May take longer for some than others. But it will happen. As long as you hang on and just try.
I am on my way to getting that 1 year clean tat I have been wanting for so long.
I got my NA books already packed to go. Got my little list of meetings. '
Its gonna be a good life in the sunshine for me from here on out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hey Trish - So glad you hung on long enough until that change took place for you. It is so hard when I'm stuck in the middle of that stuff to believe things will get better or even different. To me it feels like it's going to stay that same way forever.
I "hear" excitement and happiness when you talk about your move to Florida.
IMO I think it's a positive choice for you. Yep, where ever you go there you are, but this might just be exactly what you need.
Hang on to that money of yours, don't let it talk to you like it has in the past. Remember, we really don't know when the last time we get a chance at recovery and a good life is. Treat this as though it is your last chance.
Enough yada yada yada...out of me. I'm really happy for you Trish. I mean that with all my heart!
I "hear" excitement and happiness when you talk about your move to Florida.
IMO I think it's a positive choice for you. Yep, where ever you go there you are, but this might just be exactly what you need.
Hang on to that money of yours, don't let it talk to you like it has in the past. Remember, we really don't know when the last time we get a chance at recovery and a good life is. Treat this as though it is your last chance.
Enough yada yada yada...out of me. I'm really happy for you Trish. I mean that with all my heart!
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Hey. Thanks for the post...I'm glad you're here.
It's time to get a grip on this, as you know. Your own words say that you're shocking yourself. If you're shocking yourself, imagine what you're doing to your family.
My best to you, T. You can do this. Do you want to? Are you ready? Safe Travels to you.
It's time to get a grip on this, as you know. Your own words say that you're shocking yourself. If you're shocking yourself, imagine what you're doing to your family.
My best to you, T. You can do this. Do you want to? Are you ready? Safe Travels to you.
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