Manz

These last few days have been emotionally hard, the worst of which is the ex husband filing for divorce, and telling me today the reason for it being he wants to remarry. Hey, it was my final decision to end it because of all the crap that was coming my way, but that still doesn't stop the pain and finality of realising that who I had hoped was my partner for life....just wasn't.

I want to know when I will be able to be hit with these emotional, trying things that life throws at us, and not want to pick up another drink. When do the connections in my brain get re wired and my automatic response to any shyte be to have a drink go away?

I know that it wont help a thing, I know that one drink will lead to a bottle, to another to goodness only knows where.....
I dont want to go back there, back to the horror and fear that my drinking gave me. I'm afraid that these urges will just never go away, that I will always be struggling against them.

I just want it to be in the past, I want my life back, and I want some happiness without booze and without the obsession over it.

Dee74

Hi Manz

I faced a lot of things in my first six months...one relationship ended, another started, I was sick, I had to move house, I had a lot of bureaucratic red tape to deal with...it was hard to deal with all that, and the cravings that came and went with all that too.

But I knew drinking could never be a solution for me again..so I got through everything sober, sometimes by the skin of my teeth, but I made it....and for each thing I got through, the next crisis was a *little* easier....

We drink for years and then we're so unused to dealing with the difficult crappy parts of life because we numbed ourselves through stuff like that.

But I believe we're all a lot more capable than we perhaps give ourselves credit for.

I'm sorry for your situation - it's been hard for me to see old partners moving on too...but the way I figure now that means there's something good yet to come

lean on your mates here too Manz

D

Ghostly

Manz - Congrats on the sober time! You are doin great. 5 weeks is still soooooo early. It will take some time to adjust to things. Are you doin any f2f support? It might help. Hang in there.

Kmber2010

Hang in there Manz. I know this is a rough spot for you but you are doing so great and I know that the positive change in you since the start of this journey has been amazing.

This will pass I do assure you. I know when I divorced, even though it was the best thing and I had moved on, it was the years together that took time to move beyond. So I get it......its the closing of a door.

You are stressing now but keep moving forward - focusing on you and the beautiful life that you are giving your son as the best mom you can be!

Suggestion is to amp up the counseling there. It really helped me work through the issues and changes I was going through. Then again you know all this my friend.

Keep it going.....even months into it I still had the first thought of turning to the bottle when I hit a tough patch. Coming here and sharing is what I did and working harder in my recovery to find more positive ways to work through. Nothing is as bad as it would seem at the time but I know as do you that if you drink......wham right back at it we go.

Huggs and keep sharing! Your progress Manz is inspiring~

GettingStronger2

Manz,

I sent you a PM. I hope this finds you still strong and still sober. Emotions are hard. They are even harder sober. But you can get through them, and you can deal with them. Thing is, if we drink them away, we don't really. They just pile up and wait for us. Then we have to deal with them all at once, which is way harder.

Manz

Thank you guys, it really helps to know that someone, somewhere out there cares. At times the isolation of where i have placed myself because of the drink, and associated deep depression, make me feel that no one really does..... care.
But most importantly I have to care enough for myself, which I am starting to do.

I DID NOT DRINK. I am pleased that I didn't, pleased that I allowed myself to sit with the pain. Not something I have done in the past, rather something that I have done anything I can to avoid.

So I am doing things differently, everyday..... so maybe I can have something different, and better in and for my life.

Thank you all, as always for your support, SR truly has been my safe place and guiding hand for these last few weeks.

Dee74

way to go Manz

D

Anna

Good for you, Manz, and that's how you get through it, and that's how it will get easier.

I am sorry about the loss of your marriage, but have faith that things are evolving as they should.

least

Good for you for not giving in to temptation. It will get better, with time.

recoverywfaith

You are grieving the alcohol and grieving your ex-husband. Be gentle on yourself and know that it is the normal process and will pass. Good for you for starting to love yourself and taking risk coming here. We recover together.

Kmber2010

Your update put a huge smile on my face!! I have been there like others. You hold tight and keep pushing forth. No matter what you don't give in!!

We are here for you