A letter to my Children
A letter to my Children
My dearest Children,
I am sorry. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t. I wish those times I was sitting on the couch drinking beer when I would have been doing things with you would not have happened. But it did. If I could erase the days you saw me, glassy eyed, slurred speech, and a staggering gait, I would do it in a heartbeat. But that is impossible. How many years did I drink away while you grew? How many times did I embarrass you by going to school functions with a belly full of booze? And how many of your friend will remember your dad as that guy who smelled like a brewery?
Now, you don’t need me to play with you anymore. No more do you need me to tuck you in or chase away the monsters under your bed. You drive to where you want to go and the dependence on me is fairly minimal. Your time at home has been reduced to a few days a week. Time slips through my fingers like water poured from a bucket. If only things could have been different. But I cannot change any of that now.
There is a glimmer of hope. I can change today. I can make a difference today in your perception of me. I prefer to leave this world knowing that you knew I made mistakes and, more importantly, made corrections. With this in mind, the guidance that I did give you (when I was sober) may take on a greater validity; to allow you to see me in a more positive light. It can’t change the past, but it certainly can have an effect on your future.
So I owe you this. This debt can only be repaid by showing you my life is undergoing a change. To drink again will only create a greater deficit in my admission. Am I willing to allow this to happen? I will do anything in my power to prevent a relapse in my commitment. Today is too good of a day to let that occur, and you are so vital to my life.
I love you,
Dad
I am sorry. I wish I could change the past, but I can’t. I wish those times I was sitting on the couch drinking beer when I would have been doing things with you would not have happened. But it did. If I could erase the days you saw me, glassy eyed, slurred speech, and a staggering gait, I would do it in a heartbeat. But that is impossible. How many years did I drink away while you grew? How many times did I embarrass you by going to school functions with a belly full of booze? And how many of your friend will remember your dad as that guy who smelled like a brewery?
Now, you don’t need me to play with you anymore. No more do you need me to tuck you in or chase away the monsters under your bed. You drive to where you want to go and the dependence on me is fairly minimal. Your time at home has been reduced to a few days a week. Time slips through my fingers like water poured from a bucket. If only things could have been different. But I cannot change any of that now.
There is a glimmer of hope. I can change today. I can make a difference today in your perception of me. I prefer to leave this world knowing that you knew I made mistakes and, more importantly, made corrections. With this in mind, the guidance that I did give you (when I was sober) may take on a greater validity; to allow you to see me in a more positive light. It can’t change the past, but it certainly can have an effect on your future.
So I owe you this. This debt can only be repaid by showing you my life is undergoing a change. To drink again will only create a greater deficit in my admission. Am I willing to allow this to happen? I will do anything in my power to prevent a relapse in my commitment. Today is too good of a day to let that occur, and you are so vital to my life.
I love you,
Dad
As far as sending this letter, my children are still at home some of the times. I do plan to give them a copy. But I feel I have to get some alcohol out of my system first. I have only 9 days under my belt as of today. Honestly, I'm still afraid things will not work out. I have done this so many times before. I do feel I need to get my head clearer to answer questions that may arise. But I am giving it my all and that's as best as I can do.
Powerful letter Creek. It will serve you well just to pull it out and read it during the times you feel weak..Amazing how time escapes us. Goes by so fast..you are on the right track! 9 days is a heck of a start!!
Heartbreaking - and I could have written the exact same thing. Yet when I had those thoughts I'd keep drinking to try and stifle them. Instead, you're using them to benefit you and your children. I hope you will give it to them - it's bound to help you all.
It's heartening to see you posting again, Creekryder.
It's heartening to see you posting again, Creekryder.
Yea, good letter. I agree with you, get some recovery going, recovery where you feel more confident... Hope things go well.
I have kids too and there are some amends that have been/will be made... but the best amends we can make are just day to day .... reliability and integrity.
I have kids too and there are some amends that have been/will be made... but the best amends we can make are just day to day .... reliability and integrity.
I do plan to give them a copy. But I feel I have to get some alcohol out of my system first.
I agree with Hevyn also, this is such a good positive thing which will be good for you & your kids. Stay strong , stay safe and keep your chin up
Thank you for such a powerful post, and well done on 9 days. I have a young son, and knowing I need to be present and be the best Mum possible helps me to stick with my sobriety.
You can do this creek, keep reading that letter, use it as motivation on those dark days.
Hug
Manz
You can do this creek, keep reading that letter, use it as motivation on those dark days.
Hug
Manz
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
I think giving your children the letter would be their greatest gift. I think it may confirm somehow to them that you are still connected and that they havent lost a dad. That you know, you care and understand how they feel is a blessing.
After my sister passed away, we found birthday, christmas cards and letters she never gave to her children. So many years lost, but you still have time to be with your children. The past may not be forgotten but it is the future they will remember.
Love to you JJ
After my sister passed away, we found birthday, christmas cards and letters she never gave to her children. So many years lost, but you still have time to be with your children. The past may not be forgotten but it is the future they will remember.
Love to you JJ
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 37
I just quit after 10 years and am still doing tests to see whether or not I have damaged myself physically. I have a 10 yr old and 7 yr old and I don't want to miss anything and most importantly, I don't want them to have to miss me before it is too soon. Incredible words truly spoken from the heart brother.
I loved your letter, thanks for sharing it with us and I do hope you give it to your children when the time is right. I hope that my AH doesn't have to write a letter like that someday to our 3 children. We are currently in the beginning stages of it though, with a 4 yr old and 8 month old twins. Sitting on the couch drinking beer, ignoring the world is a daily occurence in my household. Although, he has "quit" the past two weeks, but came home the other day smelling of beer again, of course he denied it. The kids are the most important in all of this. They will appreciate your letter when you give it to them, I know I would. Thanks for sharing.
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