My first test?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 74
My first test?
So my AH is coming home this weekend...first time in the month since he took a new job out of state. I am not dreading it...actually looking forward to a chance to use my new skills 
I do not expect him to drink while he's here...he can easily go a weekend without drinking, and I expect he'll want to prove that he can. So maybe this isn't a very good test. But either way, I just want to do a good job detaching from any nonsense that might blow in the door after him...
I do not expect him to drink while he's here...he can easily go a weekend without drinking, and I expect he'll want to prove that he can. So maybe this isn't a very good test. But either way, I just want to do a good job detaching from any nonsense that might blow in the door after him...
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
Be present in the here and now is what I am telling myself. I have a reconciliation discussion date this week.
Listen to your gut. If it's all fair and good, you'll feel it.
If it's manipulative, you'll feel that too...that little pit in your stomach, that tense feeling you don't understand...
and just when did we learn to turn off listening to that part of ourselves? We have to relearn to hear it.
Your inner child is speaking to you stuff, and it's telling you something...listen. Children are usually right on the mark. They know this stuff before kindergarten.
Listen to your gut. If it's all fair and good, you'll feel it.
If it's manipulative, you'll feel that too...that little pit in your stomach, that tense feeling you don't understand...
and just when did we learn to turn off listening to that part of ourselves? We have to relearn to hear it.
Your inner child is speaking to you stuff, and it's telling you something...listen. Children are usually right on the mark. They know this stuff before kindergarten.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
I wish you the best.
Even when my exabf, now rabf was beginning recovery and not drinking, he was still self-pitying, manipulative, and blamed everyone else for everything.
My recovery has helped me to not hinge my happiness and well-being on his behavior. I can be calm and happy in my life no matter what he does or does not do. What a relief!
Even when my exabf, now rabf was beginning recovery and not drinking, he was still self-pitying, manipulative, and blamed everyone else for everything.
My recovery has helped me to not hinge my happiness and well-being on his behavior. I can be calm and happy in my life no matter what he does or does not do. What a relief!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 74
Well, I was wrong. He did drink one of the nights he was home. I guess he wasn't in the "let me prove myself" mode, but more in the "I can drink if I want, so I'm going to" mode. Not exactly sure how I feel about his visit. I was glad to see him, but I was so much more aware of his behavior, especially how detached he seems. I mean, he says and does all the right things, but it seems very surface level....he very rarely seems "in the moment." Before, I would have assumed it was because he was depressed or anxious or whatever, and therefore distracted, but now I know it is just simply alcoholic behavior. I was able to detach very well...maybe too well. This is all so weird...
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Detaching is a good thing. My xah is an ex so it is different but he did come home this weekend and came to see the kids. He just got out of rehab a week ago and wasn't drinking yet.
I was nervous because i did feel happy to get to see him. It was good to see him. The boys were very happy. It was even better to see him leave though so that is that.
I was nervous because i did feel happy to get to see him. It was good to see him. The boys were very happy. It was even better to see him leave though so that is that.
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