nodaybut2day

In my quest to figure out how to renew DD's passport without XAH's input, I contacted the passport office. I was told that if I am unable to find XAH and if he hasn't seen DD since x number of months, I need to provide a notarized letter attesting to this fact, along with his last known address and number.

So, there's a way around having to get in touch with the most chaotic person I've ever known...but it would involve lying on a notarized document. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I went online to see if XAH was easy to find or not. Turns out that the guy has a complete linkedin profile, with a lengthy (and mostly false) resume, detailing where he now works and what he does. So, he's obviously not unemployed right now...Can I just stop and say how frustrated I felt knowing that I was the one who cleaned this guy up, found him a job and helped him go "legit", and now here he is making up b.s. about his fictitious college education, his ridiculously false volunteer experience and his fake travels to various countries.

Now for what I did...I gathered every bit of information I had, including XAH's personal info, and sent it all to babymama #3. Here you go; enjoy. She had already told me that she's gearing up to go after him for the 10K he owes her so...I guess I armed her with lots of ammo.

Part of me feels bad, and part of me feels like he's got what's coming to him.

I'm evil.

Bolina

Not at all!!!!

Did you send it to the child support people too?

I found my ex on a dating site once. Actually, he found me in that he popped up on a search I did, despite the fact that I was not looking in his area at all. I still haven't figured that one out. Anyway, it was all BS, so I emailed the site and let them know he was not what he seemed and they took his profile down. Petty, yes. Satisfaction, guaranteed.

I understand that this is all part of the game etc etc and that it is healthier to not engage in any form. I have trained myself out of seeking the info out to discredit, because that would make me seem like a madwoman. If it falls into my lap......

Is there any way that you can get full parental responsibility and not have to go through all this rigmarole?

Thumper

:codiepolice

As far as the notarized form - do the right/legal thing - it earns you karma - the good kind

You are not evil

nodaybut2day

rofl you're awesome Bolina.

I *can* get a passport, since it is any citizen's right to have one, for identification purposes. I can attempt to contact him either by myself or via a lawyer, try to get him to sign. If he refuses, I can also write that notarized letter and state that he refuses. They'll still grand DD a passport. BUT obviously, I'm scared to death to contact him in any way, shape or form, so I don't think I'll do this...

Travel is another issue, as it would require my going before a court to prove that I don't plan to abduct DD, but it isn't pressing for me to get this permission.

As for getting full parental responsibility...I have heard that if I wait a certain number of years, and he continues not to pay c.s. or to see DD, I can file for abandonment. If it is granted, I will have sole legal discretion and then won't need his signature for anything.

This is why I won't send the info to my c.s. office, but I don't mind sending it to babymama #3. If he pays c.s., I cannot apply for abandonment.

Bolina

Heh, I never said I was perfect. I still don't know how he appeared on my search list, because there is no innocent explanation. Unless he was searching country-wide and so, more fool him.

How important is the passport? I hate all of this malarky around kids with abusive exs. I wish that courts were better set up to deal with it and cut all ties. I get that they are "child-centered" in the main, but what good does all of your experience do for a child?

Hang in there. You are a brilliant mom.

theuncertainty

If you have to use the last line, I really think that it should be "I'm evil. "

You didn't forward anything that babymama #3 couldn't have found for herself. If he's dumb enough to be hiding out and still put a full profile on linkedin, well then.... Speaking of, aren't there legal agencies here in the states looking for him.... Wait, maybe babymama #3 can forward the info to that crew...

I really want to be able to travel with DS too. My sister and her family are going to the Cook Islands this year and wanted to take us. I'm afraid to ask for changes to the visitation schedule and I'm afraid to just tell XAH that we want to go, which I think I could do since I have full legal custody, but... I'm afraid of rocking the boat, you know?

Hugs.

Summerpeach

All I have to say is "high five sister"

nodaybut2day

You guys are awesome