purpleturtle

I am new here and just trying to cope.Ive been clean since 2009. Sometimes I feel like I could fall off the wagon. Ive had many things happening in the last few months and its been hard. I retired from driving 18 wheeler in April and have been trying to find other work. Thats the 1st stressor. I have a boyfriend whos been working on knocking my self confidence down, bordering on verbal and mental abuse. Then my grandfather passed last month. Then I found out my Dad has a serious heart condition. Then I find out Im going to be a gramma through the grapevine and my son isnt speaking to me and wont call to tell me. About 2 wks ago my boyfriend had a headon collision (He still drives 18 wheeler) with another big truck. Multiple facial fractures, 2 plates in his eye socket, etc. So now He's not working. Then I put his brand new p/u in the ditch and the guy that pulled it out stopped too soon and the bumper is messed up and the side is buckeled. Ive been depressed, angry, and a multitude of other things. But this is helping me, writing about it.

picablue

God that's awful. That is a lot of stress. And it's too bad your boyfriend can't be helpful instead of knocking down your self confidence! Why should he do that? You don't deserve it. He should support you and believe in you!

I think you know this, but if you turn to drugs or drinking that'll just be one more problem on your list-- and think of how stressed out you'll be about messing up your sobriety-- You have done something great since 2009.

You need your wits about you now more than ever.

numbintennessee

I am new to the group and I know when all goes wrong for me I do think about how much worse it would be if I used, I want to use it all is great, I think well this would be even better if I used. Then I have to have talk with myself. Thanks for sharing, and things will get better, sometimes we reach up to touch the bottom

purpleturtle

Ive been trying to take care of my boyfriend. Calling the bill collectors , no income at the moment. Buying extra food cuz he cant chew and the housework and trying to find a job myself. All he does is pick fights with me. Nothing I do is enough. Im going bck to old bad habits. I had a temper tantrum a few days ago and threw all my antique glass out the back door. He keeeps at me and I dont know what else to do with my anger, verging on rage. I cant keep doing that.

Dee74

Welcome to all you guys - you'll all find a lot of support here

PT I'm sorry for all of that - maybe you need to think about your domestic situation is good for the both of you? are there any alternatives?

I hope you'll keep looking for some real life support too.
D

purpleturtle

My alternatives. Im pretty sure I just got hired at a new job since they had me go for a drug test. Ive already decided to start saving my money once I start working. I'll have no choice but to leave him. Its not a good situation for me to be in. Ive been told he is recovering by his family. But he is the 1st one to say he didnt have an alcohol problem they forced (court) him into treatment. He just says he doesnt drink. He currently isnt in any kind of treatment. Personally I think he needs to talk to a therapist or something. nIm stuck in this situation for now.

Hevyn

Purpleturtle, welcome. I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad time - glad it helps to write about it. I found that to be true, too. I never had so much understanding as I've found here.

Welcome to pica and numbintenn too. It's wonderful you found us - please tell us more about yourselves and keep on talking.

picablue

I hope the job works out. You are doing what you need to do to help yourself. It sounds like an awful situation. But, you can see this and you have a plan.

purpleturtle

I think right now my biggest problem is controling my temper again. One of my friends told me to deal with him I should use the old frying pan method. It was intended as a joke, I wouldnt do it. But darn, it I think about it. nHe does everything he can to get me upset. Even had a fight the other night about whether he can control me . I told him it cant be done and he said watch me, wont tell me what he's planning but said watch out.

Dee74

No, that doesn't sound good....for either of you - hope the job comes through, PT.

D