New, scared, and confused
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 1
New, scared, and confused
Hi, I'm new here
I just celebrated my 25th birthday, and I haven't been more confused. Until this point, I've had much professional success, excellent performance in college and a promising carrier as an officer in the Navy.
I've recently been sent home early from deployment, not directly because of alcohol, but due to a nervous breakdown and an inability to cope with the stress. While I do not suffer a physiological dependence, that environment really brought out a lot of issues, and has forced me to face that alcohol has been a major factor in all the lows in my life. I have discovered that I established a pattern early on of using alcohol to cope when things went bad, but once I started drinking, I wouldn't/couldn't stop, often resulting in negative consequences. To deal with the consequences, I would cope with more drinking: resulting in a never-ending, increasingly-worse cycle. Now, although I am feeling low and disappointed, I think I have been given a precious chance and opportunity to really repair myself and move forward. I don't want to hurt the people I love anymore, and I don't want to lose the people that are currently important in my life.
I am afraid that my friends won't see me the same way. That they won't quite understand why I can't just "have one" or just go out one night. Yes I may be able to have one with dinner on one night, and then party without negative consequences, but how long is that going to last? Now that I've had some clarity I can see where that would lead. "Well nothing bad happened when I had one the other night, so I can have two!" "I haven't blacked out when I've been partying so I can keep doing this!" until there were negative consequences which I would probably find myself justifying until who knows how bad it would be. I don't want people to only focus on my problem with alcohol; I really hope that's not the most interesting thing about me! I don't want people to feel like I have to constantly be watched or saved, or that they can't act the same around me. I am in a new relationship, and he is really special to me, but it scares me that he will see this as too much emotional baggage or not want to deal with it. However, I'd hate it more if I lost him due to my continued drinking.
So here I am, absolutely confused but certain that I want to stop throwing away my potential, hurting people and myself, and ultimately make my life better. So where do I go from here?
I just celebrated my 25th birthday, and I haven't been more confused. Until this point, I've had much professional success, excellent performance in college and a promising carrier as an officer in the Navy.
I've recently been sent home early from deployment, not directly because of alcohol, but due to a nervous breakdown and an inability to cope with the stress. While I do not suffer a physiological dependence, that environment really brought out a lot of issues, and has forced me to face that alcohol has been a major factor in all the lows in my life. I have discovered that I established a pattern early on of using alcohol to cope when things went bad, but once I started drinking, I wouldn't/couldn't stop, often resulting in negative consequences. To deal with the consequences, I would cope with more drinking: resulting in a never-ending, increasingly-worse cycle. Now, although I am feeling low and disappointed, I think I have been given a precious chance and opportunity to really repair myself and move forward. I don't want to hurt the people I love anymore, and I don't want to lose the people that are currently important in my life.
I am afraid that my friends won't see me the same way. That they won't quite understand why I can't just "have one" or just go out one night. Yes I may be able to have one with dinner on one night, and then party without negative consequences, but how long is that going to last? Now that I've had some clarity I can see where that would lead. "Well nothing bad happened when I had one the other night, so I can have two!" "I haven't blacked out when I've been partying so I can keep doing this!" until there were negative consequences which I would probably find myself justifying until who knows how bad it would be. I don't want people to only focus on my problem with alcohol; I really hope that's not the most interesting thing about me! I don't want people to feel like I have to constantly be watched or saved, or that they can't act the same around me. I am in a new relationship, and he is really special to me, but it scares me that he will see this as too much emotional baggage or not want to deal with it. However, I'd hate it more if I lost him due to my continued drinking.
So here I am, absolutely confused but certain that I want to stop throwing away my potential, hurting people and myself, and ultimately make my life better. So where do I go from here?
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Glitterz - you've come to a great place. I can relate to everything you said- and your insight is correct: we always want just one more and justify it in every way possible.
We may have good intentions (like just drinking one or two), but inevitably the desire to drink will beat us down. I had a lot of anxiety and depression due to my drinking - it will definitely mess with your thoughts and emotions.
I'm glad you're here and want to get your life back. We're all behind you - if we can do it, you can too!
We may have good intentions (like just drinking one or two), but inevitably the desire to drink will beat us down. I had a lot of anxiety and depression due to my drinking - it will definitely mess with your thoughts and emotions.
I'm glad you're here and want to get your life back. We're all behind you - if we can do it, you can too!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,388
Hi glitterz
Welcome to SR
I spent years worrying about what my friends thought, how it looked etc - that kind of thinking helped keep me drinking for years than I should have.
Eventually my drinking got so bad I was a danger to myself - I had no choice but quit.
I was amazed at how not a big deal my not drinking was for 98% of the people I've met since I quit. It's just not an issue.
The other 2% were drinking buddies or people who drank heavily themselves.
You know whats right - and you know that drinking one or two is not only miserable it's spinning the roulette wheel...
My advice is go all out
D
Welcome to SR
I spent years worrying about what my friends thought, how it looked etc - that kind of thinking helped keep me drinking for years than I should have.
Eventually my drinking got so bad I was a danger to myself - I had no choice but quit.
I was amazed at how not a big deal my not drinking was for 98% of the people I've met since I quit. It's just not an issue.
The other 2% were drinking buddies or people who drank heavily themselves.
You know whats right - and you know that drinking one or two is not only miserable it's spinning the roulette wheel...
My advice is go all out
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Glitterz,
Welcome, and I'm glad that you recognize that you want to live a sober life.
I hope that you can make the changes in your life that will allow you to recover. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop.
Welcome, and I'm glad that you recognize that you want to live a sober life.
I hope that you can make the changes in your life that will allow you to recover. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Hi Glitterz..WELCOME! You may be surprized at how little it matters to others if you are not drinking. I think as long as they have their drinks they are content. The ones that do balk and give you a hard time are usually the ones that have issues with alcoholism themselves. I surrounded myself with hard core drinkers because that was what I was. When I realized that alcohol was affecting my health and well being..and decided to quit..several people dropped out of my life. I am ok with that. They were drinking buddies not close friends. Close friends won't leave you. I wish you well!
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Hi Glitterz,
Just wanted to say that for a 25-year old you seem to have figured out quite a bit about yourself and alcohol, which is all to the good. You can see how much worse things could get---some of us needed to be persuaded.
Also..I agree with those who posted that not drinking in social situations is much easier than you might imagine now. I wouldn't let that bog you down or keep you from acting.
Reading on SR and reaching out for support has helped me a lot---I highly recommend it.
Welcome, and keep posting!
D
Just wanted to say that for a 25-year old you seem to have figured out quite a bit about yourself and alcohol, which is all to the good. You can see how much worse things could get---some of us needed to be persuaded.
Also..I agree with those who posted that not drinking in social situations is much easier than you might imagine now. I wouldn't let that bog you down or keep you from acting.
Reading on SR and reaching out for support has helped me a lot---I highly recommend it.
Welcome, and keep posting!
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Welcome glitterz! I was in the USNR in the 1990s...went IRR when I moved to another state and rather miss it.
Anyhow, good for you and as Anna said alcoholism is a progressive disease and our relationship with alcohol changes for the worse as the years go by. You can count on that.
I've found that when I quit using/drinking, I didn't make a big deal out of it and for the most part people didn't notice or care. I just started saying "no thanks" and only told close friends and drinking buddies, who were supportive and cool with it.
Anyhow, good for you and as Anna said alcoholism is a progressive disease and our relationship with alcohol changes for the worse as the years go by. You can count on that.
I've found that when I quit using/drinking, I didn't make a big deal out of it and for the most part people didn't notice or care. I just started saying "no thanks" and only told close friends and drinking buddies, who were supportive and cool with it.
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