A frightening epiphany
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
A frightening epiphany
Whew. A real tough one. I just realized my Higher Power isn't going to fix piddly squat.
I've got to do it.
That's pretty daunting. I know there are those with lower bottoms than mine. I'm not in jail. I never killed anyone while smashed on booze, pills or other drugs. I survived a 10-day stay in a shrink ward in a foreign land after going mad during withdrawals from living on 20 milligrams of Klonopin a day and slamming booze on top of it.
I nearly died.
After a few small decades living impaired, my remaining functioning neurons realize with crystal clarity the damage I've wrought to others and myself. Seems irreparable.
So I work the steps. I go to meetings. For the first time in my life I accept a Higher Power. I pray. I question what I'm doing and where I'm going and give it up to God to land me where I may.
But he's not going to repair what shrinks couldn't -- the major depression and panic disorder that shrinks only medicated for 20 years. Shoot.
He's not going to see me thorough bankruptcy, let me sit and collect disability checks and twiddle my navel nor restore the respect of my children.
How do I deal with that? Truck my butt to a meeting. Damn. Accept the things I can't change and muster the courage to change the things I can. Ouch. I'm approaching my sixth month of recovery.
When did you have that moment? What'd you do?
I've got to do it.
That's pretty daunting. I know there are those with lower bottoms than mine. I'm not in jail. I never killed anyone while smashed on booze, pills or other drugs. I survived a 10-day stay in a shrink ward in a foreign land after going mad during withdrawals from living on 20 milligrams of Klonopin a day and slamming booze on top of it.
I nearly died.
After a few small decades living impaired, my remaining functioning neurons realize with crystal clarity the damage I've wrought to others and myself. Seems irreparable.
So I work the steps. I go to meetings. For the first time in my life I accept a Higher Power. I pray. I question what I'm doing and where I'm going and give it up to God to land me where I may.
But he's not going to repair what shrinks couldn't -- the major depression and panic disorder that shrinks only medicated for 20 years. Shoot.
He's not going to see me thorough bankruptcy, let me sit and collect disability checks and twiddle my navel nor restore the respect of my children.
How do I deal with that? Truck my butt to a meeting. Damn. Accept the things I can't change and muster the courage to change the things I can. Ouch. I'm approaching my sixth month of recovery.
When did you have that moment? What'd you do?
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Realized this when I did my 6th step and my major character defects (which lead me back to alcohol) were not magically removed! 
Early sobriety is hard work but it is worth it and gets easier.
I hit three years last December and was told "now the fun starts".
Early sobriety is hard work but it is worth it and gets easier.
I hit three years last December and was told "now the fun starts".
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
