NotSoSuper

Hello all, I'm new here and really hoping this will help me. I have been sober for only 3 days, but I'm really trying to quit. Its just difficult because everyone in my life drinks. That's what we all do. I try to think of things I can do instead of drinking but then i think "but damn it would be better if I chugged a few beers first." I'm trying so hard to get over that mentality! I feel like i am in a haze all of the time, even now. I do things and I forget that I do them, I feel like someone else is living this life and my body is just moving for them. I'm not aware of life. I am not present in the things I'm doing. Every tI'me I drink I feel guilty or stupid the next day. I've been going through some rough times lately and all I want to do is drink. It's getting to the point where I wake up and just want to drink a beer. I don't know how it got this out of control. Even my drinking buddies tell me that I have a problem for real. My big problem is that I don't know when to stop. I will drink all the alcohol until it is gone and then I want more. I wish I could just have a few drinks, be buzzed and enjoy the buzz. But I don't, I just want more and more. My tolerance is so high, I make bets with people that I can out drink them, it's like a game, and my friends know I can do it and of course I do. This is who I am, my whole reputation is "Oh damn she can drink, shes crazy, she can handle more than anybody". I have to say I like to hear that. I feel like top dog I guess, one of the guys. How do I change? What do I do? I want to wake up without a hangover and be aware of things, re decorate my room and things like that. But all I do is drink. I've been making a huge effort to cut back and be more responsible, and I did for a short while, but then all that goes to hell when I'm around people and everyone's looking to me to be the life of the party. Miss alchy takes over, that's my nickname. Sorry this post is so long, I just needed to get all of that out! Anyways I'm hoping that venting these thoughts here and reading posts from other people recovering will help me.

Dee74

Hi NotSoSuper

Sounds like you kinda wanna quit but you kinda don't too?

I was there - I was the drinker other hard drinkers would tell to stop before I hurt myself...I didn't though. I drank right til the end - I'm lucky to be here.

You don't have to follow me all the way down the road tho.

Stop now - you know it's the right choice....go see a Dr - ask about detox (it can be dangerous sometimes) & get yourself checked out in a general way.

Think about support - post here as much as you like, read around...and at least think about some face to face support too - whether it's a recovery group like AA or SMART or whatever, or something like counselling, support is vital, I think.

You'll find a lot of support here
Welcome to SR

D

AWOL

Hi NotSoSuper
Welcome to the board. You will find lots of support and friendly help here. I was in a carbon-copy situation to yours. Yes, I was also the life and soul of the party and the last man standing. I could also drink a platoon of veteran drinkers under the table and was proud of it. I also believed that if there were stripes for drinking ability, I'd be a brigadier. That was all meaningless ego stuff, and it camoflaged the reality that by being the biggest drinker at the party I was buying the winning ticket in the death raffle. When I ended up with feelings very similar to the ones you have mentioned, and life became a blur I went to see a doctor, who was unequivocal: if you don't stop, you're gonna die." So I must agree with Dee, don't go all the way down that road. There are plenty of resources out there to help, and they are literally life changing. If you want to change your life badly enough, you will.

Finally, do you really want to go through your wonderful, unique life as Miss Alkie?

Good luck.

Veritas1

Welcome to SR!

I hope you find support here.

Many of us have found a way out of that life of drinking.

What's your plan?

I go to Alcoholics Anonymous. You may want to look up AA in your area, and attend a meeting or two and meet some sober women to create a strong support system around you.

Like my sponsor told me..."If you want to be sober, you can be sober."

We can be sober regardless of anyone or anything.

I hope you are able to make the decision to change your life.

Best wishes to you.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, NotSoSuper, welcome to SR! This place really had helped me. Like you, I couldn't imagine anything being fun without a drink or 10. But it turns out everything is more fun—and my life is more peaceful.

Stick around and read a while. When I first arrived I came across this thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html, which gets into the biochemical processes that affect how certain people drink. Seems the same thing that makes some people able to drink a ton is the exact same thing that prevents us from stopping at one or two.

CarolD

I too was afraid to discover who I might be after I got sober

however my drinking was hideing the core of what was possible.
an interesting ....productive and joy filled future.
I had limited myself in favor of drinking a toxic liquid...

Hope you find your way...Welcome to SR....

Kjell

GREAT first step by coming on here and posting about it.

Do you think you're an alcoholic? That's usually a good place to start.

We can and do recover. I'm living proof and you can be too.

Recovery is hard, but it's oh so worth it. Life finally makes sense to me now and I don't have to drink over it. I'm free!

Kjell

least

Welcome to the family. You'll find a lot of support here.