Anybody had similar problems?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
Anybody had similar problems?
Hello Everyone. I am not sure I am an alcoholic. I know I have a problem at moments with alcohol but other moments I am able to convince myself that I have no problems. For example, i have had the same bottle of hard liquor and beer in my fridge for about a year and havent even thought about drinking from it. I can go out to dinner and while others may drink I have absolutely no temptation to drink. I always choose a diet coke over any drink when Im eating. But, when I choose to go out to a bar or club and decide to drink I end up binging, consuming other drugs (cocaine), and behaving and spending money money uncontrollaby. This would be for that night. The next day I will feel extremely guilty, sleep all day and it will take me a few days to feel normal and happy again. Once i am back to feeling myself I will convince myself that its ok to go out and end up doing the same thing. This has become a vicious cycle. Does this mean I can never drink again or go out again?
I have also been seing a psychologist and she insists that I am not an alcoholic but honestly dont know if to believe her because this has been going on for quite a while.
I would greatly appreciate your opinions and if any of you have had similar experiences.
Thanks!
NLB
I have also been seing a psychologist and she insists that I am not an alcoholic but honestly dont know if to believe her because this has been going on for quite a while.
I would greatly appreciate your opinions and if any of you have had similar experiences.
Thanks!
NLB
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I'm not sure it matters what anyone else thinks or what you call yourself nolookingback - you think it's a problem and I'm sure you know your life is better without alcohol....guilt and regret aren't great things to live with.
What else are you doing for your recovery?
D
What else are you doing for your recovery?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
NLB,
When I had some seriously bad addictive behavior (and it went far beyond drinking), it started off as sprees - I'd be good for awhile, resist, resist, resist, then binge out like a madman, wake up remorseful, with less money, brain cells, and self-esteem. I did this before I was an active drinker too but drinking certainly didn't help. I just wanted to "lose" myself in anything for a period of time, which I thought was normal but in fact was not.
I consider my alcoholism to be mainly a function of - once I start drinking I can't stop and over time I drank more and more often. To see the patterns, I had to look over years of drinking.
But either way the sprees didn't help.
When I had some seriously bad addictive behavior (and it went far beyond drinking), it started off as sprees - I'd be good for awhile, resist, resist, resist, then binge out like a madman, wake up remorseful, with less money, brain cells, and self-esteem. I did this before I was an active drinker too but drinking certainly didn't help. I just wanted to "lose" myself in anything for a period of time, which I thought was normal but in fact was not.
I consider my alcoholism to be mainly a function of - once I start drinking I can't stop and over time I drank more and more often. To see the patterns, I had to look over years of drinking.
But either way the sprees didn't help.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Hi NLB,
My own experience is that doctors I asked didn't think I had a "real" problem, and that I should try to moderate. I decided on my own that I am an alcoholic and can't drink safely at all after a lot of guilt and shame and hungover days. I feel I wasted time with the moderation effort. And I felt let down by the medical professionals.
I agree with Dee---if you think you have a problem, that is worth paying attention to.
Also, if you read on SR many of us found that our behavior was progressing alarmingly. Alcoholism is progressive.
Only my 2 cents worth
Welcome!
My own experience is that doctors I asked didn't think I had a "real" problem, and that I should try to moderate. I decided on my own that I am an alcoholic and can't drink safely at all after a lot of guilt and shame and hungover days. I feel I wasted time with the moderation effort. And I felt let down by the medical professionals.
I agree with Dee---if you think you have a problem, that is worth paying attention to.
Also, if you read on SR many of us found that our behavior was progressing alarmingly. Alcoholism is progressive.
Only my 2 cents worth
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
One sign of alcoholism is the inability to control your drinking once you start. The opinion of a psychologist isn't worth much to me. Most aren't very familiar with the disease. I am, as I'm an alcoholic. My opinion? You have a problem here. If you're not an alcoholic you will become one they way you're going. So I suggest that you not drink any more.
Does this mean you can't go out again? Uh, no. You can still go out. Just don't drink. It's actually possible to have a good time without drinking, you know. Just takes a little practice.
Does this mean you can't go out again? Uh, no. You can still go out. Just don't drink. It's actually possible to have a good time without drinking, you know. Just takes a little practice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
You might or might not be an alcoholic based on the 'AA' definition (or any other criteria for that matter), but it's also possible to have a serious 'problem' with drinking whether or not you fit the description of alcoholic. Your drinking is clearly causing serious problems for you, but even the Big Book of AA says that there are plenty of ways people can have drinking problems and not necessarily be alcoholic. All of this to say that I'd suggest you need to deal with your drinking problem whether or not it's alcoholism (or identified as such at this point.) You'll find lots of support here regardless so keep posting, sharing, and asking questions. Hopefully you'll find some answers and solutions that work for your particular situation.
Stephanie
Stephanie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
As much as I have respect for those in the medical field, and also as much as I "respect" alcohol as a chemical, I have found it to be an error in ANY doctor who is not a real alcoholic to assume their patient is or is not one.
Why?
Because if a doctor is not a real alcoholic as descibed in the BB of AA on the following pages, then how cam that doctor, as a human, understand the innner experience when we real alchys thake that first drink.
below is courtesy of Paul F from XA-Speakers.
Roman numeral 27, XXVII 4th edition
Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor,
Roman numeral 27 3rd edition Roman numeral 29 in 4th edition
They took a drink a day or so prior to the date,
and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests.
Roman numeral 26 XXVI 3rd edition
28,( XXVIII) paragraph 1. 4th editionWe believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy.
And never, never means, not one time, occurs in the average temperate drinker.
In one sentence Dr Silkworth tells me how to determine if I’m an alcoholic
bottom of that page, 2nd line from the bottom
They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity
In other words, I have to find something in sobriety to give me the same sense of ease and comfort that alcohol gave me.
xxix page 29 4th edition
“After they have succumbed to the desire again”
, the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink again.
This is repeated over and over and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
You know what psychic means?
It means mind
psychic change to change the way my mind think about alcohol.same page, go down to line 3, paragraph 3.
One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change
page 11, Paragraph 4
Had this power originated in him? . Obviously it had not.
That is the very essence of Step 1.
In other words the authors have spent half of the book on the instructions, 43 pages to get across 1 point!
NO POWER ( 1st half of Step 1 )
page 20 paragraph 5
Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.
page 20-21 paragraph 6
Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time.
If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health
falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
page 21 paragraph 2
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker;
page 21 paragraph 2
but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink
Sufficient reason isn’t enough.
page 23 paragraph 1, line 3.
Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind,
page 24, paragraph 1
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink
page 24, paragraph 1
Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent.
We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness That’s my mind
with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.
Page 34 paragraph 2
For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not.
Page 25….Paragraph 3
If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.
Page 52 paragraph 2 Line 3
We were having trouble with personal relationships,
we couldn't control our emotional natures,
we were a prey to misery and depression
we couldn't make a living,
we had a feeling of uselessness,
we were full of fear,
we were unhappy,
we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people
Page 36, 2 lines from the bottom.
He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Page 39 paragraph 1 line 5.
But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge
page 30 paragraph 2
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
Unlock key
I would encourage you to do, this is the same thing my sponsor had me do.
Go home and sit with me, my self and my soul, and ask myself this question.
Am I willing to concede to my inner most self that I have no power, and that I need a new manager?
Basically if I say, “Yes”, this is what I’m saying;
I’m saying, “Yes I had an abnormal reaction. Yes I did experience the phenomenon of craving. No sufficient reason was enough to keep me sober. I lost all control once I started to drink. And I have lost the power to choose weather I will or will not drink”.
So you see what’s most important is conceding to my self.
As long as I’m clinging to the idea that I have some power, some knowledge, some information, some memory that’s going to keep me sober, there’s no room for Step 2.
Thank you Paul F. for taking me through this vital Step 1 expirience.
Why?
Because if a doctor is not a real alcoholic as descibed in the BB of AA on the following pages, then how cam that doctor, as a human, understand the innner experience when we real alchys thake that first drink.
below is courtesy of Paul F from XA-Speakers.
Roman numeral 27, XXVII 4th edition
Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor,
Roman numeral 27 3rd edition Roman numeral 29 in 4th edition
They took a drink a day or so prior to the date,
and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests.
Roman numeral 26 XXVI 3rd edition
28,( XXVIII) paragraph 1. 4th editionWe believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy.
And never, never means, not one time, occurs in the average temperate drinker.
In one sentence Dr Silkworth tells me how to determine if I’m an alcoholic
bottom of that page, 2nd line from the bottom
They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity
In other words, I have to find something in sobriety to give me the same sense of ease and comfort that alcohol gave me.
xxix page 29 4th edition
“After they have succumbed to the desire again”
, the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink again.
This is repeated over and over and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
You know what psychic means?
It means mind
psychic change to change the way my mind think about alcohol.same page, go down to line 3, paragraph 3.
One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change
page 11, Paragraph 4
Had this power originated in him? . Obviously it had not.
That is the very essence of Step 1.
In other words the authors have spent half of the book on the instructions, 43 pages to get across 1 point!
NO POWER ( 1st half of Step 1 )
page 20 paragraph 5
Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.
page 20-21 paragraph 6
Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time.
If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health
falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
page 21 paragraph 2
But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker;
page 21 paragraph 2
but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink
Sufficient reason isn’t enough.
page 23 paragraph 1, line 3.
Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind,
page 24, paragraph 1
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink
page 24, paragraph 1
Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent.
We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness That’s my mind
with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.
Page 34 paragraph 2
For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not.
Page 25….Paragraph 3
If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.
Page 52 paragraph 2 Line 3
We were having trouble with personal relationships,
we couldn't control our emotional natures,
we were a prey to misery and depression
we couldn't make a living,
we had a feeling of uselessness,
we were full of fear,
we were unhappy,
we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people
Page 36, 2 lines from the bottom.
He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Page 39 paragraph 1 line 5.
But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge
page 30 paragraph 2
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
Unlock key
I would encourage you to do, this is the same thing my sponsor had me do.
Go home and sit with me, my self and my soul, and ask myself this question.
Am I willing to concede to my inner most self that I have no power, and that I need a new manager?
Basically if I say, “Yes”, this is what I’m saying;
I’m saying, “Yes I had an abnormal reaction. Yes I did experience the phenomenon of craving. No sufficient reason was enough to keep me sober. I lost all control once I started to drink. And I have lost the power to choose weather I will or will not drink”.
So you see what’s most important is conceding to my self.
As long as I’m clinging to the idea that I have some power, some knowledge, some information, some memory that’s going to keep me sober, there’s no room for Step 2.
Thank you Paul F. for taking me through this vital Step 1 expirience.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 2,464
Welcome
Street drugs is never a good thing. Maybe you have half way answered it by the subject...problem? Alot of good suggestions here - keep sharing and if you decide to quit - we recover together - one day at a time.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
If it's a problem 'sometimes' it may well become a problem more often. I'd go with your gut instinct and give sobriety a good try. It's fixed a lot of problems in my life, for sure.
It's fixed a lot of problems in my life, for sure. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 13
thank you
Thank you for all your replies. To tell you the truth I know the answer and it is just not to drink. I know if I dont drink I wont have any of these problems I had mentioned. The only issue i have is I want to be able to go out and socialize. I am 30 yrs old and trully have a desire to find the right person and start a family. I know it sounds corny but i really want that. I work very long hours and where im living now there is very little to do socially but go to bars and staying in my house or in the office I will not meet much people. Nevertheless, i have no interest in drinking right now and will not have any drinks today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
NLB, glad you are here and know in yourself what you need to do.
Look, I have a social life and am married. Neither of which came from a bar nor involve drinking.
For shites and giggles here......my 1st husband? Met him in a bar and it was way too many years of verbal/emotional abuse on his part so blessed was the day I was free of that hell. Just had to share that.
Alcohol isn't what life is about......join some clubs man get some hobbies. You will meet some real good people that way and most importantly be enjoying yourself in the mean time.
Keep it going!
Look, I have a social life and am married. Neither of which came from a bar nor involve drinking.
For shites and giggles here......my 1st husband? Met him in a bar and it was way too many years of verbal/emotional abuse on his part so blessed was the day I was free of that hell. Just had to share that.
Alcohol isn't what life is about......join some clubs man get some hobbies. You will meet some real good people that way and most importantly be enjoying yourself in the mean time.
Keep it going!
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