Appreciate some advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 29
Appreciate some advice
Hi there, I thought i would post to ask you guys for some guidance because my thoughts are pretty leading me back to being "un-sober" again. Back in december i made decision to quit hanging about about and take control.
Since then I've reduced my anti-depressents to zero (have been on them for almost a year), tapred off from codeine based tablets, quit the weed and stopped seeing a councillour.(i have continued to see a drugs councillour once every month). Its been a hellish few months, but i did manage a month totally sober and things have moved on considerably. I look and feel better and my personal situation is much better than before, it just seems that I came so far and now I feel im back at the start (i let my self induldge
)
It seems this is how far i get everytime, i just manage to scratch the surface and tidy up my act/life just enough to make myself feel great, then just find it hard to sustain its progress. I just feel that i get bored, since everything on my little "todo" lists have been completed, things that I neglected when I was high all the time, but once they are done, i find it hard to let my thoughts be on anything other than wanting to be high again.
I really dont know how to take things further, like how i start to deal with the emotions that lead me to using in the first place. Some of you will no doubt wonder why i quit seeing a councillour and came off the antidepressents, well thats a valid question! I've been seeking help from these for a long time (since I was 18, now 25) and I want to let myself be "me" again and have a fresh go at things.
Thoughts appreciated
Since then I've reduced my anti-depressents to zero (have been on them for almost a year), tapred off from codeine based tablets, quit the weed and stopped seeing a councillour.(i have continued to see a drugs councillour once every month). Its been a hellish few months, but i did manage a month totally sober and things have moved on considerably. I look and feel better and my personal situation is much better than before, it just seems that I came so far and now I feel im back at the start (i let my self induldge
)It seems this is how far i get everytime, i just manage to scratch the surface and tidy up my act/life just enough to make myself feel great, then just find it hard to sustain its progress. I just feel that i get bored, since everything on my little "todo" lists have been completed, things that I neglected when I was high all the time, but once they are done, i find it hard to let my thoughts be on anything other than wanting to be high again.
I really dont know how to take things further, like how i start to deal with the emotions that lead me to using in the first place. Some of you will no doubt wonder why i quit seeing a councillour and came off the antidepressents, well thats a valid question! I've been seeking help from these for a long time (since I was 18, now 25) and I want to let myself be "me" again and have a fresh go at things.
Thoughts appreciated
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Welcome!!!
If you're an addict/alcoholic, you really don't need any particular reason to get back on the merry-go-round. Any reason will do.
If you read enough stories here, you'll read countless times how this person or that started back on the cycle and couldn't tell you why, things were going 'so well'.
My experience, you have to hit a bottom, and you really have to embrace that concept of powerlessness. Sadly, I can't help you with either of those things, best I can do is suggest you do a little more reading-here-on the subject, at least you'll be educated.
Good luck.
If you're an addict/alcoholic, you really don't need any particular reason to get back on the merry-go-round. Any reason will do.
If you read enough stories here, you'll read countless times how this person or that started back on the cycle and couldn't tell you why, things were going 'so well'.
My experience, you have to hit a bottom, and you really have to embrace that concept of powerlessness. Sadly, I can't help you with either of those things, best I can do is suggest you do a little more reading-here-on the subject, at least you'll be educated.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mt
Posts: 298
Art what you are descibing is exactly what happens to me during every attemp at recovery. I am once again in day one of a detox. I did taper for a few days, but anyway. I get grandious and my addict voice convinces me that I over reacted to my old ways, been doing it for 30 years . Maybe look back on some of your old written work to remind you that there is a lot worse things than bordom. Be careful of the heart thumping need to use you get at times. Thats the thumping hungry addiction just around the corner waiting for one wrong move. The Son of a ***** never gets tired! Please keep on keeping on. It gives one such as myself hope.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
I think a lot of us recognise the pattern of getting things going well then thinking...hey things are good...but what now?
then the old alcoholic/addict thoughts start again.
The last time I sobered up I didn't want to do cosmetic tidying up - I really wanted to get to the heart of me and my fundamental problem/s & start rebuilding from the foundations.
I also wanted to make sure that my life would be so full that there'd be no room for me to drink or use on top of that.
I find it hard to drink/drug on a life you're happy with and grateful for.
It's an ongoing process - maybe a lifetime one - 4 years later I'm still going....
So...I guess the question is...what else do you want from your life Artifical?
D
then the old alcoholic/addict thoughts start again.
The last time I sobered up I didn't want to do cosmetic tidying up - I really wanted to get to the heart of me and my fundamental problem/s & start rebuilding from the foundations.
I also wanted to make sure that my life would be so full that there'd be no room for me to drink or use on top of that.
I find it hard to drink/drug on a life you're happy with and grateful for.
It's an ongoing process - maybe a lifetime one - 4 years later I'm still going....
So...I guess the question is...what else do you want from your life Artifical?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
Recovery is a journey, a life-long journey. It's hard and sad at times, but it's also full of joy and love. I truly believe that you do need to deal with the reasons you began to self-medicate. You need to look inward and begin to shine a light on the darkness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 29
Thats the thing, I really dont know what there is to deal with, I know I had pretty bad things happen to me when I was younger, but i dont hold any anger towards them like I used to.
It's not like im eating pills either, its like 2 co-codamols a taday, but its still an addiction.
It's not like im eating pills either, its like 2 co-codamols a taday, but its still an addiction.
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