brokenheartfool

6+ months away from exah, and a phone call tonight reminded me of what it was like to make plans with him when intoxicated. He was drinking and i could tell by his voice, repeating things, the usual, we all know!

Now I've been missing him so much i thought we could give it another go. But...talking to him brought it all back like it was yesterday.
I honestly don't want to TRY TO RELATE to an active drinker. It's IMPOSSIBLE!

We have a date coming up.
Now I don't want to get into a position where I just want to SHOOT MYSELF.
Which is a thought if...nothing changes...nothing changes.
I could get back in...lightbulb moment here...

watch this: !!!
Pacino!
Anybody involved with an alcoholic needs to watch this, it's about 5 seconds long, so don't hesitate to click on it!
YouTube - Al Pacino The Godfather - Just When I Thought I Was Out

LexieCat

Yeah, I've often thought of that line.

Why are you going out with him? I'm a little confused--the title of the thread was "too much detachment?"

brokenheartfool

Too much detachment--as in having forgotten since I haven't lived with him for many months now.
Why go out with him--miss him, still love him.
He has been working on drinking less, but I think he's not considering giving it up entirely.
He called again and sounded sober after his dinner. It was a normal conversation.

Live

hey, I find the memories of the craziness get really dimmed. But then one conversation with someone from my past (and I do still talk to some and also have family-far away family) who is sounding drunk...and I get the heebie jeebies big time. I always come away knowing I can never be close to active alcoholism in my life ever again.

I would wind up guilty of homicide or something. No tolerance for it left at all.

LexieCat

Detachment doesn't mean amnesia, lol.

I "worked on drinking less" for four and a half years. In the end, I wasn't drinking less at all.

Live

Some things I am happier not remembering too well then! LMAO

24Years

Maybe too much attachment to the illusion of a good thing whether that be a kind word, kind gesture, etc. Active alcoholism is not a good thing.

Shellcrusher

What are you doing, BHF?
If you need a reminder of why you detached in the first place there may be better alternatives than meeting up with him again.

When I'm especially emotional and thinking back to good times and wondering if I can have them again, I either read my diary or write some more...

No conversation where you're listening for clues to his sobriety is actually a normal conversation. Who evaluates conversations based on another persons level of sobriety? Codies.

lillamy

Amen to that. I have three good friends that I told, in the middle of the worst times, "if I ever get out of this alive, and I start forgetting -- please knock me upside the head with some stories that I've told you."

And they do. And I love them for it.

The thing is, once you're away from the madness, you start telling yourself stories in your mind about how everything is going to be different. But they're just that, stories. Like you said -- nothing changes if nothing changes.

Do you really want to go on that date?

Live

The good thing is..with distance, it sounds insane the minute we start to hear it, instead of trying to make sense of it as we used to.

That's true for me anyway.