Hitekredneck

I know the rules are not to ask for advice in this forum, so I will ask for your experiences and what you thought went well and if would do something different what would that be.

my first weekend sober went well, ended with a struggle, but a successful one!
what I'm really struggling with is explaining this struggle, this journey, this horribly terrifying decision to be sober, to my wife and to my immediate family. they all see that I drink to much, have told me to cut back etc. I've agreed so many times, did the cutting back thing, but it just crept back up.

So I know I am a person that can't control alcohol, I know that I am an alcoholic but I'm an alcoholic in recovery. I actually smile when I say that now. The last time I tried this I was too self conscious to really say that or accept that.

I want to tell them that I realize this about myself - that I don't know what this will take but I do know that this is a life long committment. -- that's the easy part.

the difficult part is putting it in terms that shows them how freakin scared I am at times. how I know it's "a day at a time" but I am having some serious 'holy ****' moments in my head. My family is all about appereances we don't have "chinks in the armor" or "skeletons in the closet" ((yeah RIGHT)) that's adding to this anxiety.

I don't know if I should say anything at all - or just keep this to myself and all of you..... .

>deflated.

ronf

Mornin, It's always a tough call to decide who to tell and who not to. I would try just staying sober for now and not saying anything. They WILL see a different you and sooner or later someone will say something about it. At that point in time say only what you feel you need too to answer there questions. The difference in you will give credibility to your answers, but keep in mind this can be kinda scary for the people around us. Tell them what they want to know when they want to know it.

Just my 2 cents, hope it helps, Ron

Jabbadabutt

If you are accepting of the fact that you can not have alcohol in your life....you need more support and a better plan that just 'not drinking'. It helps to have someone in your life (someone you see everyday) who knows what you are going through and your plan but you need to trust that person and trust them to help whether you ask for it or not. It is not their job to be the sober police (that is your job) but I feel it help a whole lot when you need to answer to someone about your sobriety (a love one, a counselor, AA group, etc). You may need to shout it from the mountaintops, but IMO, it helps to not be alone and it helps to talk about it one on one with someone who truly loves you and want s to see you healthy.

Anna

By all means you can ask for advice on this forum, just not medical advice.

It's really hard for others to understand how difficult this is for us. I really wanted my family to 'get it' and they didn't want to, so I really had to learn patience. I decided to keep my recovery private and that's what felt right for me. I do find that coming here is a godsend.

Hitekredneck

I've reflected on this throughout the day and I think my game plan will be to educate as necessary. Put another, let those actions of not accepting a drink - and at that time say that I am in recovery. Let the shock take place right in front of me. I'm not going to say -
"taking a break"
"had a rough night last night, taking it easy today"
"i'm good for now"
"no thanks I'm driving tonight"
"it's her turn to drink"
Or make any more excuses and passes for not taking a drink. I need to let folks know that I accept that I have a problem with alcohol and that I can't handle it - period.

I'm in recovery. I always will be, and damnit I'm proud to be here.

WOW that felt great!!!!

silly

Awesome, Hitekredneck!
I doubt your family will react negatively. How could they when they've asked you to cut back and/or noticed that you drink too much. The hard part will be for you to understand that they really can't understand exactly what it means to be an alcoholic. Only another alcoholic or addict can truly know what it feels like and what it means for your life. You'll need to be patient. If you choose to go to AA, you may be questioned why you "need" to go so often. If you choose to stay away from parties, bars or restaurants, you may be questioned as to why you can't just go and not drink. There will not be an understanding of how painful it could be for you. How dangerous.

My very best wishes to you and to your family!

Dee74

I told everyone - damn nearly took an ad out in the paper I was so relieved to be free of the burden lol - but I think now, a few years down the track, I see I did that for me without really considering the effect on others.

I think people in close family should know - but then I share everything with my partner, and she'd work it anyway even if I didn't

I think Anna's right - you can tell people all you like but don't expect that will equate with understanding because, sadly, sometimes it doesn't.

D

Hitekredneck

@silly - I just got done reading your post and all replies talking about your situation with your spouse, how ironic that I come over to my post and see your reply. That really drives home exactly what you just said. We understand one another, we know how crazy it gets for us.

the first time i tried sobriety I was expecting the hollywood moment, the outpouring of sympathy from my mom, the pat on the back from my dad for being proud. the understanding from my brothers and wife. etc

this time around I'm much smarter, much more desperate as well, but I know this isn't about them, it's about me. I want them to be proud, and I think they will be - but if they're not - well I know you all will. I know I'll be doing the right thing.

<reflective.

Jabbadabutt

Getting sober may be the most selfish thing you do. And that is okay.

silly

Everytime I think about that, it scares the hell out of me because I know it's true. I have to be so selfish and I have to let it be okay.

But then I have to understand the same thing about everyone around me, like my partner. To get through this, they might also have to do the most selfish things they'll ever do. And that has to be okay, too.

Reset

Day 43 here and I still haven't told my wife or anyone else in my family. It would just complicate things and I'm not ready to go there yet.

They've noticed though.

Supercrew

At a point about 3 years ago I had a similar dilemma. The only one who really noticed my drinking as a major problem was my wife, and I had some inkling, but I wasn't ready to admit that I could no longer drink. Well I was able to be alone with my parents and my brother and we were all drinking pretty heavily, and I told them all that I had an issues with alcohol, and I thought I was an alcoholic, and I needed some help.

Well my Dad told me I was not an alcoholic, and I just needed to moderate better, and the following day my brother almost dared me to have a beer after I said I was not drinking. So proclaiming my issue to my family didn't go as planned.

Fast forward to late Dec 2010, and I was going through a real bad withdrawal to the point I needed to call 911, and I called my Dad. He showed up about 10 minutes before the ambulance, and saw what I was going though, and now I have his unconditional support, and he told me I can never drink again, and he will be there if I ever need his help. Too bad it took a trip to the ER to get that point across. But I am better for it now, and have the support of everyone in my family.

Spawn

Others don't understand unless they themselves have alcoholism....all I can say is be honest to yourself "first" then be honest with others. If they don't get it that's okay...........that's why we have this forum and meetings.

marni

l went into a 28 day programe so all my family found out l am an alcoholic, (only my immediate family knew how much l was drinking)
l have had nothing but 100% support from everyone who knows l no longer drink alcohol, my family and friends just wanted to see me happy, healthy and living a productive life.
l have been selfish in my recovery and have not put myself in vulnerable situations, my regular support groups a priority without fail.
The way l see it l was a very selfish alcoholic and it was all about me and sobriety, particually early sobriety, needs to be the same.

LaFemme

I also come from a family where there are no skeletons in our closets nor chinks in the armour...lol.

I am single so I don't have a spouse to answer to. When I'm with my family they still offer me wine all the time...I say no thanks and that's the end of it. They don't question because they don't want to address their own issues and I really don't want to have to argue with them about why I don't drink at all while theater try to convince me to moderate.

I get my support here at SR and that's it.