barb dwyer

I am not sure if this goes here -but this is where I post
and there's enough post-abuse people that read and post here
so this is where I'm putting this.

I got to school on Friday
opened my school email...

and there came three very slowly loading photos of my car.

INSANTLY

I'm triggered.
The 'stalking' alarm went off in my head.
Ten minutes later
come this email from security
saying that he was 'taking further measures'
because of my parking in the handicapped spaces.
Well. - BETWEEN the handicapped spaces.

That's not the point.
I freely admit I park there.
And when I do,
I'm prepared to get a ticket.

What *HE* doesn't know
is that my car has been getting vandalized
where I've been parking it.
Radio antennae bent over,
now a crack in the windshield
that kind of stuff.
WHat I'm NOT prepared for
is a threatening email
following photographs of my automobile.

That triggered me BIG TIME.

I have no IDEA what occurred in classes on Friday.
I was in full out combat mode.

Got home
called my sponsor
called my case manager
(for the disabled program for school)
and I mean
I battened down the hatches
even parking my car WAY up the hill
so I could see it from my apartment.

I stayed in the house for the most part
of the long weekend.
I went out a few times
over to a friend's all that...

but Friday night -
I didn't sleep.

Saturday was a little better
but was very jumpy and hyper vigilant.
I focused ALL that energy
into drawing and studying
for the anthropology mid-term exam today.

IT's taken three days to calm down.

I'm posting this here
Just so everyone can see

ANY of us ...
can get blindsided.
No matter HOW 'recovered' we are-
we're not 'well'.
We're just better.

Had I been ABLE to get to SR
for more than ten minutes at a time
I'd have come here and asked for company.
As it was - the computer
wouldn't pick up a 'wave' or whatever
because it snowed like a big dog
all weekend.

LOL

God I'm glad that's over.

oh and ps-

ACED the exam today.
LOL

Shellcrusher

I was just going to ask how you did on the exam.

Good for you! Seems like even in the heat of battle, you redirected your emotions to something positive and reaping the rewards.

wicked

Barb,

You aced the exam! Great news.


Thank you for sharing this Barb.
You handled this pretty well considering what happened.
Sometimes, I get a "hit" and it is like deja vu.
I freeze and try to figure it out.
Yeah, you did good, and I am getting better.

Beth
:ghug3

barb dwyer

I feel I should also include
that I have the appropriate stickers
to be parking in the handicapped area.

The thing is -
other people WITHOUT sticker
park there
and go off to class
leaving people like me
to either not GO to class
or to break the law.

So I park...in the security parking.
Which is right NEXT to the handicapped parking.

That's the nature of the war with that.

Tawanda and all that.

I emailed my advisor
and my OTHER advisor
(who is also the department head)
and am now going to set up a meeting
to lay out better ways
this guy could have handled that.
THing is
I'm not the only PTSD person up there.

he pulls that
with someone who HASN"T spent twenty years
getting hold of it...
do something like that
to someone without the tools
to handle a 'trigger' ...

and that could be really bad, you know?

this guy can learn better ways to communicate with people.

stella27

thank you. you make me feel better.

tallulah

The thing I have to keep reminding myself is, I don't wear a label saying 'survivor'. People, just looking at me going about my business don't know my story.. I can't be down on them because of that. And it is largely great because people can take me at face value.. but it's also difficult when a word, gesture, action can trigger a memory or a response.

I think talking to the guy's manager is probably a good idea.. especially if you couch it in terms of learning rather than admonishment. Also let them know the reason why you park where you do and see if you can come to some sort of compromise or arrangement.

I know as a survivor that I do not want to be treated any differently from anyone else, but sometimes a little leeway is needed.

Congrats on acing your test btw :ghug3

Tx

wicked

Yes, there must be a better way to handle this situation rather than sending an "accusing" picture of your car.
I hope this was a young person who got a little carried away with their duties.
But, still there could be a lesson here for her/him about how to handle people.


Beth

TakingCharge999

My car has got 2 cracks in the windshield .-... that alone has been very upsetting.

Maybe they can arrange to have more security in the surrounding areas because I bet your car has not been the only one vandalized.

You handled it well!! I admire your concentration even when you didn't feel so good.
HUGS!

Thumper

That is intense.

You sure handled it well an I agree with TC - the ability to use some of that energy to focus on studying of all things is really admirable. Yay for good grades too!

vujade

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for sharing this, Barb. First, I am going to give you a huge WAY TO GO for working your program. Whether or not you know it, you are an inspiration to all of us.

Second, you don't know how timely this was. I was just talking with someone today who has suffered abuse for the past two decades. He had a nasty message written in the dust on his vehicle yesterday and he just FREAKED OUT about it. I have to admit that I didn't really understand why he would over-react to it so much. I mean, it could have just been some kid walking by being a jerk. Did we really have to have three hours of conversation and tears and did he really have to flee the house?

All of the sudden...I UNDERSTAND!! I GET IT. Thank you. This is what its all about. Stuff like this is why we are here on SR.

theuncertainty

Good lord, just reading the part about the 3 very slow loading pictures was enough to get my heart racing and breathing shallowed. One of the main reasons I bought a different car was because the last one I had was very easily identifiable as mine. As in: "Look, there goes theuncertainty" while pointing several blocks away. OK maybe not several, but still, a couple. While there are similar cars in similar colors, there weren't more than a couple exact matches in-state, if any. Now, I blend in. XAH will have to really look to know it's me driving.

Excellent news about acing the test and I'm glad your advisors are supportive and you'll be able to set up a meeting to discuss the issue. I must second SKW's sentiments: You really are an inspiration, Barb.

Live

Barb,

That is eerie as hell!
And it would have spooked me to there and back.

I sincerely hope that they have a serious talk with him about how to handle things in a professional manner or give him something else to do.
I would still be freaking out that he has access to my email!

Impurrfect

(((Barb))) - GREAT on acing the test!!

I don't have the history of abuse, but have the PTSD from the robbery at work. Last week, I heard someone yell in the dining room at work...just kids, don't even know WHAT they yelled, but the tone and voice sent me right back. My heart dropped...I was figuring out whether to hit the floor, run out the door, or run back to the freezer, hitting the silent alarm on the way. All this in a split second. I was pretty unnerved for a bit, too...hypervigilant, on edge, etc.

I think the way you're dealing with is most excellent, but sorry you had to go through what you did. BTW, do they KNOW who they're dealing with? I think not, but I have a feeling they're about to find out

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

brokenheartfool

Hugs Barb, you're a strong woman!

coffeedrinker

good job, barbd. thanks for posting.

and congrats

barb dwyer

Thank you ****{everyone}}}

LIke I say, if it weren't so hard to hijack a wireless line LOL
around here lately

I'd have been on with YALL in a heartbeat!

When I'd get triggered at the bar
I'd do a shot.
"for my nerves".

Now, when I get 'hit' with a trigger
it takes FOREVER to get the adrenaline
to work out of the system.

Ususally - I clean.

This time I didn't cuz I am out of most of my cleaning stuff.

I almost went next door
to borrow A cup of bleach LOL

Anyway - thanks for the understanding
because

We never know.

We never know when or what
is going to set that thing off.

i call it the 'red october'
because the whole inside of my head
is like those scenes in that movie.
Red lights, alarms, the whole hollywood thing.

SO yes.

I spent a few days thinking about it
and there's newly home veterans
at that college
there's ( I know for a fact)
at least a half dozen post-abuse women
attending school on the Obama bill....

there's just no need for photos of your car
to come into it.

Had he written just an email
that would have just been another email to me.

Instead
this whole 'jaws' music thing ...

and like I say -
send something like that to the wrong person
(not like *I* am a 'right' person by a long shot)
and there could be a huge amount of trouble.

some guy with a gun showing up at school or something.
because he thinks he's being attacked.

Thank you for your responses -

barb dwyer

SKW -
thank you THANK you for your post.

And yes -
when we're 'set off'
we're NOT rational.

Not at all.
I can't imagine what that guy thought
getting THREE emails that were practicaly SMOKING
from me just bang bang bang LOL

he is probably already scared to death LOL.

But I'm glad you were there for your friend.

It's hard for me to be around anyone when I'm set off like that.

And yet it's the most terrifying lonely place in the world to be.

SO thanks for your post.

And ((((( Impurrfect))) LMAO

you got that right -
he certainly DID send that to the wrong student.

LOL

that one made me laugh.