TakingCharge999

So yesterday I went out with a coworker. He is moving to another company ("THE company" in our industry) going to make 3 times what I do. And told me about past coworkers and how much $$ they are making.

I am the lesser paid from all the people I know.

Anyone feels their career has suffered due to their personal issues??

I am so mad at myself for "losing time" and not feeling so geek to live studying, nor being ambitious, nor feeling self worth to realize I deserve compensation for what I know. The friend told me I could do X or Y and perhaps seek similar opportunities but I feel dumb & unmotivated compared to him and the "succesful" gang..

Then I think these people do not have a history of abuse and the particular woman I compared myself to, has always had support from her family, a very steady & encouraging environment.

It is not fair to compare myself to anyone but sigh, I am so angry being caught up with XABF and all the other losers were a loss of time and the aftermaths after them has harmed my career. Its difficult to realize this.

BTW, we went to a bar, and it was super boring. He introduced me a friend of his, the girl is 21 and drank beer as if it were water. And smoked a lot. It made me sad.

Thanks for letting me share my uncomfortable feelings today

suki44883

I don't mean to sound harsh, but the only person who can improve your situation is you. First of all, co-workers should not gossip about what other people make. That is a hard and fast rule because it only causes resentments, which you are feeling now. If you feel you are worth more money, then approach HR and ask for more. If they aren't willing to increase your salary, then you can start looking for other work. You have been complaining about your place of employment for a long time now, so it's time to do something about it. There are other places to work. You can improve your situation, but you need to act and not just complain about it.

TakingCharge999

No problem suki. I am taking the first step already putting my limits and no longer working 24x7, without having a life, or more time for myself to think about these things/my own future. Before, I was too busy handling emergencies to think about my own path.

The thing is that I don't feel the ambition and I feel something is wrong with me for not making my job my #1 priority as others do.

Thanks for the reminder about it not being OK to gossip about coworkers.
Definitely resentment a topic for my next therapy!

Lately my feelings are: anger, jealousy, envy. This is no way to live.

gerryP

I've wondered before why you often mention how much alcohol someone can drink and how sad you feel for them, people you don't even know. Does that give you credibility because you are not a drinker? I just wonder why you seem to always zero in on alcohol consumption equating it with these people losing time and wasting their lives. Try focusing on how you can improve your work and personal life, otherwise you are spinning your wheels TG.

laurie6781

TC:

After I found recovery from alcoholism I returned to my 'field' of employment, but somehow, it just wasn't the same. I was almost always dissatisfied, really didn't have any ambition to continue, absolutely HATED the 'office politics, etc

So at 6 years sober and 41 years of age, I went back to school. Changed my field, was able to use a lot of my previous 'credits' to fill in the credits I needed and in 18 months became an RN. Now during those 18 months of LONG HOURS of study and school, I also worked at close to 'minimum wage' doing 'home care' of the 'housebound.

After getting my license, and by then having made some contacts with the local doctors, I started my own Home Health Care Business at 43 years old, taking care of the terminally ill and/or totally incapacitated. Until my health got the better of me, I had a thriving business, with 5 other nurses and 7 CNAs working for me.

That was the happiest, busiest, most fulfilling time of my life. I had finally found what i was not only good at, but ENJOYED doing.

It's not too late to either get more education for your field and go with a new company where there would be more possibilities for advancement, or go back to school and change your 'field of employment.'

Something else I learned over my working career, is that when employees start 'gossiping about others salaries they usually 'emblemish' what they or another is or was making to make themselves feel better.

Don't beat yourself up, please. Go read some of your early threads to see just how far you have come in these past 3+ years!!!!!!

You can be whatever you want to be, the problem is, first you have to figure out what you want to be, lol

You can do this, whatever this turns out to be!!!!!

Love and hugs,

brokenheartfool

It's also a personality issue. Priorities.
I too never made making money a priority. My relationships with SO's have always taken priority.
Whatever makes you happy! If relationships with SO's are more rewarding than making more money, go find a great guy!
Or...you could do both.

TakingCharge999

A very honest friend told me mockingly "you haven't even done that relationship thing alright, or you would already be married with someone with money"

I needed to hear your words Laurie! thanks for sharing your story. Maybe its also a codependent thing, to see other's definition of success and try to make it yours??

I have no idea about what I want. lol.

Getting out of home I ran across my therapist and she was great support, she almost made me cry, I am so glad I got someone who gets me and can help me sort things out.

For now I am just teary and need to processs these feelings of failure...

Thanks for the encouragement & support.

TakingCharge999

Something funny is that this particular person I got envious about, was a coworkers years ago, and we joined another company at the same time and used to be compared often by the team leads etc... she enjoyed the "race" and was way more into the field than I was... but it never bugged me.... it bugs me 3 years later! WTF (perhaps it also has to do that I've had many expenses and am in red numbers --- I imagine them saving for their BMWs as this coworker told me...)

Thumper

Who cares what others do. If you do not feel like making your job #1 priority then don't. Lots of people do not. I know people that could make way more money if their job was #1 but they have made choices to put other things first - and are happy for it!

Excellent point! This might actually be the perfect time TC. You are mature enough to make the most of any decision or changes, yet young enough to really do whatever you want to do.

Laurie - thank you for your post. Very inspirational. I feel like I'm kind of stuck with my job - but that is mostly because it isn't my #1 priority right now so I'll just keep on keep'n on for a little while.

TakingCharge999

Thank you Thumper. Many terms have to be refined in this recovery journey.. some are

need
love
friends
family
priorities
success
peace

I am making a plan to get an IT exam I have to do anyway regardless of my inner struggles. It helps to put the plan in paper. Trying not to be so stressed about it but also keep the studying pace. I bought a year-long calendar, it helps. I guess I never learned to be organized or plan anything!! that comes from my mom.... living in a cloud... but, I am not her...

And, I was thinking something I am good at and really enjoy is translation from English to Spanish. I sent an email to my dad as he took a translator's course online. I could do that. Not that I will get rich but perhaps I could get some extra cash $... OK my English is not perfect but I can understand it well.. I find mistakes in ads, TV subtitles, brochures...

Yes, action feels better than endless self defeating chatter in my mind.

Thanks for sharing your ESH! Especially the "H"..

TakingCharge999

I was also thinking about becoming a yoga instructor but unfortunately the courses are expensive, anyway a step forward would be for me to commit to daily practice (even if its 5 minutes) perhaps read about one different pose each day?? yoga motivates and interests me (and I get benefits as well)

Yes.. I am on the right track now... your encouragement is priceless and I appreciate it very much.

theuncertainty

I've found I don't have this ambition right now. I don't usually feel there's something wrong with me for that, but I do realize I need to sit down and figure out what I want to do 'when I grow up'.

My (younger) sister has become CFO for the company she works at, has been named one of the Top 40 Under 40, sits on various boards, still is actively involved in her kids academic careers and lives and aware of who they are, and so much more. As is my BIL who was nominated for Top 40 Under 40 also, and when my nephew was told, his first statement was, "Next it's Auntie's turn!" He's so sweet, but I don't have many years left under 40 and I still don't know what my passion is. For right now, I'm OK with that, I'll figure it out when I figure it out. (It helps that I just read all of the posts here. )

I'm kind of avoiding thinking about what I would post on Shellcrusher's thread "Set 1 massive Goal.." but I like reading every one else's posts.

Hugs, TC. You Rock! (You know that, right?)