JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Ok - Looked at him in the face tonight and he started to have that look that he could suck me back in. You know that look, the one where we feel that he can change and be the person they were before. Help and remind me of what the real deal is....

suki44883

Maybe go back and read your earlier posts. Remind yourself why you left in the first place. That usually works for me.

dancingnow

Just curious - is your A in recovery?

I'm still seeing the same look on my AH's face that I can now step away from because I recognize and accept it is alcohol talking and it is lying and manipulation.

I am hoping that true recovery will give me a different look. A look that says I'm in recovery and I am hoping we can try to make things work out between us, despite all our past transgressions.

Am I dreaming or what?

Sorry JRG if I'm not much help, as I am still trying to make sense of my own reality.

zrx1200R

The real deal is they lie and say anything they can to get what they want.

Your love for his is strong. But your love can not conquer his demons.

His mojo is strong on you. that's ok. It's part of what makes us who we are.

Saying "be strong" is easy. Doing it is another think entirely. But I know you can be strong.

Remember: His past behavior is the best indicator of his future performance. He might get better. And if he does, you can have a future with him. Make him work a little harder for it.

tallulah

I agree with reading your previous posts. They're like a mini journal and handy reminder for those weak moments.

Tx

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Thanks, your post are the ballss and this is exactly what I need to hear right now. Keep them coming cause I need them RIGHT NOW!! We all know the drill.....



This site helps so much, cause you guys TOTALLY understand!!

thanks

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Oh Dancingnow- It is like what I refer to HALF ASS RECOVERY!! Starts and stops drinking for months at a time.

blwninthewind

I journal EVERY day...sometimes more than once.

I know I could be using the time I spend on all of this studying but while I don't want to obsess...I do know that if I don't keep the pain alive in my heart I will take him back.

My kids future may depend on what we do over the next few months...being a child of an A and having married an A (who I did not know at the time was an A or I would have run the other way..)..I know statistically my kids are screwed.
ESPECIALLY if I don't do all I can to prevent us messing them up even more.

(sigh!) This SUCKS!!
I don't know...I'm feeling lonely

zrx1200R

I support the journal concept. I started keeping a near daily record when she came back from the failed rehab attempt. I didn't go back and read it for months. But when I did, I was shocked at all the things I'd "forgotten".

I was telling myself she had been doing good. I suppose I was simply listening to her own propaganda. When I went back and read my journal, I was appalled to see she had never gone more than 2-3 days without drinking.

Shortly after this she let loose with a huge pat on the back for herself and how well she had been doing. Only because I had read my notes just a day or two before, I was fully armed. And I didn't let that delusion stand.

Now, I no longer record every day. I try and capture the big events, but mostly just put in a weekly update.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

OK I made it through without caving. He is still trying to act like everything is ok even though I have said that in my mind, although we live in the same house right now, we are separated.

Why do they do this? Why can't they accept that we haev had enough and to stop trying to push themselves on us??

Chelle3

I have the same difficulties as you. I wonder if most people in a relationship with an alcoholic do.

When things aren't so bad, I can look at my relationship with my AH and have a glimmer of hope. That glimmer is always there, deep down inside I want things to be OK and I tell myself that if x,y and z were to happen then things would be fine. I have to remind myself that past behavior is a predictor of future behavior, but there's always that little voice that says what if....

Drives me crazy too.

zrx1200R

They simply have nothing to lose.

If they accept your version of reality, then it's over. They have to grow up, move on, or find another support system.

If they continue to work on you, there's a chance it might work. It has in the past. They know they've done terrible things, yet we still stood by them. Now, with all the delusional quacking, they convince themselves they are magically healed. In their mind, why would you not stay together? They have finally done the thing we've asked them to. They are "fixed". Let's live happily ever after.

Nothing to lose by trying. Everything to gain (for them) by trying. Sound familiar?

TakingCharge999

Congrats for staying strong!!!!!!!!
Things are easier for me when I assume the ex is lying. And also what helped me was to go to AA meetings and hear the Alkies that got years of real recovery under their belt.