Sometimes somedays...
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Sometimes somedays...
Sometimes somedays you will feel frustrated, bored and generally not feeling it. Somedays you just want to say b*llocks to it and just go off on a mad one and just not think and just go on a mad rock n' roll escapade. This is to be expected to be honest and I know for me then accepting this is crucial.
Sometimes somedays recovery just plain p*sses you off and the gratitude just ain't there. I can usually pinpoint why this is and I know why it is but that doesn't mean that it makes it any easier in that moment in your head. It doesn't last and it passes and I grow in strength from experiencing it. Also sometimes I feel like I deserve to have a sulk in my head... It makes me smile and like now, I find the humour in it all really, it's good for me to share it and get it out but also I think it's very valuable for the newcomer too. I think it's easy to bail out when the boredom, frustration or whatever sets in and that's why many go back out again, bad-times have to be accepted just like good times. Being an alcoholic and addict in recovery ain't always easy, it ain't hard either but inevitably life has to be different to if you weren't an alcoholic/addict, that's just the way it is and that's fine, I've had my cake and ate it and then went back for more time and time again! ha-ha.
Sometimes I guess I can just get frustrated with things, it can be annnoying at times, but it passes. It ain't about drinking or drugging but rather keeping that balance where I like to be at, most of the time I am peaceful and content in my head but those times where the balance is lost is where the need to draw upon previous great times in recovery is needed, for me anyway. I always make sure that I embrace and 'bank' those indescribable beautiful feelings in recovery, they inspire me to keep going and carrying on. Ultimately most feeling of being p*ssed-off is related to lack of gratitude, but sometimes you just want to say b*llocks to it...
Off to work now and playing the game of life. It's so much easier that way...
Sometimes somedays recovery just plain p*sses you off and the gratitude just ain't there. I can usually pinpoint why this is and I know why it is but that doesn't mean that it makes it any easier in that moment in your head. It doesn't last and it passes and I grow in strength from experiencing it. Also sometimes I feel like I deserve to have a sulk in my head... It makes me smile and like now, I find the humour in it all really, it's good for me to share it and get it out but also I think it's very valuable for the newcomer too. I think it's easy to bail out when the boredom, frustration or whatever sets in and that's why many go back out again, bad-times have to be accepted just like good times. Being an alcoholic and addict in recovery ain't always easy, it ain't hard either but inevitably life has to be different to if you weren't an alcoholic/addict, that's just the way it is and that's fine, I've had my cake and ate it and then went back for more time and time again! ha-ha.
Sometimes I guess I can just get frustrated with things, it can be annnoying at times, but it passes. It ain't about drinking or drugging but rather keeping that balance where I like to be at, most of the time I am peaceful and content in my head but those times where the balance is lost is where the need to draw upon previous great times in recovery is needed, for me anyway. I always make sure that I embrace and 'bank' those indescribable beautiful feelings in recovery, they inspire me to keep going and carrying on. Ultimately most feeling of being p*ssed-off is related to lack of gratitude, but sometimes you just want to say b*llocks to it...
Off to work now and playing the game of life. It's so much easier that way...
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Join Date: May 2009
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Thank you so much to all of the 'thanks'. Much appreciated Eagles Fan, Inafishbowl and Dee74.
I think sometimes I just need to feel like some people relate so I don't feel so alone in what I am feeling/experiencing. i always gain such a great feeling of empathy from SR and it truly is unique and helps me so much. It really is incredible how much just seeing those 'thanks' can really help me and I suddenly feel like I am back on track! I often think I just need some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing, I know I am, but encouragement from people who have been through or are going through this journey really helps me. I know that I am doing the right thing but like I say it can just seem like a bit of a slog at times but that's recovery I guess, One day at a time. I notice that when I begin to project and lose my serenity it's because my thinking is trying to race ahead and the projections are always negative/depressing.
Thanks again for the thanks, it means a lot to me...
Peace
I think sometimes I just need to feel like some people relate so I don't feel so alone in what I am feeling/experiencing. i always gain such a great feeling of empathy from SR and it truly is unique and helps me so much. It really is incredible how much just seeing those 'thanks' can really help me and I suddenly feel like I am back on track! I often think I just need some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing, I know I am, but encouragement from people who have been through or are going through this journey really helps me. I know that I am doing the right thing but like I say it can just seem like a bit of a slog at times but that's recovery I guess, One day at a time. I notice that when I begin to project and lose my serenity it's because my thinking is trying to race ahead and the projections are always negative/depressing.
Thanks again for the thanks, it means a lot to me...
Peace
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 129
Thanks for the great post Neo. I've been struggling today and really feeling like you said, just saying 'feck it', throwing the head up and going to get some wine. Reading this really helped and I stayed away from the offie, so thank you. It's good to know there are others out there with the same feelings 
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Just realised I missed to thank you recoverywfaith. Sorry about that as I was looking at the thank you's under my post and have just noticed that yours wasn't on there. Thanks for that post, it really helped me!!
Peace
Peace
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
I can def relate and have had a few of those days when I'm not feelin it or thinking a little negatively and have to remind myself why I got sober in the first place. It's nice to know others can relate to having an off day.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Gratitude is what keeps me from drowning in self pity. I've made it a daily habit and now it's automatic to feel/be grateful for my blessings. And it helps me a lot that the three things I'm most grateful for have big soft loving dog-eyes that look at me with such love in their hearts. How can I feel bitter or sorry for myself when they're looking at me with hearts full of love?
How can I feel bitter or sorry for myself when they're looking at me with hearts full of love? Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Neo))) - I always love your posts, and I totally relate.
I've had days when I am frustrated, get the "f-its", can't find darned gratitude if it smacked me upside the face. I learned this, some from my mom, some from others but I allow myself a certain amount of time to have a "pity party" (NEVER more than a day, sometimes just an hour, depending what's going on).
I'll stay in the bed, watch reruns of my favorite shows, snuggle with my cats, and if I still feel all wonky, I get on SR and dang if that hasn't always brought me out of my funk. Something about just putting it out there - "I'm irritable, feel like the world is coming down on me, etc." and finding others who know what I'm talking about just makes me feel better.
Like you, it's not about the drugs...that is the LAST thought that enters my mind. It's just dealing with life. Though I'm not happy that others go through the same stuff, knowing I'm not alone makes me feel better. It becomes less about me, and more about "okay, we ARE gonna get through this" and we always have.
Thanks again for such a great post.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've had days when I am frustrated, get the "f-its", can't find darned gratitude if it smacked me upside the face. I learned this, some from my mom, some from others but I allow myself a certain amount of time to have a "pity party" (NEVER more than a day, sometimes just an hour, depending what's going on).
I'll stay in the bed, watch reruns of my favorite shows, snuggle with my cats, and if I still feel all wonky, I get on SR and dang if that hasn't always brought me out of my funk. Something about just putting it out there - "I'm irritable, feel like the world is coming down on me, etc." and finding others who know what I'm talking about just makes me feel better.
Like you, it's not about the drugs...that is the LAST thought that enters my mind. It's just dealing with life. Though I'm not happy that others go through the same stuff, knowing I'm not alone makes me feel better. It becomes less about me, and more about "okay, we ARE gonna get through this" and we always have.
Thanks again for such a great post.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Thanks for letting me share SR, as ever I'm very grateful for having this outlet. It helps me so, so much and I think just getting it outthere and having others feedback and just knowing that others relate too, really helps me. I can get lost in my thoughts in my head sometimes and a massive part of my recovery is managaing my mind basically. I have underlying specific negative/intrusive thoughts that I have to deal with and sometimes they can come back stronger and I find it harder to accept them.
Also I think with me then I can lose perspective very quickly and when I'm lost in my head then I assume that it only happens to me, when in actual fact other people probably have this sort of stuff go on in their heads about certain things but just don't think anything of it. I guess I'm just sensitive at heart but that isn't a bad trait and I accept myself for who I am and I am actually content and happy with who I am. What is fantatsic about my recovery is that it enables me to keep my head above water interms of depression and other stuff as I don't let myself get ill, as my recovery makes sure that my thinking doesn't run riot.
It is so important to just keep on a day at a time because the way you feel can change, like today I feel much better and I guess to look at me you would think I'm a relatively confident person. When I think of where I've come from then I know that I'm moving forwards and doing what I need to do. Other people will never inderstand what it means to be an alcoholic as it really isn't about the drinking so much as keeping my mind and wellbeing where it needs to be. Whilst I am not fearful or afraid of alcohol (it plays no part in my life) I am always aware that I am alcoholic and that alcoholism is indeed cunning, baffling and powerful and thus places I frequent and people I mix with have to be monitored. The importance is never to get complacent for me. I know that even when I may be giving myself a hard time then I remember when i was sitting in a police cell or waiting to go to court then I would wonder why i was giving myself such a hard time if i could see myself now.
"Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, they will always materialise if we work for them" (AA BB) and I know this to be true and have faith in recovery, I am working and trying my best and I have overcome a lot of stuff since I started University and I mustn't forget that. 2 years ago i was totally hopeless - unemployed, no driving license, family totally and utterly dissapointed and ashamed I guess, zero self-esteem or confidence, embarassed about my life and myself, living to get blackout drunk and binging for 3 days around the clock, getting kicked out of flats of layabouts, totally and utterly hopeless.
I must never forget what I've achieved and how I've turned it around thanks solely to staying sober and living recovery 'one day at a time'. I may very well not have been alive now if I had of continued to take that first drink and if not then I dread to think where I would be, but peace of mind I certainly wouldn't have.
Peace
Also I think with me then I can lose perspective very quickly and when I'm lost in my head then I assume that it only happens to me, when in actual fact other people probably have this sort of stuff go on in their heads about certain things but just don't think anything of it. I guess I'm just sensitive at heart but that isn't a bad trait and I accept myself for who I am and I am actually content and happy with who I am. What is fantatsic about my recovery is that it enables me to keep my head above water interms of depression and other stuff as I don't let myself get ill, as my recovery makes sure that my thinking doesn't run riot.
It is so important to just keep on a day at a time because the way you feel can change, like today I feel much better and I guess to look at me you would think I'm a relatively confident person. When I think of where I've come from then I know that I'm moving forwards and doing what I need to do. Other people will never inderstand what it means to be an alcoholic as it really isn't about the drinking so much as keeping my mind and wellbeing where it needs to be. Whilst I am not fearful or afraid of alcohol (it plays no part in my life) I am always aware that I am alcoholic and that alcoholism is indeed cunning, baffling and powerful and thus places I frequent and people I mix with have to be monitored. The importance is never to get complacent for me. I know that even when I may be giving myself a hard time then I remember when i was sitting in a police cell or waiting to go to court then I would wonder why i was giving myself such a hard time if i could see myself now.
"Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, they will always materialise if we work for them" (AA BB) and I know this to be true and have faith in recovery, I am working and trying my best and I have overcome a lot of stuff since I started University and I mustn't forget that. 2 years ago i was totally hopeless - unemployed, no driving license, family totally and utterly dissapointed and ashamed I guess, zero self-esteem or confidence, embarassed about my life and myself, living to get blackout drunk and binging for 3 days around the clock, getting kicked out of flats of layabouts, totally and utterly hopeless.
I must never forget what I've achieved and how I've turned it around thanks solely to staying sober and living recovery 'one day at a time'. I may very well not have been alive now if I had of continued to take that first drink and if not then I dread to think where I would be, but peace of mind I certainly wouldn't have.
Peace
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Lots of people spout off in mtg's how a grateful heart doesn't drink/use. I agree but with that being said its not human IMO to be grateful every single minute of every day. I know if I stay ungrateful for to long even w/some time under my belt than I am treading on dangerous waters. Then some sort of action need to take place or I do run the risk of a relapse and I say that out of ES&H been there done that. What I do now is well the obvious I don't drink/use even if I want to. I write or add to a gratitude list. If all else fails work w/another alky and or do some sort of service. So far it hasn't failed me yet and I'll be 7 in May.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Thx Neo! You definitely are not alone and I also relate to what you are sharing. See this is why I don't really create new posts here because when I pop on to do my readings you and others seem to always share part of the journey that leaves me going......yeah man thats it....thats so true.
I always enjoy your posts my friend
I always enjoy your posts my friend
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Right on, Neo. Thanks for that. I always love when I log in and see that you've started a thread. I know I'll get something I need out of it.
Thanks for the comment about banking the good experiences in recovery. You're right; there are times when I feel down and I just wanna say, "Screw it!" and order up a nice drink or 12. But then I think about the good times, the times when my life is going exactly where I want it to and how great I feel about being off the booze, and I realize it just ain't worth it. It ain't worth throwing away all the work I've done just to get blasted and forget about my problems.
Guess I gotta deal with my problems now. 'Bout time, I reckon.
Thanks for the comment about banking the good experiences in recovery. You're right; there are times when I feel down and I just wanna say, "Screw it!" and order up a nice drink or 12. But then I think about the good times, the times when my life is going exactly where I want it to and how great I feel about being off the booze, and I realize it just ain't worth it. It ain't worth throwing away all the work I've done just to get blasted and forget about my problems.
Guess I gotta deal with my problems now. 'Bout time, I reckon.
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