Hey all
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 25
Hey all
Hi there. I don't really want to say too much right now, for a number of reasons, but hopefully when I begin to feel more comfortable in the forum and myself I will be able to open up a little more.
I am 25, I am rather chaotic at times and don't really think of the consequences - with all things, what I say to people, what I do etc. I always think of myself ahead of what the outcome might be.
I hate people telling me what to do, or thinking they know best. I hate people doing things without thinking of how it affects me - which is crazy because I do the same thing.
My friends and family have also had addiction problems, so I have all areas covered when it comes to how it affects others and the person itself.
So, yeah. A bit of a mixed up bag of emotions, thoughts, actions and everything else at the moment. But, I am a nice person underneath everything, so hopefully I'll fit in here
I am 25, I am rather chaotic at times and don't really think of the consequences - with all things, what I say to people, what I do etc. I always think of myself ahead of what the outcome might be.
I hate people telling me what to do, or thinking they know best. I hate people doing things without thinking of how it affects me - which is crazy because I do the same thing.
My friends and family have also had addiction problems, so I have all areas covered when it comes to how it affects others and the person itself.
So, yeah. A bit of a mixed up bag of emotions, thoughts, actions and everything else at the moment. But, I am a nice person underneath everything, so hopefully I'll fit in here
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: London, England
Posts: 211
Welcome Isola, as time goes on hopefully you will feel more comfortable and will start to share more about yourself, it helps immensely to get things out and confide in people who understand. Hope you are ok
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
I just started posting here on Monday during this health scare. I may have already pickled my innerds but the folks here are very understanding. I find myself becoming more comfortable with each post. I have never found a group of people understanding of what I am going through enough for me to open up until now.
I have a big problem with authority. So much so that when my wife and I were jobless, I couldn't bring myself to take a job where I had 3 bosses even though the pay was double what I was making before. I've either only worked for myself or for bosses that did not micromanage. I knew that if I had that prestigious job under 3 bosses that I would have eventually ruined my career by impulsively "speaking my mind" which often results in being a smartass and sometimes rude. Not saying we are the same but I have massive anger issues. Last night was night 3 of not drinking and my wife stopped at wataburger for dinner and I went online to the menu for nutritional information and it was acting stupid. It wouldn't load the calories for a damn burger. It kept refreshing the page with a bbq chicken tender sandwich. I was getting so angry that I punched the wall to keep myself from throwing my laptop across the room (which would have been more satisfying at the moment but I need to work). My hand still hurts but the burger was good. haha. Looking back it was such a trivial thing to have blind fury overcome me but I couldn't help it. I'm laughing now but it will happen again, over something stupid and trivial until I can control it.
My comfort level grew with each post. Feel free to use private message with those you learn to trust enough to get off what's on your chest.
I read this and it immediately clicked with me. I get upset when people disregard other people's feelings. It makes me feel like it boils down to respecting others. Say you are driving and someone slams on their brakes in front of you. The thought that races through my mind is "That freaking #@$$*#, don't they give a @#$ about other drivers on the road? #@$O#$ YOU JERK!" It's not that they did it to me. It's that they have so little respect for those around them that they don't give a hoot if they cause you to wreck. Then, I will drive for a few more miles, start speeding, and cut people off. Sometimes I reflect back and say "Darn, now I'm the jerk". 
I have a big problem with authority. So much so that when my wife and I were jobless, I couldn't bring myself to take a job where I had 3 bosses even though the pay was double what I was making before. I've either only worked for myself or for bosses that did not micromanage. I knew that if I had that prestigious job under 3 bosses that I would have eventually ruined my career by impulsively "speaking my mind" which often results in being a smartass and sometimes rude. Not saying we are the same but I have massive anger issues. Last night was night 3 of not drinking and my wife stopped at wataburger for dinner and I went online to the menu for nutritional information and it was acting stupid. It wouldn't load the calories for a damn burger. It kept refreshing the page with a bbq chicken tender sandwich. I was getting so angry that I punched the wall to keep myself from throwing my laptop across the room (which would have been more satisfying at the moment but I need to work). My hand still hurts but the burger was good. haha. Looking back it was such a trivial thing to have blind fury overcome me but I couldn't help it. I'm laughing now but it will happen again, over something stupid and trivial until I can control it.
My comfort level grew with each post. Feel free to use private message with those you learn to trust enough to get off what's on your chest.
I hate people telling me what to do, or thinking they know best. I hate people doing things without thinking of how it affects me - which is crazy because I do the same thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 25
Hey all, I think I will try and post more here now. So will start with a big issue for me.
I have always been looking for something in my life. That's what on the main reasons that I have problems - I never seem to find what I need. I have messed things up with my friends - and they have now pretty much all left me, my relationships never work and I can never find happiness in myself. I have tried religion - I have looked into practically every one of them recently!
I know that it is me that I need to look into and fix, but every time I try something happens which puts me back like 50 paces - bad day at work, family argument, problems with friends etc. I can't see how I could cope with all that being clean and sober. I know it's a crutch right now, but without it I don't know who I will be.
So yes, how do others see the future/ or is the future as bad as you first imagined? Sometimes I think it is not worth changing over.
I have always been looking for something in my life. That's what on the main reasons that I have problems - I never seem to find what I need. I have messed things up with my friends - and they have now pretty much all left me, my relationships never work and I can never find happiness in myself. I have tried religion - I have looked into practically every one of them recently!
I know that it is me that I need to look into and fix, but every time I try something happens which puts me back like 50 paces - bad day at work, family argument, problems with friends etc. I can't see how I could cope with all that being clean and sober. I know it's a crutch right now, but without it I don't know who I will be.
So yes, how do others see the future/ or is the future as bad as you first imagined? Sometimes I think it is not worth changing over.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
A future without drugs and alcohol was utterly beyond my comprehension. I simply did not know how people lived without a) being drunk or b) looking forward to being drunk. This is why it's so hard to get sober-- we've completely conditioned ourselves to dealing with life with the aid of mind-alterting substances. It makes sobriety almost unfathomable.
Many of us have been on the same sort of search that you are on-- what will bring me peace? What will make me less impacted by the actions of people around me?
But what if our distress was our responsibility?
There's a line in the Big Book of AA that says (something like): "We realized that our problems were of our own making."
We are defensive, sensitive people. In fact, most human beings are-- we harbor resentments when things don't go our way, we lash out at those around us, we imagine how we'd retaliate, and brood constantly. We are consumed by resentments and fear.
The problem for the alcoholic is that these resentments and fears drive our drinking. With a sense of justification, we pour alcohol over the fires burning inside to find some-- any-- peace.
So the act of stopping drinking-- taking away the medicine that temporarily soothed our pain-- is usually not enough. Now we're just an angry resentful person without our coping mechanism.
So we must deal with the underlying causes and conditions. This is what the 12 step program of AA is all about.
Many of us have been on the same sort of search that you are on-- what will bring me peace? What will make me less impacted by the actions of people around me?
But what if our distress was our responsibility?
There's a line in the Big Book of AA that says (something like): "We realized that our problems were of our own making."
We are defensive, sensitive people. In fact, most human beings are-- we harbor resentments when things don't go our way, we lash out at those around us, we imagine how we'd retaliate, and brood constantly. We are consumed by resentments and fear.
The problem for the alcoholic is that these resentments and fears drive our drinking. With a sense of justification, we pour alcohol over the fires burning inside to find some-- any-- peace.
So the act of stopping drinking-- taking away the medicine that temporarily soothed our pain-- is usually not enough. Now we're just an angry resentful person without our coping mechanism.
So we must deal with the underlying causes and conditions. This is what the 12 step program of AA is all about.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 104
Welcome, Isola. I've been amazed at the number of people here in SR who can totally relate to what I'm going through and have great advice for how I can rid myself of the drinking that has caused me and the people I love so much misery for so long. Hope you stick around... you might be amazed, too
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I know it's a crutch right now, but without it I don't know who I will be
I would be willing to bet that everyone here felt exactly the same way.
I went for years getting by, getting through the day, thinking life was difficult and the only thing that made me feel happy or normal was a drink.
It wasn't until I got sober that I realized - that wasn't me at all. I had struggled with depression even before alcohol, for sure, but all the anxiety, irritability, obsessive thinking, feeling down about myself, not caring about others...... THAT was all a part of the vicious cycle of alcoholism.
It affects us spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically....in subtle ways at first, and then not so subtle.
You are worthwhile.... your life is important..... and you really can be happy even in spite of life's trials. We're behind you all the way!
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