Dying to be sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Dying to be sober
I’ve been lurking on this site for years and am now struggling to be sober. I last drank one week ago.
I’m 50 years old, divorced once and probably now headed for my second divorce. I have 2 kids from my first marriage and a 4 year old with my current wife, who threw me out 6 months ago. She is a wonderful, patient woman and was right to kick me out as I not only broke several promises to quit drinking, but also cheated on her while under the influence. Classic self-destructive behaviour.
I started drinking when I was a shy, awkward 12 year old. When I drank, I could be relaxed and sociable. I’ve also always had trouble getting to sleep at night. Alcohol helped with that problem too. I became dependent quickly.
For the past 30 years I have habitually drank 6-8 beers or glasses of wine every night, usually with a joint or 2. Despite this I have managed to maintain steady work as a lawyer and I am generally respected by clients and friends who do not know of my addiction. Just like my late father, who died of liver cancer a few years ago, I am a functioning alcoholic.
I’ve tried AA, but it’s not for me, partly because I’m an atheist and do not accept the concept of a “higher power”. For the past month I have been attending weekly meetings of SOS and do find it helpful. I also find this board quite helpful.
I adore my kids and I really want to quit for good this time, but continue to struggle daily with the temptation to drink, especially at night. I use melatonin, chamomile tea, valerian root, but none of them help much.
Anyway, glad to be here and hoping to get and stay sober.
I’m 50 years old, divorced once and probably now headed for my second divorce. I have 2 kids from my first marriage and a 4 year old with my current wife, who threw me out 6 months ago. She is a wonderful, patient woman and was right to kick me out as I not only broke several promises to quit drinking, but also cheated on her while under the influence. Classic self-destructive behaviour.
I started drinking when I was a shy, awkward 12 year old. When I drank, I could be relaxed and sociable. I’ve also always had trouble getting to sleep at night. Alcohol helped with that problem too. I became dependent quickly.
For the past 30 years I have habitually drank 6-8 beers or glasses of wine every night, usually with a joint or 2. Despite this I have managed to maintain steady work as a lawyer and I am generally respected by clients and friends who do not know of my addiction. Just like my late father, who died of liver cancer a few years ago, I am a functioning alcoholic.
I’ve tried AA, but it’s not for me, partly because I’m an atheist and do not accept the concept of a “higher power”. For the past month I have been attending weekly meetings of SOS and do find it helpful. I also find this board quite helpful.
I adore my kids and I really want to quit for good this time, but continue to struggle daily with the temptation to drink, especially at night. I use melatonin, chamomile tea, valerian root, but none of them help much.
Anyway, glad to be here and hoping to get and stay sober.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
The concept of a higher power, does not have to have anything to do with your firm declaration that you are an athiest.
Certainly here is a group of people that have recovered from alcoholism. Certainly they have more power than you do right now. AA...the group of members is a higher power and the program of AA, is a higher power.
Athiests can and do recover with the AA program.
Certainly here is a group of people that have recovered from alcoholism. Certainly they have more power than you do right now. AA...the group of members is a higher power and the program of AA, is a higher power.
Athiests can and do recover with the AA program.
YOu'll find a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Hi, Joe. I can relate to a lot of what you've written.
A week is a good start. I found that it took about 2 weeks to get over the hump of craving booze frequently but after that it got much easier. So maybe you're almost there.
Good luck and welcome.
A week is a good start. I found that it took about 2 weeks to get over the hump of craving booze frequently but after that it got much easier. So maybe you're almost there.
Good luck and welcome.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Joe - and way to go on one week sober. The mental obsession was hard to deal with at first (I was on this forum constantly), but it gets better over time. Infact, everything has pretty much gotten better..... it's worth the discomfort of managing those cravings. At least they won't kill us like alcohol will.
Keep posting/reading - glad you're here!:ghug3
Keep posting/reading - glad you're here!:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Thank you all for your encouragement. As for AA, as I said, my atheism is merely one reason I am choosing a different route to sobriety. I know lots of people on this site have succeeded with AA, and no doubt some atheists have too, but my own research suggests that it does not have a very good success rate in general. In any case, I like the SOS approach as well as other strictly secular programs which seem to suit my personality better than AA.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Welcome Joe! Night time is tough for alot of people. It does get better after a few weeks. I think the key for me is to make sure and not enhance my memories of drinking days. When I think of the whole picture..they were not fun. I never stopped at a couple..I was on a mission to get drunk. Never one to savor a glass of wine with dinner..I always made sure to keep stocked up on liquor and was not happy till it was gone. Always either drunk..or hungover. I shouldn't say always..but it happened so fast that I could never pinpoint when I got to my every day drinking. Once I finally broke out of the cycle-day by day I felt better. I love my hangover free mornings now. I am no longer sick. I feel alert-the foggy feeling has long gone. Hang in there. It does get better!
I'm so glad that SOS is helping you and that you've been going to weekly meetings! I wish you the very best with your recovery! Always feel free to stay close to the boards if you're having a hard time!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Hi Joe...glad you posted.
I am currently in a 6 week rehab program and their philosophy is basically the same as AA with the God and Higher Power thing. I myself am not a big Jaysus lord god fan BUT I do interpret the higher power as my own spirituality. Since I moved 1400 miles from my family I was lonely and had alot of time to get in touch with myself...and that gave me a base to my own thinking, beliefs and religion in general -even before I decided to chase my sobriety.
Quitting by yourself is possible is you have a base of your own beliefs and where you want to be. You have to follow your own path.
Good Luck and it does get easier. Remember there is no greater place to be in the universe than where you are right now.
I am currently in a 6 week rehab program and their philosophy is basically the same as AA with the God and Higher Power thing. I myself am not a big Jaysus lord god fan BUT I do interpret the higher power as my own spirituality. Since I moved 1400 miles from my family I was lonely and had alot of time to get in touch with myself...and that gave me a base to my own thinking, beliefs and religion in general -even before I decided to chase my sobriety.
Quitting by yourself is possible is you have a base of your own beliefs and where you want to be. You have to follow your own path.
Good Luck and it does get easier. Remember there is no greater place to be in the universe than where you are right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Again, thank you all for your warm wishes and encouragement. Having lurked on this board for some time, it's exactly what I expected. You're a great bunch!
Getting to sleep at night without booze has always been a problem, but I feel better after 3 hours' sleep without booze than I did when I slept 8 hours after drinking 2 bottles of wine. My doc prescribed valium (diazepam) to help with sleeping, but it leaves me feeling pretty groggy the next day, so I'm trying to manage without it.
And yes, depression. As I expected, I am dealing with the trail of destruction I left while drinking. Still, I can honestly say that despite the strong cravings I would still rather face my demons sober than drunk.
Getting to sleep at night without booze has always been a problem, but I feel better after 3 hours' sleep without booze than I did when I slept 8 hours after drinking 2 bottles of wine. My doc prescribed valium (diazepam) to help with sleeping, but it leaves me feeling pretty groggy the next day, so I'm trying to manage without it.
And yes, depression. As I expected, I am dealing with the trail of destruction I left while drinking. Still, I can honestly say that despite the strong cravings I would still rather face my demons sober than drunk.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Glad to have you with us, Joe. This is a comforting and enlightening place - we can be ourselves and no one is surprised or shocked. I was instantly at home here, and received the most valuable advice of my life. After decades of drinking, I'm finally sober over 3 yrs.
Congratulations on desiring a better life for yourself and your family. It's really hard to undo a lifetime of falling back on booze to get us through. Yet I have grown and matured more in the past few years than in my entire lifetime. I hope you'll have a great experience here.
Congratulations on desiring a better life for yourself and your family. It's really hard to undo a lifetime of falling back on booze to get us through. Yet I have grown and matured more in the past few years than in my entire lifetime. I hope you'll have a great experience here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 12
Joe,
I feel your pain about the sleep issue without the wine. It gets better, believe me. Reconsider your option about Valium, it is very addicting and that's the last thing you need is to get hooked on something else. My suggestion: Join a gym, walk, do any type of exercise, IT WILL HELP YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT! Good luck
I feel your pain about the sleep issue without the wine. It gets better, believe me. Reconsider your option about Valium, it is very addicting and that's the last thing you need is to get hooked on something else. My suggestion: Join a gym, walk, do any type of exercise, IT WILL HELP YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT! Good luck
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Please see if this link is useful for you
Insomnia? 42 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures
Be really caucious about taking anything addictive to sleep.
Those can send you down another road you don't want to travel.
Welcome to the posting side of SR...
Insomnia? 42 Simple Tips to Help You Get to Sleep - Insomnia treatment, cures
Be really caucious about taking anything addictive to sleep.
Those can send you down another road you don't want to travel.
Welcome to the posting side of SR...
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,889
Hi Joe, welcome to SoberRecovery.
I get what your saying because I'm a non-theist. Although AA is not my preferred first choice in recovery programs (If there was a SOS meeting near me I would be jumping with joy), I do attend the AA meetings for peer support. Ive found a meeting where I'm accepted and nobody seems to mind my shares.
Fortunately there is more than one way to recover from alcoholism. I like SMART Recovery Tools because their an excellent secular recovery resource. Being here at SR has also assisted me in my recovery efforts.
Originally Posted by Joe
I’ve tried AA, but it’s not for me, partly because I’m an atheist and do not accept the concept of a “higher power”.
Fortunately there is more than one way to recover from alcoholism. I like SMART Recovery Tools because their an excellent secular recovery resource. Being here at SR has also assisted me in my recovery efforts.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,889
P.S. There is a secular side of SR if that interest you: Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information . Also a good thread to read is http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rch-links.html . Lots of information about the action of addiction on the mind/brain/body.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Welcome to SR!
Our drinking habits sound really similar. I'm also divorced, have a young child, and managed to keep my career going strong. And I too contemplated quitting for a long time before I finally got serious. I only have a couple months sober, but wow, what a difference. I'm so glad I kept trying.
You can do it. And you will be grateful you did!
Our drinking habits sound really similar. I'm also divorced, have a young child, and managed to keep my career going strong. And I too contemplated quitting for a long time before I finally got serious. I only have a couple months sober, but wow, what a difference. I'm so glad I kept trying.
You can do it. And you will be grateful you did!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Hi folks. Day 8 and still not drinking. It's great to wake up without a hangover. My kids have noticed that I'm more patient with them. I'm feeling much better than I have in years. Thanks again for all the advice and encouragement.
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