AlleyKatt22

I just found this site and I'm hoping to get some support. Last February I found out that my husband was using heroin. I knew some sort of addiction was going on but I never knew what and how bad. He stole from me and our children, he basically let us go without food, allowed my car to be repo'd and went to jail more than once(not for drugs but because of them). During his addiction I was pregnant with our 3rd child and the stress took a tremendous toll on me. The baby stopped growing at 32 weeks and was delivered early. Luckily she was healthy. About a month prior to her delivery, my husband started going to a methadone treatment center. The cost of this treatment nearly bankrupted us. To be totally honest I never thought that methadone was the answer and that it was a waste of our money.

I found out on Wednesday that I was totally right. After a year of methadone treatment at a cost of almost $5000, he is right back to using heroin again. I am devastated. I am hurt. I am alone. As it turns out I am 7 months pregnant with our 4th child and it feels like we are repeating ourselves.

This time last year we were planning our daughters 2nd birthday party and I was nearly 8 months pregnant. Now we are planning our daughter's 3rd birthday party and our youngest daughter's 1st birthday party and I am nearly 7 months pregnant and we are right back at square one.

I'm angry. I don't understand how he would rather stick a needle in his arm then wake up next to his wife every morning. How that drug is better than our kids giggles and hugs. How he can just leave everything on me. I don't know what to do. He makes me so angry and he hurts me and he frustrates me and sometimes I hate him so much for destroying the awesome life we had and I don't know how to get past it and I don't know how to live or where to start or what to do or who to be. I'm so lost and I feel very alone. I have people who are quick to say just throw him out. Well we have 3 kids and another one coming. I work fulltime and my schedule is not one compatible with childcare ( 2 day shifts 12 hours followed by 2 days off followed by 2 night shifts 12 hours) nor can I afford to pay for daycare for 3 kids ages 3 and under. Our oldest is 12 and not capable of caring for his younger siblings.

My husband does not have access to our money. I have all of the checks and debit cards. His DL is suspended and the state ID he has is expired so he is unable to go to the bank in person and withdraw money. I hate dealing with this. I don't want to deal with it but I know that reality says I have to face it at some point. Thanks for listening.

lc1972

Hello AlleyKatt22,

I am in a similar boat as you. My husbands DOC (drug of choice) is herion also. I found out he was using in September. He is in an outpatient program but still using. He refuses to go to inpatient care, which is what he needs to do. We have two children together and I also have a teenager. I am a stay at home mom that is watching children on the side. I am very angry at times with the same thoughts you are having. How can he be doing this when he has these beautiful children here. I am hoping you find time to get to meetings or see a counselor. It has been my a savior for me to have those outlets along with this site. The wisdom and kindness I have found on this site is what keeps me coming back here so often (daily). Please remember you did not CAUSE it, you cannot CONTROL it and you cannot CURE it. This is his battle and not yours. You have to take care of yourself and remember to be kind to yourself everyday.

You will be in my prayers

starlight40

Hi Alleykat22,

I was moved by your situation. I just joined this site today and my spouse's problem is alchohol, and he just told his friend that he bought our car from, that she can take it back because he can't make the payments.
Ihave yet to write my initial post telling my story, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Jayner

Nope, you are definitely not alone. I haven't been through nearly the trauma you are experiencing, and I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

I've only been with my heroin-addicted bf for just over a year, but I'm not leaving. We don't share the same things married people do (a home, kids, finances, etc.), so I can't say I share your experience. But I do share the sadness that comes from watching someone I love choose to hurt himself.

You have support here, and I hope all works out well for you and your little ones.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR....you have found a great forum full of wonderful people who understand the fear and frustration that comes along with loving someone addicted to drugs.

Sometimes it feels as though the life we have created has pushed us into a corner....that we have no options. But there are always options.

Have you looked into any local support groups such as Naranon or Alanon? I have found that the face to face support is also very valuable.

Take care of you and those little ones.

gentle hugs

beautifulgirl

Hi AlleyKatt, I totally relate to what is happening to you. It is so sad. I have 5 children. My husband is in rehab right now. I hope for the best for him, we support him, and we hope he will continue to recover and come home however recovery is up to him.

I am sure your husband loves you and the kids. He has no grasp on reality when his mind is buying the feeling that the drugs are selling.

You have to do what you have to do. Don't let him take you for this ride. It is dangerous for you and the kids.

Can you make him go? Can you get some live in help? I am sure it will be less expensive than his habit. Do you have family that can help? If he has nothing and no one it may help him.

Panther

AlleyKat -

I'm new to the board as well. I'm sure you will find my opinion differs slightly from some of the others as I have not been on the board long and I've never attended any self-help groups. My experience is from personal experience of being addicted, knowing other addicts and working with addicts in my career.

I know it may be hard to understand why your husband is seemingly chosing drugs over you and your family, but remember as much as it seems its about you - its not. He has a physical addiction. Which means his body physically depends on the drug to function normally. It is NOT psychological, it is not about will power, it is about his body being very sick.

This problem is not just your husbands problem (as I'm sure you've already deducted) and its not just your problem either. Its a family problem. Your whole family is suffering from this disease. And in a much bigger sense, its also a community and national problems as there are literally millions of people in your exact same shoes!

Treatment for your husbands disease is the only option. There are many different treatment options. I suggest you focus on the ones that stress scienced based approaches. I also suggest you look for programs that do not require he start taking methadone. Taking methadone is like trading one addiction for another. The body never fully recovers and it is easy to relapse.

If you need any resources I would be happy to suggest some. You can message me if you like .

Panther