This thing of ours
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
This thing of ours
I'm still counting the days. I'm at 95 today. It feels like along time ago since I stopped drinking. I've been relying on the SR board and therpay. I don't do the AA thing. My dad is a big part of it but I'm not. To give everyone some context I'm a single male 36 Never married no kids. I had no big run ins with the law but have been on a financial precipice. I wrecked a lot of relationships and my own soul though.
Everything in my life has gotten better since I quit. My mind has cleared up quite a lot and I'm dealing with a lot of issues that drove me to drink in the first place. It's hard to look back at the broken relationships and wasted opportunities though.
A friend of mine whom I used to drink with brother is in town. This weekend. They want to party and he ribbed me a little bit about not drinking for the first time. I know he's got some issues with drinking but is not an everyday drinker like me. But that's his fight not mine. He's moving to another city in a few months so no pressure there.
I don't want to drink anymore. Sure I struggle still. But it a heck of a lot easier than when I started. The cravings to get out of my mind drunk are much further apart. I'm still pretty solitary but I have goals now. Life is not a pile of crud to me anymore. I'm taking steps everyday to make it better. When I really struggle I come onto SR and post.
Now that I'm sober:
I'm a lot more honest now. Honest about how I feel and why I feel it. I guess therapy helps. I do it quite a lot and it has worked for me. My next big project is getting back into physical shape and doing some writing for fun.
This sobering up though. It's a lot like meeting yourself for the first time after 5-6 years (the time I lost really to booze). I'm getting to know myself again. I sure have aged! LOL.
I guess I'm feeling a little moody tonight. Just wanted to share.
Friday Night, 95 Days.
Peace.
Everything in my life has gotten better since I quit. My mind has cleared up quite a lot and I'm dealing with a lot of issues that drove me to drink in the first place. It's hard to look back at the broken relationships and wasted opportunities though.
A friend of mine whom I used to drink with brother is in town. This weekend. They want to party and he ribbed me a little bit about not drinking for the first time. I know he's got some issues with drinking but is not an everyday drinker like me. But that's his fight not mine. He's moving to another city in a few months so no pressure there.
I don't want to drink anymore. Sure I struggle still. But it a heck of a lot easier than when I started. The cravings to get out of my mind drunk are much further apart. I'm still pretty solitary but I have goals now. Life is not a pile of crud to me anymore. I'm taking steps everyday to make it better. When I really struggle I come onto SR and post.
Now that I'm sober:
I'm a lot more honest now. Honest about how I feel and why I feel it. I guess therapy helps. I do it quite a lot and it has worked for me. My next big project is getting back into physical shape and doing some writing for fun.
This sobering up though. It's a lot like meeting yourself for the first time after 5-6 years (the time I lost really to booze). I'm getting to know myself again. I sure have aged! LOL.
I guess I'm feeling a little moody tonight. Just wanted to share.
Friday Night, 95 Days.
Peace.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I like what you said about honesty.
I think honesty is so important in recovery. When I was drinking, I was never honest with myself, so recovery was a big change.
I'm glad that you're doing well.
I think honesty is so important in recovery. When I was drinking, I was never honest with myself, so recovery was a big change.
I'm glad that you're doing well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 267
Congratulations on 95 days!!! Wow! It's great to hear that it's a lot easier than when you started! That encourages me! That's funny that you said you are going to take up writing because as I was reading your post I was thinking what a good writer you are! 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Hampton, va
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Tendencies 
I'm still counting the days. I'm at 95 today. It feels like along time ago since I stopped drinking. I've been relying on the SR board and therpay. I don't do the AA thing. My dad is a big part of it but I'm not. To give everyone some context I'm a single male 36 Never married no kids. I had no big run ins with the law but have been on a financial precipice. I wrecked a lot of relationships and my own soul though.
Everything in my life has gotten better since I quit. My mind has cleared up quite a lot and I'm dealing with a lot of issues that drove me to drink in the first place. It's hard to look back at the broken relationships and wasted opportunities though.
A friend of mine whom I used to drink with brother is in town. This weekend. They want to party and he ribbed me a little bit about not drinking for the first time. I know he's got some issues with drinking but is not an everyday drinker like me. But that's his fight not mine. He's moving to another city in a few months so no pressure there.
I don't want to drink anymore. Sure I struggle still. But it a heck of a lot easier than when I started. The cravings to get out of my mind drunk are much further apart. I'm still pretty solitary but I have goals now. Life is not a pile of crud to me anymore. I'm taking steps everyday to make it better. When I really struggle I come onto SR and post.
Now that I'm sober:
I'm a lot more honest now. Honest about how I feel and why I feel it. I guess therapy helps. I do it quite a lot and it has worked for me. My next big project is getting back into physical shape and doing some writing for fun.
This sobering up though. It's a lot like meeting yourself for the first time after 5-6 years (the time I lost really to booze). I'm getting to know myself again. I sure have aged! LOL.
I guess I'm feeling a little moody tonight. Just wanted to share.
Friday Night, 95 Days.
Peace.
Everything in my life has gotten better since I quit. My mind has cleared up quite a lot and I'm dealing with a lot of issues that drove me to drink in the first place. It's hard to look back at the broken relationships and wasted opportunities though.
A friend of mine whom I used to drink with brother is in town. This weekend. They want to party and he ribbed me a little bit about not drinking for the first time. I know he's got some issues with drinking but is not an everyday drinker like me. But that's his fight not mine. He's moving to another city in a few months so no pressure there.
I don't want to drink anymore. Sure I struggle still. But it a heck of a lot easier than when I started. The cravings to get out of my mind drunk are much further apart. I'm still pretty solitary but I have goals now. Life is not a pile of crud to me anymore. I'm taking steps everyday to make it better. When I really struggle I come onto SR and post.
Now that I'm sober:
I'm a lot more honest now. Honest about how I feel and why I feel it. I guess therapy helps. I do it quite a lot and it has worked for me. My next big project is getting back into physical shape and doing some writing for fun.
This sobering up though. It's a lot like meeting yourself for the first time after 5-6 years (the time I lost really to booze). I'm getting to know myself again. I sure have aged! LOL.
I guess I'm feeling a little moody tonight. Just wanted to share.
Friday Night, 95 Days.
Peace.
I was attracted to your quote bc Im sitting here watching Goodfellas...lol. "This thing of ours." Anyhow, After reading your opening para. I started to Identify with your written words. I too am in my 30s, not married, and no kids. I was trouble with the law tho, back in my college days, but made it out due to support from family. Im a newcomer to sobriety, been thinking about it for a couple of years now, tried it twice before, but failed. Im not sure about AA either, my best friend and former running buddy has been in it and sober for 3+ yrs, but im not so convienced of it mystical lure.
The reason (I believe) I failed was that I have no real troubles (in comparison to others). I have been persuing a masters degree, I have been promoted several times, continue to save money, pay my bills, and my run in the lady department hasnt been so bad. SO these positive things have lead to believe that my drinking cant be that bad, and I started again. I didnt know this then, I know it now....and Im better off for knowing...this way, when I start to think that way again, I can head it off and deal with it.
You speak of you friend coming to town and him moving away, which tells me that you think of the future. I think of the future as well. But, I believe that think about future events (such as vacations, football season, bike rallys, summer events, etc.) all of which have always included drinking - might make me drink again. Simply bc I keep thinking "How am I going to make it through these things I love with out booze?" - Thank you for influencing me to write this stuff down.
PEace
WSTS
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Congratulations on your sober time.
I think we realize our opportunitites in life clearer when we're not drinking. Things seem 'ok' when we're drinking but oh, so much better when we're not. Things evolve, opportunitites arise, things develop and things get better...then you feel better...things get more betterer...its a butterfly cycle. Life is good sober...we have to deal with past ppl/situations but they don't have to control our lives. Your friends thoughts are his thoughts and your thoughts are yours. Sometimes we have to change our playmates and playground.
I'm sure you can be strong enough for him not to influence you in any way. Sad, really, how ppl are influenced and fall back down the hole. I was not a big pub/bar person so no one misses me! Hehe
But I drank alone and have to learn how to sober alone. 30 days so far...life is good!
I think we realize our opportunitites in life clearer when we're not drinking. Things seem 'ok' when we're drinking but oh, so much better when we're not. Things evolve, opportunitites arise, things develop and things get better...then you feel better...things get more betterer...its a butterfly cycle. Life is good sober...we have to deal with past ppl/situations but they don't have to control our lives. Your friends thoughts are his thoughts and your thoughts are yours. Sometimes we have to change our playmates and playground.
I'm sure you can be strong enough for him not to influence you in any way. Sad, really, how ppl are influenced and fall back down the hole. I was not a big pub/bar person so no one misses me! Hehe
But I drank alone and have to learn how to sober alone. 30 days so far...life is good!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
Stranger and Stranger
Thanks all for your thoughts. If I had a piece of info that was the most valuable to share at this point it would be that quitting drinking is not enough.
For me that is. We all have our reasons. My dad did, my uncle did and my granddad did. The men in my family have used it as a coping mechanism or a crutch.
I think if I still craved. I'm mean really craved getting out of my head drunk everyday I would have broken by now. The only thing that keeps me going is that things are getting better and I'm feeling better. I think that is the real difference for me. I got sober but then I also had to come clean with myself about what I wanted in life and what I had let slip away. When I stopped listening to my heart I lost my way. Everybody out there tells you how to live your life, do this don't do that. ... lol. Well that's what it was like for me. I guess that's why I stayed single with no kids.
I didn't have a plan when I quit drinking it was just quit drinking. But I was in therpay already and I think getting sober allowed it to work for me. I had no idea what therpay was before I started. But what I've found now it it is just a place to talk and try to hear what I"m really saying. That might not make any sense but I actually had know what I had to do for a long time. I even said it to myself. Gota quit drinking. Gota get right in my head, gota follow my dreams... but it take time.
Feeling that your losing out on something. Like partying with friends during sports events or weekends was tough...but I didn't do that. I drank alone. I drank to get drunk and pass out.
Something really strange happened today. I was at the grocery store and there was this crowd starting to form around one of those food tasting stands they have. You know to try foods they are marketing. The store clerk had his head on his arms and was leaned over looking asleep at this stand. This other clerk was shaking him trying to wake him up. Some people were laughing. So was the clerk shaking him. I stopped when I realized the kid was not waking up. I thought it might have been a joke. Everyone else seemed to think it was a joke too. I called out to call 911 if he was not walking up. This other clerk pulled out her cell and dialed. I kinda felt stuck not at that point so went over and grabbed the kid by the arm. No response. I lowered him to the floor to lay him out. Still nothing.
It was really surreal. You in the grocery store thinking about pot roast and then all of a student this happens.
I got him horizontal an he start coming too. I think was the blood getting to his head or something. He starts freaking out. He does not know what's going on and he's embarrassed. I watch him for a few seconds grab my coffee and walk away. I was embarrassed too I guess. people were mumbling as I walked by about how he should see a doctor. I said I thought so too. He was young 19-20. Not sure what happened to him after that, he seemed fine.
Before I quit drinking I would have never given that scene a second thought. I've been filled with self loathing and hate I would have gotten the heck out of there as quick as I could. I've changed.
I"m not sure if I actually helped him or not but I think what really happened is that I showed myself a little something. I don't know that kids name and he might not even realize what I did or ever know. The world is funny sometimes eh.
In the early days of getting sober I got a really excellent piece of advice from a forum member. When I was craving at night and not used to all the free time instead of going out and spending money on booze I bought an expensive video game and got into that. It kept my mind busy. Sure it cost money but better that than frying my liver some more. I"m happy to say my side does not hurt anymore.
Sorry for my ramblings I do enjoy writing things down.
Time to start a book!
For me that is. We all have our reasons. My dad did, my uncle did and my granddad did. The men in my family have used it as a coping mechanism or a crutch.
I think if I still craved. I'm mean really craved getting out of my head drunk everyday I would have broken by now. The only thing that keeps me going is that things are getting better and I'm feeling better. I think that is the real difference for me. I got sober but then I also had to come clean with myself about what I wanted in life and what I had let slip away. When I stopped listening to my heart I lost my way. Everybody out there tells you how to live your life, do this don't do that. ... lol. Well that's what it was like for me. I guess that's why I stayed single with no kids.
I didn't have a plan when I quit drinking it was just quit drinking. But I was in therpay already and I think getting sober allowed it to work for me. I had no idea what therpay was before I started. But what I've found now it it is just a place to talk and try to hear what I"m really saying. That might not make any sense but I actually had know what I had to do for a long time. I even said it to myself. Gota quit drinking. Gota get right in my head, gota follow my dreams... but it take time.
Feeling that your losing out on something. Like partying with friends during sports events or weekends was tough...but I didn't do that. I drank alone. I drank to get drunk and pass out.
Something really strange happened today. I was at the grocery store and there was this crowd starting to form around one of those food tasting stands they have. You know to try foods they are marketing. The store clerk had his head on his arms and was leaned over looking asleep at this stand. This other clerk was shaking him trying to wake him up. Some people were laughing. So was the clerk shaking him. I stopped when I realized the kid was not waking up. I thought it might have been a joke. Everyone else seemed to think it was a joke too. I called out to call 911 if he was not walking up. This other clerk pulled out her cell and dialed. I kinda felt stuck not at that point so went over and grabbed the kid by the arm. No response. I lowered him to the floor to lay him out. Still nothing.
It was really surreal. You in the grocery store thinking about pot roast and then all of a student this happens.
I got him horizontal an he start coming too. I think was the blood getting to his head or something. He starts freaking out. He does not know what's going on and he's embarrassed. I watch him for a few seconds grab my coffee and walk away. I was embarrassed too I guess. people were mumbling as I walked by about how he should see a doctor. I said I thought so too. He was young 19-20. Not sure what happened to him after that, he seemed fine.
Before I quit drinking I would have never given that scene a second thought. I've been filled with self loathing and hate I would have gotten the heck out of there as quick as I could. I've changed.
I"m not sure if I actually helped him or not but I think what really happened is that I showed myself a little something. I don't know that kids name and he might not even realize what I did or ever know. The world is funny sometimes eh.
In the early days of getting sober I got a really excellent piece of advice from a forum member. When I was craving at night and not used to all the free time instead of going out and spending money on booze I bought an expensive video game and got into that. It kept my mind busy. Sure it cost money but better that than frying my liver some more. I"m happy to say my side does not hurt anymore.
Sorry for my ramblings I do enjoy writing things down.
Time to start a book!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 267
I think it's wonderful what you did for that young man. It sounds like you are already starting to receive the benefits of "living" a sober life, you care more about others and make other wonderful changes in your life! Follow your heart and dreams!!! I'm so glad your side doesn't hurt anymore! Taking care of yourself is great! You matter!!!
I'm so glad your side doesn't hurt anymore! Taking care of yourself is great! You matter!!! Riding Barefoot
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 452
I really enjoyed these posts. We have a lot in common, except that I am female. I have 90 days, in my 30s, single, no, kids, etc. I have been kind of off and on with AA, but it has helped me. It is nice to be in a room with people who get it.
It is incredible how life works, isn't it? Everything happens for a reason, you know. I believe that.
Keep going. Good luck with your writing...I enjoy writing as well.
Congratulations on 95.
This thing of ours... I like that.
It is incredible how life works, isn't it? Everything happens for a reason, you know. I believe that.
Keep going. Good luck with your writing...I enjoy writing as well.
Congratulations on 95.
This thing of ours... I like that.
Riding Barefoot
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 452
I really enjoyed these posts. We have a lot in common, except that I am female. I have 90 days, in my 30s, single, no, kids, etc. I have been kind of off and on with AA, but it has helped me. It is nice to be in a room with people who get it.
It is incredible how life works, isn't it? Everything happens for a reason, you know. I believe that.
Keep going. Good luck with your writing...I enjoy writing as well.
Congratulations on 95.
This thing of ours... I like that.
It is incredible how life works, isn't it? Everything happens for a reason, you know. I believe that.
Keep going. Good luck with your writing...I enjoy writing as well.
Congratulations on 95.
This thing of ours... I like that.
Moment of Conception
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Planet Tragedy
Posts: 453
You did the rite thing T, who knows what was going on with that kid.
And by the sounds noone was going to do anything but stand around and laugh!!!! The mind boggles.
You should be proud of yourself, and well done on your sober time too :-)
And by the sounds noone was going to do anything but stand around and laugh!!!! The mind boggles.
You should be proud of yourself, and well done on your sober time too :-)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
