SoberinHburg

I am really struggling through my recovery so far. I posted a few days ago and have been really amazed at the support here. I have been sober from alcohol for 16 months at day’s end. I’ve been completely off Klonopin for about 6 and a half months. I drank for 40 years and took the Klonopin daily for the last 13 years of drinking. The reason for quitting the Klonopin was that several people were telling me I wouldn’t really feel better till the Klonopin was gone - that my brain would not recover. I’ve been working my recovery program and praying to God (of my understanding) through these 16 months. I have yet to have a “good day.” People tell me “It gets better, you are right where you should be.” I know that my brain believes I’ve been sober for only 6 and a half months. I understand that. I’ve tried several antidepressants and so forth, but nothing has really done anything to help.

Is it “unusual” for PAWS and its anxiety/depression to hang on this long without letting go? I know that everyone goes through early sobriety differently. It seems that the “feelings” of PAWS have intensified these past couple weeks. I have read that PAWS “peaks” in 3 to 6 months. (from the Digital Dharma link to PAWS). Perhaps that is what is happening. Does that sound familiar to anyone? Maybe my lengthy use of Klonopin while drinking is prolonging this part of recovery for me. Thanks.

Don

Ghostly

I think you drank for a long time and it is takin a while to adjust. I'm no expert on PAWS but that doesn't seem to be what you're goin through. Seems to me, from this one post I read from you, that there may be other things goin on. I'd say it wouldn't be a bad idea to check into counseling or something similar. Good luck.

Danae

Wow---congratulations on stopping both alcohol and klonopin. That is wonderful.

I think PAWS is used in a fairly vague way by a lot of people, as a sort of catch-all. You seem to have made amazing progress, but if you still aren't feeling good---ever---I'd agree that it is time to see a Dr (or a better/different one) or counselor.

If you've already tried anti-depressants then maybe there is something else they can suggest? Or perhaps a different class of antidepressants (that helped me).

Hope you get some help with this, you deserve it!

SoberinHburg

I've tried all the different classes of antidepressants and even other things like Seroquel. My psychiatrist released me because there are essentially no more meds to try. I have been seeing a therapist for about a year. We are pretty much at a loss. She says that it takes up to 2 years for the brain to recover from alcohol/benzos. Maybe I need to be more patient, but this has been very difficult. I have heard that ECT may actually be better than antidepressants - especially for treatment-resistant individuals. Since I am off benzos, maybe that is worth a try. If I knew what direction to turn, I'd turn that way. I thought recovery from the booze and benzos would bring "happy, joyous, and free" living. Haven't gotten there yet, but it has to be here somewhere. Just have to find it.

Spawn

PAW..........is the brain healing itself and it can last up to 2 years.
The trick is not to resent PAW but accept it for what it is......what helped me was just thinking off them as growing pains.........
they do pass and our recovery is stronger for it....try not to think of your recovery as a time line...but think of it as a journey.

Dee74

My experience with what I believe was PAWs was short bursts not a protracted malaise, so I don't know, Don.

None of us are doctors - 16 months is a long time to feel badly...maybe it's time to get another opinion from a professional?

D

Stevie1

Dan...I had never heard of PAWS until very recently, on this forum.

This is just my personal experience - this is the way my brain has been for many years, to the extent that I had a brain MRI done to check for organic damage (none visible.) The p-doc thought perhaps some sort of brain injury....but probably just from many years of what I call brain cooties (bi-polar, MDD, and years of on and off meds) which all can damage your brain and affect functioning and cognition.

So...from what I read about PAWS, it's small potatoes compared to how my brain has been functioning for years, and not a big deal to me.

The good news: the brain regenerates itself. I am having a major brain fart right now; there's a great book and if I could think of the author, the title or where I put it, I would recommend it to you...PM me if you're interested, I have it here somewhere.

Bottom line though: ask for a consult with another doctor. It can be extremely difficult to find the right meds combination (if that's what you need) and I also think it's perhaps unrealistic to expect clarity and joy simply by quitting alcohol and meds.

myheadhurts

As you are only off benzos for 6 months now you are in the generally accepted time period for benzo PAWS of 6 - 18 months. If you look around some benzo specific forums you will find many people in the same situation as yourself. I myself am 7 months off and am still suffering.

SoberinHburg

Thanks myheadhurts. I found a benzo site that mentions the 6 to 18 month range. Just as importantly, in the FAQ for that site, it is stated that protracted withdrawal for benzos is "roughly defined as a significant, debilitating, and continuous (not minor or occasionally occurring) symptoms persisting beyond about one year after cessation..."

That does ease my concern about my symptoms being continuous (not fluctuating) throughout this whole ordeal. The first 9 months were probably tolerance withdrawal (even though I was off the booze), and the past 6 to 7 months are the actual protracted withdrawal (with a few antidepressant withdrawals interspersed). As long as I know it will end and that it is normal, I feel a great deal better.

SSIL75

Are you living a life that you enjoy? Like... do you like your job. Do you have a hobby that brings you joy. Do you feel loved/do you love. KWIM? Not really things to answer to me necessariliy but the turning point on my own journey has been realizing that I need specific, tangible, joyful things often. To DO those things. Sometimes I feel like my whole life I've just sat, drank and thought. It's an uphill battle for me to make action a default.

I don't know. That's all I have to offer. Sorry if it's lame.