Need Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 9
Need Advice
Okay, I am a young teen (16) I have been sober since October 2010 and it is heavily affecting my social life. Over the Summer of 2010 is when I really starting drinking. Drinking was my only addiction and it was to fit in with my friends and have fun with them when I went out. I have never used any other drug nor any tobacco product. The beginning of the Summer-October is when I started drinking, and I was drinking a lot, I would like to blame on family problem, but I do not feel that is an accuse. Over this time period I was highly addicted to alcohol. When I first started drinking, I met tons of new people and lots of new friends. Most of the time when I would go out drinking, I would go with a certain group of friends that meant everything to me at the time, they were my entire life. So, after partying at my house several times, I finally got caught when I was found passed out smashed on my couch with several people sleeping on my floor, and my house a wreck. I was caught because my mom came home earlier than expected. With my Mom being a drug&alcohol counselor for 6 years for children, it is a miracle I wasn't caught earlier, I would ask her for help, but I am far too nervous. Okay so now the problem, ever since I got caught that night I decided the life I was living was enough, I always felt horrible the next day after drinking, and I felt me drinking was jeopardizing my mother's sobriety, and me drinking in her household was extremely disrespectful. So once I quit, alcohol wasn't the only thing to go, my friends and social life was to go with it. My friends did not respect my decision at all and I haven't had any luck what so ever making new friends due the the vast majority of kids my age involved with some sort of drug and/or alcohol. So now ever since I decided to quit my life has been absolute hell! I lost all my friends, I get picked on and made fun of for "being too afraid to drink", and with no friends I have absolutely nothing to do. I can't find a job, I have applied so many places, it doesn't work. I am a very intelligent kid and this life is killing me! I am in a deep depression and all I am trying to do is better me life for both me and my family! I have heard so many stories of what drugs and alcohol do to people and have experienced it. I grew up with my father who was a violent alcoholic/heroin addict and didn't meet my mother until I was 7 years old due to drug problems as well. This is another reason I feel I shouldn't get involved with this sort of thing, with both my parents being addicts, it can't lead anywhere good. I know other people have it a lot worse, but I just want some sort of help, to make my life better, please anyone, I'll take any advice! Just please help me!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1
Hi,
You seem like you are on the right track by being on this site. It is a step in the right direction. You also recognize what you are doing and how it affects yourself and others. You should feel good about that. It is okay to feel good about things like this. It will help you fight the depression. Try not to dwell on your mistakes because they are all in the past, today is a new day with no mistakes....isn't that GREAT!
You seem like you are on the right track by being on this site. It is a step in the right direction. You also recognize what you are doing and how it affects yourself and others. You should feel good about that. It is okay to feel good about things like this. It will help you fight the depression. Try not to dwell on your mistakes because they are all in the past, today is a new day with no mistakes....isn't that GREAT!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 9
I should give myself some credit, but it is hard, no one respects my decision but myself, a lot more hurt comes from it than gain. I have no regrets towards my sobriety decision, I am just looking for a way to make it a bit better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 267
Hi! 
I'm so glad you came to SR! You'll get a lot of good advice here if you stick around! I think you should look at your situation from an adult perspective, and I think you can do this because you sound pretty smart! Those young kids who are out there drugging and boozing it up may seem like they are having fun right now, but they may come into a lot of trouble in the future! Soon when they have careers and families, will they become drug addicts or alcoholics? We don't know, but you don't want to be one of them! Especially since both of your parents were addicts, it's like a message from above telling you to stay FAR, FAR away from alcohol and drugs! I hope you ask your mom for help! I think you're so lucky to have a drug & alcohol counselor that not only lives with you for support, but loves you! Your teen years may not be the "wild & craziest" , but by staying away from the stuff you are carving out a wonderful adult life for yourself!
I'm so glad you came to SR! You'll get a lot of good advice here if you stick around! I think you should look at your situation from an adult perspective, and I think you can do this because you sound pretty smart! Those young kids who are out there drugging and boozing it up may seem like they are having fun right now, but they may come into a lot of trouble in the future! Soon when they have careers and families, will they become drug addicts or alcoholics? We don't know, but you don't want to be one of them! Especially since both of your parents were addicts, it's like a message from above telling you to stay FAR, FAR away from alcohol and drugs! I hope you ask your mom for help! I think you're so lucky to have a drug & alcohol counselor that not only lives with you for support, but loves you! Your teen years may not be the "wild & craziest" , but by staying away from the stuff you are carving out a wonderful adult life for yourself! Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome
I think nearly everyone who reads this will wish they had made the right decision at your age jkf94.
I remember how hard it is to go against 'the crowd' at your age (and I remember how vicious young people can be when you go your own way) but believe me it's the best decision you could ever make.
Stick with it and you'll save yourself years of misery
You'll find a lot of support here
D
I think nearly everyone who reads this will wish they had made the right decision at your age jkf94.
I remember how hard it is to go against 'the crowd' at your age (and I remember how vicious young people can be when you go your own way) but believe me it's the best decision you could ever make.
Stick with it and you'll save yourself years of misery
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, jkf.
First off, welcome to SR. And congrats on your sobriety! It took me years to recognize my own problem, despite plenty of warning signs from the very start.
I know it seems really hard right now. I felt like an outsider when I was 16. Not because of alcohol, but just because I was awkward and shy. If there's an instant solution to that, I never found it.
But here's the good news; it doesn't last. You'll graduate, get a job or go to college, and you'll start spending time with grownups. The whole teenage standard of who's cool gets tossed out the window. Instead there are whole new standards for friendships, like who's smart, who's kind, who's dependable, and who's loyal.
I have a lot of friends now. And some of the happiest and most successful ones had a really tough time growing up. Keep doing what you're doing. You're a smart kid—your time will come.
First off, welcome to SR. And congrats on your sobriety! It took me years to recognize my own problem, despite plenty of warning signs from the very start.
I know it seems really hard right now. I felt like an outsider when I was 16. Not because of alcohol, but just because I was awkward and shy. If there's an instant solution to that, I never found it.
But here's the good news; it doesn't last. You'll graduate, get a job or go to college, and you'll start spending time with grownups. The whole teenage standard of who's cool gets tossed out the window. Instead there are whole new standards for friendships, like who's smart, who's kind, who's dependable, and who's loyal.
I have a lot of friends now. And some of the happiest and most successful ones had a really tough time growing up. Keep doing what you're doing. You're a smart kid—your time will come.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Vermont at heart
Posts: 47
Jkf, first off, way to go. In the experience of a lot of my friends and myself too, high school is a time when you can be punished most for making decisions that are outside of the norm. It sucks that your former friends are giving you a hard time, but seriously, people who don't support you not drinking aren't likely to support you in other ways. Despite what it seems like, I can guarantee you not everyone your age drinks or does drugs. The people who are sober probably just aren't as vocal about it as the ones who aren't. (I didn't start drinking until college, and I was surprised when I found out how many people didn't drink in high school either. Before that, I thought I was one of the only ones.)
I know it's hard now, but give it some time. Do you have any friends who don't drink, or people in your classes who you could talk to? Are there any sports or clubs you'd be interested in joining? Also, keep applying to jobs. In my town, a lot of college students left each spring, and a bunch of jobs opened up then.
I think it's great how self-aware you are at 16, especially realizing that your family history makes you more vulnerable to addiction. If the people you've been hanging out with are friends at all, they'll get over the fact that you don't drink. Otherwise, there are people out there who are more worth your time.
I know it's hard now, but give it some time. Do you have any friends who don't drink, or people in your classes who you could talk to? Are there any sports or clubs you'd be interested in joining? Also, keep applying to jobs. In my town, a lot of college students left each spring, and a bunch of jobs opened up then.
I think it's great how self-aware you are at 16, especially realizing that your family history makes you more vulnerable to addiction. If the people you've been hanging out with are friends at all, they'll get over the fact that you don't drink. Otherwise, there are people out there who are more worth your time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 9
I am in some clubs, mostly business clubs, that helps in certain situations, but it's not something I can fully count on for something to do. I need something to do to substitute that time I used for drinking. Adults have meetings, kids don't. It's hard! I keep telling myself a job will fix everything, but every time I apply somewhere I get excited for a couple days, then never get a call.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Your Mom can be your best resource about what is
available in your area for sober teens.
The youngest member of my AA group is 14 who has hobbies
and does volunteer work with the animal shelter.
Yes...not drinking often causes drinkers to shun you...
It will also give you many interesting future possibilities
You will be healthier....your mind will sharpen ..no worries over
a juvie criminal record...you will make good career moves.
And save yourself a ton of money and destruction.
Congratulations for chooseing sobriety 4 months ago.
available in your area for sober teens.
The youngest member of my AA group is 14 who has hobbies
and does volunteer work with the animal shelter.
Yes...not drinking often causes drinkers to shun you...
It will also give you many interesting future possibilities
You will be healthier....your mind will sharpen ..no worries over
a juvie criminal record...you will make good career moves.
And save yourself a ton of money and destruction.
Congratulations for chooseing sobriety 4 months ago.
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
Welcome jfk, its great to see someone your age can be so wise.
If your vision of yourself, is what you think other people (friends or not) think of you, its distorted. These reflections are like the crazy mirror room at the carnival. They are more often projections than reflections, projecting the concerns and character weaknesses of the people giving the input, rather than accurately reflecting what we are.
Try not to see yourself through other peoples eyes. Especially drinking teenagers!
If your vision of yourself, is what you think other people (friends or not) think of you, its distorted. These reflections are like the crazy mirror room at the carnival. They are more often projections than reflections, projecting the concerns and character weaknesses of the people giving the input, rather than accurately reflecting what we are.
Try not to see yourself through other peoples eyes. Especially drinking teenagers!
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
Thanks to member BadCompany for this quote/signature, I really like it, thought you might also. Bad company? Oh! just a coincidence? LOL
"A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." - G. K. Chesterton; Everlasting Man,
"A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it." - G. K. Chesterton; Everlasting Man,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: kansas
Posts: 61
JFK,
Those kids who drink and take drugs are similar to a computer with a virus in the operating system.
You being sober is like a computer that has been defragmented, has a good McAfee virus protection, and had had scan disc run on it at intervals.
You would no more trust a computer with a virus, as the internal workings are faulty.
Same with the brains of the kids who use alcohol and drugs. Do not trust their thinking or their opinions, seek the counsel of sober and wise adults instead.
GIGO: Garbage In, Garbage Out.
The yard stick they measure reality with has twelve inches removed from the middle and reglued back together. They think they are accurately measuring reality, but in fact their "yard stick" is only 24 inches long, and they do not see or recognize that cause it starts at the number one and ends at the number thirty six.
Your yard stick is 36 inches long.
Who are you going to trust to give accurate true measures of reality? Them or you?
Those kids who drink and take drugs are similar to a computer with a virus in the operating system.
You being sober is like a computer that has been defragmented, has a good McAfee virus protection, and had had scan disc run on it at intervals.
You would no more trust a computer with a virus, as the internal workings are faulty.
Same with the brains of the kids who use alcohol and drugs. Do not trust their thinking or their opinions, seek the counsel of sober and wise adults instead.
GIGO: Garbage In, Garbage Out.
The yard stick they measure reality with has twelve inches removed from the middle and reglued back together. They think they are accurately measuring reality, but in fact their "yard stick" is only 24 inches long, and they do not see or recognize that cause it starts at the number one and ends at the number thirty six.
Your yard stick is 36 inches long.
Who are you going to trust to give accurate true measures of reality? Them or you?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
It has been really important for me to fill my time; definitely encourage you to keep busy. I don't have any meetings. I check into SR a couple times a day, go to the gym, read a lot, go for walks and ride my bike. I've also taken up playing the ukulele (i'm not very good, but love it just the same). If all else fails, I'll just download a flick from iTunes. And volunteer work is always a great way to fill time—and to kind of get out of my own head, and think about others. Helps me feel connected to the world, ya know?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and I, too, think it's great that you are avoiding the stuff that will get you into trouble and potentially ruin your life. Still, I totally get the need for a social life.
My suggestion is that you find some interesting activities after school that will get you involved and help you meet new people who have interests beyond getting high every day. This is a perfect time to get a job or to get involved in volunteer work. You will meet other people who also have better things to do with their time--and at the same time, you will be doing worthwhile stuff that will make a difference in the world. It can also help you when you are ready to apply to colleges.
I know it seems like EVERYBODY drinks and drugs right now, but believe me, that will only be true for another year or two at the most. In a little while, you will have plenty of company as some of the immature kids start growing up.
Hugs, stick with your commitment. You will be glad you did.
My suggestion is that you find some interesting activities after school that will get you involved and help you meet new people who have interests beyond getting high every day. This is a perfect time to get a job or to get involved in volunteer work. You will meet other people who also have better things to do with their time--and at the same time, you will be doing worthwhile stuff that will make a difference in the world. It can also help you when you are ready to apply to colleges.
I know it seems like EVERYBODY drinks and drugs right now, but believe me, that will only be true for another year or two at the most. In a little while, you will have plenty of company as some of the immature kids start growing up.
Hugs, stick with your commitment. You will be glad you did.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
In a little while, you will have plenty of company as some of the immature kids start growing up.
...Welcome
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hey - welcome to SR!
You know, you'll be so much further along than the drinking/drugging crowd in a couple years. Ask anyone here who drank for years whether they wished they had stopped sooner..... it really does eat away at your life, your body and your brain.
If you want some ammunition, research what alcohol does to your brain. If I'm not mistaken, our brains aren't fully developed until we're about 21. Alcohol really messes with our brain chemistry. The younger you start drinking, the more if affects your brain and the more likely it is you'll become an alcoholic. (and with both parents being that way, it would be a surprise if you didn't....)
Hang out here, go to AA, read up on this disease and talk to your mom. Make it your project - it's about your life, after all. I think it's really cool that you're talking about this. Even though a few of the drinking friends are making fun, I bet they are questioning their own drinking when they're sick with a hangover. As the years go by, and the DUI's and wrecked cars start piling up for others, they'll have to face the music too.
Hang in there!!!!!!!:ghug3
You know, you'll be so much further along than the drinking/drugging crowd in a couple years. Ask anyone here who drank for years whether they wished they had stopped sooner..... it really does eat away at your life, your body and your brain.
If you want some ammunition, research what alcohol does to your brain. If I'm not mistaken, our brains aren't fully developed until we're about 21. Alcohol really messes with our brain chemistry. The younger you start drinking, the more if affects your brain and the more likely it is you'll become an alcoholic. (and with both parents being that way, it would be a surprise if you didn't....)
Hang out here, go to AA, read up on this disease and talk to your mom. Make it your project - it's about your life, after all. I think it's really cool that you're talking about this. Even though a few of the drinking friends are making fun, I bet they are questioning their own drinking when they're sick with a hangover. As the years go by, and the DUI's and wrecked cars start piling up for others, they'll have to face the music too.
Hang in there!!!!!!!:ghug3
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