Newcomer here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 17
Newcomer here!
Hi everyone, just started this account after doing some googling, and found myself here! A little bit about me, I'm interested in embarking on sobriety (again), and don't much have the time for daily AA meetings, but wanted some sort of "sober outlet" to have in my back pocket, and seems like this may suit my needs just fine.
A bit of background about me, I took on recovery last March after having enough of feeling like crap all the time, and my home life was slowly falling apart in front of me. So I checked myself into a voluntary detox center and went through five days of detox, though I didn't think I much needed it. Everything went well, and I left on my own after that, started hittin' up AA meetings at a local venue, and then was just kind of enjoying life sober for four and a half months. I was amazed at how much I learned about myself being sober, not to mention, how much better I felt about life.
That all kind of went down hill when I had a child hood friend come into to town to visit. I hadn't seen him since a funeral for another one of our friends back in 2008, and we were having a great time. The first night they drank, and it seemed okay. I didn't have any obsession to drink like I thought I might. But the second night, I decided that maybe I was in control of my drinking, and could enjoy a few beers. But after that I kind of found myself slowly stepping back onto the same path. Within six weeks I had officially fallen into another black out drunk, and found myself apologizing the next morning to the wife for acting like an idiot.
I will say that I don't drink anything like what I used to, and I use the typical "I only drink beer" these days *(which is true by the way), but I know personally that the only reason I do that is because I'd have horrible DT's anytime I'd wake up after a bender with a bottle of anything but beer. Even these days I still have a rough few couple of days afterwards even on just beer. But it's not uncommon for me to go 10 days or hell, even three weeks without a drink these days. I think I've learned that I don't NEED alcohol like I once thought I did. But I still know that my biggest thing is boredom, and how I react to certain scenarios.
My wife and I were looking at seperation back in mid October, and naturally my first instinct was to grab the bottle and sit in the lonely house and get as drunk as I could for as many days as I could, but the stress of the whole situation was not healthy for me, and one day at work I had what I'm guessing to be a anxiety attack. Scared me to death, because I wasn't sure what was happening. Though I later learned that the fact that I hadn't eaten in almost three days, mixed with the over saturation of booze was probably weighing heavily on that. I got prescribed xanax by my doctor, who said that it's perfectly natural for anxiety to hit you like this when you have a lot of stress in your life. I didn't think much of it, and since then I've not had any thing close to the experience that I did on that particular day, but I do notice that I do get anxiety spells that make me feel kinda uncomfortable any time I wake up the next morning after drinking, especially if I tie any consecutive days back to back. In the past I'd always have a hard time with hangovers (who doesn't) but this is different. My wife and I have since gotten back together, and my house is a home again, but I still struggle with these anxiety feelings. The doctor gave me .5mg xanax which is weak in comparison to a lot of things, but even then I only eat a quarter of one when these feelings get me.
I have done a lot of reading online and it seems that this is normal in some people, and I guess it's just kind of confusing why it never happened like this before in the past. I do notice that after I've been dry for about five days that my need for xanax at all is next to none, and I'll be fine. I know it sounds stupid, because the obvious answer is "Well, then quit drinking!", and I've come to learn that, but that's why I'm here I guess is so that I have an outlet to pick some brains and get sober opinions on how it should go. I never got a sponsor when I was in AA, because I didn't much feel comfortable with getting on a personal level with someone who I deem to be a stranger, and still don't know if I'm willing to open up like that at this time, but it's a whole lot better when it's truly anonymous via a website. May be something that I didn't seek out before. Either way, I think after this past weekend that I'm ready to really put myself back in check and get my head straight. I've got three beautiful kids, a nice job in aviation, and house and two cars. I've got so much to live for, yet I can't seem to make it a top priority all the time. And that's what I want to get back to. Sad part is, is I'm truly sick of drinking, and feeling like crap, and I know in my mind that I'm perfectly capable of living a sober life, because I've just recently done it, and was happy with it. Again, I think my boredom is the biggest thing that I need to shake.
Either way, I look forward to checking in with you folks, and getting to know a little bit more about what it's all about (again).
Regards,
Nick
A bit of background about me, I took on recovery last March after having enough of feeling like crap all the time, and my home life was slowly falling apart in front of me. So I checked myself into a voluntary detox center and went through five days of detox, though I didn't think I much needed it. Everything went well, and I left on my own after that, started hittin' up AA meetings at a local venue, and then was just kind of enjoying life sober for four and a half months. I was amazed at how much I learned about myself being sober, not to mention, how much better I felt about life.
That all kind of went down hill when I had a child hood friend come into to town to visit. I hadn't seen him since a funeral for another one of our friends back in 2008, and we were having a great time. The first night they drank, and it seemed okay. I didn't have any obsession to drink like I thought I might. But the second night, I decided that maybe I was in control of my drinking, and could enjoy a few beers. But after that I kind of found myself slowly stepping back onto the same path. Within six weeks I had officially fallen into another black out drunk, and found myself apologizing the next morning to the wife for acting like an idiot.
I will say that I don't drink anything like what I used to, and I use the typical "I only drink beer" these days *(which is true by the way), but I know personally that the only reason I do that is because I'd have horrible DT's anytime I'd wake up after a bender with a bottle of anything but beer. Even these days I still have a rough few couple of days afterwards even on just beer. But it's not uncommon for me to go 10 days or hell, even three weeks without a drink these days. I think I've learned that I don't NEED alcohol like I once thought I did. But I still know that my biggest thing is boredom, and how I react to certain scenarios.
My wife and I were looking at seperation back in mid October, and naturally my first instinct was to grab the bottle and sit in the lonely house and get as drunk as I could for as many days as I could, but the stress of the whole situation was not healthy for me, and one day at work I had what I'm guessing to be a anxiety attack. Scared me to death, because I wasn't sure what was happening. Though I later learned that the fact that I hadn't eaten in almost three days, mixed with the over saturation of booze was probably weighing heavily on that. I got prescribed xanax by my doctor, who said that it's perfectly natural for anxiety to hit you like this when you have a lot of stress in your life. I didn't think much of it, and since then I've not had any thing close to the experience that I did on that particular day, but I do notice that I do get anxiety spells that make me feel kinda uncomfortable any time I wake up the next morning after drinking, especially if I tie any consecutive days back to back. In the past I'd always have a hard time with hangovers (who doesn't) but this is different. My wife and I have since gotten back together, and my house is a home again, but I still struggle with these anxiety feelings. The doctor gave me .5mg xanax which is weak in comparison to a lot of things, but even then I only eat a quarter of one when these feelings get me.
I have done a lot of reading online and it seems that this is normal in some people, and I guess it's just kind of confusing why it never happened like this before in the past. I do notice that after I've been dry for about five days that my need for xanax at all is next to none, and I'll be fine. I know it sounds stupid, because the obvious answer is "Well, then quit drinking!", and I've come to learn that, but that's why I'm here I guess is so that I have an outlet to pick some brains and get sober opinions on how it should go. I never got a sponsor when I was in AA, because I didn't much feel comfortable with getting on a personal level with someone who I deem to be a stranger, and still don't know if I'm willing to open up like that at this time, but it's a whole lot better when it's truly anonymous via a website. May be something that I didn't seek out before. Either way, I think after this past weekend that I'm ready to really put myself back in check and get my head straight. I've got three beautiful kids, a nice job in aviation, and house and two cars. I've got so much to live for, yet I can't seem to make it a top priority all the time. And that's what I want to get back to. Sad part is, is I'm truly sick of drinking, and feeling like crap, and I know in my mind that I'm perfectly capable of living a sober life, because I've just recently done it, and was happy with it. Again, I think my boredom is the biggest thing that I need to shake.
Either way, I look forward to checking in with you folks, and getting to know a little bit more about what it's all about (again).
Regards,
Nick
You'll find a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mt
Posts: 298
Scapilot Welcome. This is a wonderful resoure that has helped me with yet another hellish return from alcohol. Just remember that you can turn off your computer very easily when you want to drink and face to face you have some accountablity. Just a thought that you may want to back this forum up with other things. I know it is hard for guys to open up, but cognitive counseling might be something to look into. Rewire the hardware. Boredom is better than a broken family, lost job or death my friend and this diease is progressive. 
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, Nick - glad you found us! I use this forum every day - it's a great community!
My hangovers/anxiety/depression got worse over time, even when I had very little to drink. It's a relief not to have to live like that anymore.
I think we've all done the "I'll just have a few drinks - I can handle it now".......
only to find out that it starts the vicious cycle all over again. I'm glad you're renewing your determination to be sober. You and your family deserve it!
My hangovers/anxiety/depression got worse over time, even when I had very little to drink. It's a relief not to have to live like that anymore.
I think we've all done the "I'll just have a few drinks - I can handle it now".......
only to find out that it starts the vicious cycle all over again. I'm glad you're renewing your determination to be sober. You and your family deserve it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 17
Thanks for the warm welcome! My parents were both huge drunks growing up, and my dad still drinks/smokes pot to this day, as well as my brother who is the biggest drunk in denial that I've ever met. lol. He's been told that he's got HepC, and yet he drinks upwards of an 18 pack a day, but tells me that I'm the one with a drinking problem. I've learned how to turn him off in the back of my head, and these days it's a lot easier to acknowledge that I didn't make them that way, nor do I have to worry about how it is that they're going to get fixed. It's easier for me to just tune that out to an extent, but then again, it's always there when I go around them. I got out of the Navy in Nov. '09 after a nine year stint, and it seemed to have really gotten out of control when we moved back home. I left my home town to get away from the things that were the worst for me back as a 19 year old kid with no direction. And though these days I realize that I am a much better and accomplished person, I still feel like this wasn't the best place to come back to. But my family loves it here, and I've agreed that the place doesn't make the person, so I don't dwell on it anymore.
Regarding the anxiety, that's awesome news, and news that I was pretty certain was going to be the case, because again...I quit drinking for three weeks again here about a month ago, and it was like a switch had been turned off regarding the anxiety. I don't ever want to feel like I have to dependent on anything to make me feel "normal" or anything to that nature. I'm pretty laid back, and have recently took on a music project with a band full of pot heads. Doesn't bother me in the least because I haven't had any desire to want to do drugs since I left TX back in 2000, but just don't understand how I can't be the same with alcohol. I used to be a very big pot head, and smoke until it was gone, but just got sick of the feeling, and paranoia started getting bad there towards the end, so I essentially said "**** on this, I can choose whether or not I want to ever feel like this again". And that was just that.
Overall, I think this is a very cool forum, and I look forward to staying on here to get my head right. As long as I can just do the things that make myself and my family a little better each day, then I ultimately win in the end. I just know that I really don't need alcohol in my life, but wish I could just hit that switch, and let it be gone much like my smoking pot days were instantly just turned off.
Regarding the anxiety, that's awesome news, and news that I was pretty certain was going to be the case, because again...I quit drinking for three weeks again here about a month ago, and it was like a switch had been turned off regarding the anxiety. I don't ever want to feel like I have to dependent on anything to make me feel "normal" or anything to that nature. I'm pretty laid back, and have recently took on a music project with a band full of pot heads. Doesn't bother me in the least because I haven't had any desire to want to do drugs since I left TX back in 2000, but just don't understand how I can't be the same with alcohol. I used to be a very big pot head, and smoke until it was gone, but just got sick of the feeling, and paranoia started getting bad there towards the end, so I essentially said "**** on this, I can choose whether or not I want to ever feel like this again". And that was just that.
Overall, I think this is a very cool forum, and I look forward to staying on here to get my head right. As long as I can just do the things that make myself and my family a little better each day, then I ultimately win in the end. I just know that I really don't need alcohol in my life, but wish I could just hit that switch, and let it be gone much like my smoking pot days were instantly just turned off.
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