mesh12121

The thread about honestly made me drink...the only person who judges me is me....it's the only opinion i care about....i'm selfish,canyving,lying everything bad that has ever been said about anybody has been thought about me.......but i have had people describe me as the most honest person they've ever met? I'm in sales and i know i'm not that good!!! Kinda a backhanded compliment that i'll accept while drunk....but i resent it when sober....do i need to come clean for everything i've done? i want an answer to that from anybody.....frothjay seems to know how to navigate the steps in which i have chosen not to look at yet until i get admitted. I've yet to even know what i like in life....i've been drinking since i was 15....i don't know what way is up...help

mesh12121

What if i hate being a father when i'm sober? What if i hate being a husband when sober? What if i love hate when i'm sober? f*(k!!!

kiki5711

and what if you don't?

mesh12121

16 posts and waiting for a bed.....i need help.

gravity

You're right! This is insanity. I was freaking out badly when I first quit. As you go through your program, remember how this feels. Go all out with your recovery and you will never feel lke this again. BTW, I love being a father but I divorced my wife...who knows what sobriety holds for you?

Dee74

hey mesh

I had many of the same thoughts as you - the guys I listened to here told me I would not regret my decision. I had to take that on faith - I'm glad I did...they were right.

What sobriety did for me was strip back the layers I'd added over twenty years of drinking - and yes some of those were not nice layers - but I think I've gotten back to the real me I remember underneath.

You won't lose anything mesh - you'll gain - trust me.

Drinking just adds the same old fuel to the same old fire - you've been there enough to know there are no answers there.

like artsoul said yesterday - if you feel you can't wait for a bed any longer get to the ER or the Salvation Army....anything is better than nothing mesh.

D

SixStringZen

If sobriety isn't everything we promise, there's a double your misery back guarantee!

ReadyAndAble

Don't worry, you can always go back to being an active alcoholic if you decide you enjoyed that more. I have a feeling you won't want to, though. It's gonna be a radical, even painful change, but you're gonna be grateful you did it.

mesh12121

if they don't have a bed tomorrow i'll freak...if they do i'll freak.....you can delete this post but i dunno what the **** im going into!!! scared....yeah... i have 27 bucks in the bank.....i love money....oh btw. i am sorry about camping out here...i just want help.

joboo

Oh, man I'm right there with you. I've been having these same thoughts forever. It's crazy because I can look at another person and say "if only they did such and such their life would be great." You know, I wish I could do the same for myself. Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up. I'm projecting, but seriously, we're not bad people, we just got a bad card for this addiction. Hang in there. PM anyone cause you can't beat this crap alone.

Best,
Joe

Dee74

Stick around here as long as you want mesh
I know it's hard but try to relax - you're among friends here.

D

Anna

Mesh, I'm so glad you're here and hanging on.

I really do remember how scary it is. I think that I knew so little about myself. It was really taking a leap of faith to stop drinking.

It's so worth it!

reggiewayne

It's all good Mesh. Like I said, you need to get detoxed first, then I think these heavy things on your mind will just simply fall in place. Trust me on that. Just go get yourself detoxed, then start tackling some of these big issues. It's my opinion that when you get a week or two under your belt these issues will be a little quieter in your head.

I would just focus on your actions, not your thoughts. You know you want to go to treatment so do everything you can do to support that decision.

Hang in there!

Eddiebuckle

Mesh, I know exactly the feeling. I had talked it over with my gf that I needed to go into rehab right before Christmas 2009. Got an email from my sister back home about my itinerary for the holidays (I had planned to be home through NYE) - hit reply to all and told my entire family what I was up to. The second after I hit "send" I was convinced I had made a mistake. But it would've been a little hard to say it was a multi-sentence typo...

Hopefully there is a part of you that is excited by the possibility of actually waking up every day feeling good, and looking forward to what lies ahead. That is the part you need to stay in touch with while you are in limbo. That person and that future exists, but you have to stay the course to get there. Scary as all hell from where you stand tonight, but if you can stick this all the way through you won't regret it.

You can do this. You deserve this. Have faith...

mesh12121

i was excited 3 days ago when there was a bed....now i'm paranoid....oh btw ****!!!!

eddie73

Hi Mesh,

We do insanity rather well. The good thing is that we dont have to. I heard a fab saying last week at AA,

The good news is that you get your feelings back
The bad news is that you get your feelings back

I suppose running away from feelings with alcohol is the insanity that waits for us if we cant face it

Winer249er

Breathe dude....in......out.....repeat S*L*O*W*L*Y as often and possible.

It's gonna be ok. Don't be scared. Everyone is there to help you and don't let your illness try and deceive you.

Now breathe some more.

((hugs))