beautifulgirl

My children and I are visiting my husband for the first time in rehab tomorrow. I am sure the kids will be very happy to see their daddy. I am a little tense about the visit. I am not sure about ah's recovery. He says he is never doing drugs again and is pretty solid about it when he says it but he has picked up smoking cigarettes and he was trading stuff of his to get them because he had no money. I am not sure if he is anymore. When I found out about it I told him my feelings were that the cigarettes were replacing the drugs and that trading things to get cigarettes was addict behavior. I also told him my opinion was that it was not rational for a 30 year old man who did not smoke cigarettes to all of a sudden start. Since then he has thought of me like a counselor and instead of his wife.
Anyway, we have to go to the rehab. It will be the kids only opportunity to see him while he is there and they want to see him and I want them to.
I wonder though if I should cave in and bring him a pack of cigarettes to make it easier for him. I mean would I be helping his recovery process or hurting his recovery process?
What do you all think?

keepinon

Well I've been to 2 differnt rehabs (of my daughters)and I'd say most of the addicts/alcoholics smoke like chimney and drink coffee like their lives depend on it.Is it addictive behavior?Clearly.Is it better than smking heroin?I thinks so.I hate that my daughter smokes, but the consensus was..one thing at a time, so against what i actually approve of I have sucked it up and bought her cigarettes..depends on what you feel comfortable with.I just plain gave in on this one..she's been clean 5 mo. now and I hope when further in her recovery she will choose to stop.

beautifulgirl

Thank you so much for your opinion. I don't want to feed into addict behavior but if it actually helps him to stay off of illegal drugs than I would rather buy him cigarettes.
I think if I buy him some he will feel better. I think he is feeling bad that he is trying to recover and I won't accept him doing the lesser of all evils. It is legal though and even though I don't like it, it is better than heroin like you said.

JustMe100

My daughter smoked like a train in rehab and so did everyone else, including the staff.

totfit

Anyone who is smoking is not recovering, including the staff in a rehab. Starting smoking at 30yo while in rehab is an addict response. Nicotine is a highly addictive drug and hard to quit. Smoked in tobacco, it is also one of the most deadly drugs in the long run. More alcoholics die from smoking than they do drinking. The reason smoking is not frowned upon is that it is so very difficult to quit and those that quit everything else often can't quit smoking. Is it better than doing other things? Yes, maybe until it kills them or robs them of their quality of life or contributes to someone else's ill health due to second hand smoke. While this may not be a popular opinion in some "recovery" circles it is the truth. Denial is a strong foe.

jolivo

heyyy Beautiful, i have noticed that alot of people give up drugs/alcohol and give into cigarettes. if you are unsure, talk to a person who has had a good amt. of recovery time and his counselor. his attitude of looking to you as a counselor instead of wife thats normal. early stages of recovery are filled with resent. the sky is dark i resent it so on and so on. but you keep strong dont let him manipulate you. def. talk to his counselor and get some insight. along with that read 12 steps. it will help you dive into his mind/hear without getting hurt.

jolivo

aside from that, nicotine is a drug. the cigarette is a quick fix. it releases chemicals that make you high. when you come down you lite up again. yes yes it is better than heroin. however it kills you slower, costs 400.00 a month depending on how much is smoked, robs you of free time, health of your loved ones. it is a drug. my sponsor told me one thing ata time when i was on the pink cloud i wanted to quit everything on the same day lol

jolivo

However dont compromise yourself, addicts do what is in their nature. survive. instead of trading things for my drug of choice, i pawned my things. Stay strong on your side. Treat him with love and support Yes, but dont Compromise. stick to your guns on whatever decision you have made. God Bless You and your Wonderful Children Beautiful. Im here with what I can offer, encouragement, support, ears, heart, and the gift of listening

kiki5711

When I was in rehab they actually wake you up at 7am for a morning smoke brake. I was really surprised. I was thinking why in the world would they wake people up to smoke!!!!

I am a smoker too and enjoyed my smoke brakes with others but I surely didn't get up just to smoke.

They told me that for heavy smokers if they don't get their smoke fix in the morning they have a hard time concentrating on in the meetings until the next brake.

beautifulgirl

Ok, I am hearing so many different points of view. I know that it is no good for him. Starting at 30 yrs old while in rehab is just switching from one drug to another but and I know it can kill him but smoking cigarettes is legal and is his choice. The question is should I bring him cigarettes or not?

kiki5711

Did he ask you to bring him some? If he didn't ask then don't. If he asked then do. It's my take on it. This is not a good time to get on his back about it. It will make him feel negative and harder to get through rehab. LIke they say, "one thing at a time".

My own doctor told me not to try and quit smoking while I was going through "very extreme emotional life change". (nothing to do with alcohol). He said to take it easy and work on it later. One thing at a time. It can be so toxic on your nerves and mental state of mind trying to deal with everything at once, that it can push you backwards.

kiki5711

And don't tell him how bad sugar is for him and that he can't eat any more cookies either.

When I was in rehab I didn't want to see anyone on "family day". They annoyed me to death as it was, that week in rehab was my time. I didn't want "my" time to be ruined by some whining in my face.

I'm not saying family time is not important, I was just sharing how my experience was.

keepinon

disagree

keepinon

Life isn't black or white..maybe just bring him 20 bucks and let him be a big boy and decide what to do. I hope the visit with the kids goes well..I would really try, like Cynical said to focus on his recovery and how thats going instead of getting hung up on the smoking thing. One day at a time..

Chino

Good question! My RAD's rehab taught us to "wait for the question" because offering everything all the time, whether advice, money, etc, is how we enable and control.

beautifulgirl

I did think of how our children would be affected by seeing their dad in rehab. I took them because I thought it would be good for them. They do know he is in rehab. I have been very honest with them. They know their dad is addicted to drugs, has a problem, and is in a place getting help from dr's and counselors who are helping him learn how to stay away from drugs. Knowing this, the kids do not think they did anything wrong. The kids and I are all very happy that their dad is getting the help he needs. The kids also know when their dad is supposed to come home so they do not wonder about that either. I am not sure if they ever wonder if he is going to die. They know he could if he does drugs but right now he is in treatment not doing drugs so I do not think they think he is going to die right now. We all wonder if he is going to get better. I think that is a natural feeling that we all feel when our loved ones are addicted to drugs or have any sickness. They know he loves them. I know he loves me. He has a disease that takes over his life when he chooses drugs. I am sure the kids have never wondered if their dad loved them. The kids think they will see their dad again if they allow us another visit or when their dad is done with treatment.

Kiki and Chino, Yes, he asked me to bring him cigarettes. I would never give him cigarettes if he did not ask.

and that brings me to our visit. We did go today. I brought him three packs of cigarettes. He went into rehab on his own. I did not tell him to go. He chose to stop doing drugs on his own and is strong in his words that he never wants to use again. His letters and words are rational and not words of an active user. I decided that I am not going to make him feel like crap for wanting to smoke cigarettes at this time. He enjoyed seeing the kids and the kids loved seeing him. We did not say much to each other but that's ok. I am happy that the kids saw their dad in rehab clean and sober. It is much better than them seeing him on drugs.

ready2learn

My AS has been in rehab for 6 months, and they are really strict. He had quit smoking about a year ago by switching to "dipping" tobacco...yuck, nasty habit. The first thing they told him when we took him there was to lose the dip, and that's been one of the toughest things he's had to do, after detoxing. They don't allow money either, except in a commissary account that the family funds. I've read the responses on both sides of the fence here. I don't know, maybe go with your gut instinct. If my son were allowed to start smoking now and he started again, I'd probably tell him that he should have thought about how he was going to support the habit before he started it, but that's just me. Before he went into rehab and was smoking, when he quit his job he asked me for money for cigarettes. I told him to get off his behind and find a job if he wanted to smoke.

beautifulgirl

Yep. that is a valid response however he is inpatient right now and does not have the option to work so it would be hard to tell him that.

Sunshine2

Smoking doesn't cause a person to lose a job, a home and a family. Drugs do.

Smoking is not illegal and he will not go to jail for that. He will for drugs.

You can still hold a job perfectly when you smoke. Can you do the same with drugs?

I don't know. I am an ex-smoker and it is definitely an addiction and ultimately bad for your health. However, he will be able to be a good dad and husband even whilst smoking cigarettes and he won't die from it tomorrow.

If it was me I would not even be concerned about it.

beautifulgirl

I agree with you wheredoiturn. I am happy that I made the choice that I did. Cigarettes are legal. It is his choice whether he would like to smoke them.

I am not sure if my point was clearly understood by all. Although cogarettes are bad and we all know that, I was not really concerned with him smoking cigarettes. I was concerned that being he did not smoke previously that he was engaging in addict behavior and that if I gave him cigarettes I was enabling his addict behavior which might halt his recovery process.