I've had it,.....for way too long even!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Yakima, WA.
Posts: 30
I've had it,.....for way too long even!
My name is Alan and I AM an alcoholic!
I'm back after another 1-1/2 yrs. of suffering from my alcohol addiction. Been to a couple meetings in my now 3 days of sobriety and feeling, yet again, overwhelmed.
I'm amazed at the things I start thinking about that I never did while drinking!
Things like my health, how much damage I've done to myself, how much damage I've done to others, etc.
I keep reading and hearing that these things/thoughts/feelings are "normal" but it's all so Greek, so to speak, to me.
Why is it that I can preach till the cows come home, about how "nothing changes if nothing changes as well as recite the definition of insanity till I'm blue in the face, but have still remained in this stagnant state of being for Ohhhhh so long?
I just don't understand,............I don't understand self!
Confused I am, but wanting, needing and desperately seeking change!
Thanks.
I'm back after another 1-1/2 yrs. of suffering from my alcohol addiction. Been to a couple meetings in my now 3 days of sobriety and feeling, yet again, overwhelmed.
I'm amazed at the things I start thinking about that I never did while drinking!
Things like my health, how much damage I've done to myself, how much damage I've done to others, etc.
I keep reading and hearing that these things/thoughts/feelings are "normal" but it's all so Greek, so to speak, to me.
Why is it that I can preach till the cows come home, about how "nothing changes if nothing changes as well as recite the definition of insanity till I'm blue in the face, but have still remained in this stagnant state of being for Ohhhhh so long?
I just don't understand,............I don't understand self!
Confused I am, but wanting, needing and desperately seeking change!
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,902
Why is it that I can preach till the cows come home, about how "nothing changes if nothing changes as well as recite the definition of insanity till I'm blue in the face, but have still remained in this stagnant state of being for Ohhhhh so long?
I just don't understand,............I don't understand self!
This topic came up in an AA meeting I was at last night. A few long time AA members, with 15, 20 even 30+ years of sobriety all said basically the same thing. They keep coming to meetings on a regular basis because they still need to be reminded of how unmanageable there lives are when they drink alcohol. One guy, sober since the 1970's said that he is afraid that if he drinks one beer, he'll be off to the races and with his heart condition he won't live through it.
I just don't understand,............I don't understand self!
This topic came up in an AA meeting I was at last night. A few long time AA members, with 15, 20 even 30+ years of sobriety all said basically the same thing. They keep coming to meetings on a regular basis because they still need to be reminded of how unmanageable there lives are when they drink alcohol. One guy, sober since the 1970's said that he is afraid that if he drinks one beer, he'll be off to the races and with his heart condition he won't live through it.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by layemStr8r 
Why is it that I can preach till the cows come home, about how "nothing changes if nothing changes as well as recite the definition of insanity till I'm blue in the face, but have still remained in this stagnant state of being for Ohhhhh so long?
I just don't understand,............I don't understand self!
I just don't understand,............I don't understand self!
Hi and I'm glad you made it back.
Get a sponsor, work the steps, and get sober.
It worked for me, but I'm not special. It can work for you too.
Let us know if you need help getting started and keep posting.
You never have to drink again.
Kjell
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Welcome back Alan 
I agree with the guys here - I read a lot, I knew all the slogans - but in the end what worked for me was action... it is really demonstrably true to me that if I want change in my life, I actually have to change
D
I agree with the guys here - I read a lot, I knew all the slogans - but in the end what worked for me was action... it is really demonstrably true to me that if I want change in my life, I actually have to change
D
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Hi LayEm, welcome back. You can do it. And SR can help.
I see you're from Yakima, WA. That's where Raymond Carver grew up, right? One of the greatest short story writers of the 21st century, and he beat alcoholism to achieve that. I hope it's a nice token to carry, to think of him being in your town fifty years ago and all that he was able to overcome.
Glad you're back.
I see you're from Yakima, WA. That's where Raymond Carver grew up, right? One of the greatest short story writers of the 21st century, and he beat alcoholism to achieve that. I hope it's a nice token to carry, to think of him being in your town fifty years ago and all that he was able to overcome.
Glad you're back.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I agree that there is a difference between saying the words and taking action.
And, when I look back at my thinking during my drinking days, it was SO messed up. The disease of addiction really messes with our bodies, minds and souls.
And, when I look back at my thinking during my drinking days, it was SO messed up. The disease of addiction really messes with our bodies, minds and souls.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Yakima, WA.
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by AmericanGirl
Hi LayEm, welcome back. You can do it. And SR can help.
I see you're from Yakima, WA. That's where Raymond Carver grew up, right? One of the greatest short story writers of the 21st century, and he beat alcoholism to achieve that. I hope it's a nice token to carry, to think of him being in your town fifty years ago and all that he was able to overcome.
Glad you're back.
I see you're from Yakima, WA. That's where Raymond Carver grew up, right? One of the greatest short story writers of the 21st century, and he beat alcoholism to achieve that. I hope it's a nice token to carry, to think of him being in your town fifty years ago and all that he was able to overcome.
Glad you're back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Yakima, WA.
Posts: 30
Just got home from another meeting, bout 70+ people there!
Subject was "let go, let God"! I always feel like I've been to church after a meeting, enlightened, which of course I obviously have been afterward, but I guess stronger! I dunno, hard to put into words, but it's definitely positive!
Bought the "Big Book" too, the one with large print since I can't seem to see that well up close anymore. I figure I must be getting old, or I've drank myself near blind!
Regardless, I'm rambling now. Just wanted to check in and be checked!
Alan
Subject was "let go, let God"! I always feel like I've been to church after a meeting, enlightened, which of course I obviously have been afterward, but I guess stronger! I dunno, hard to put into words, but it's definitely positive!
Bought the "Big Book" too, the one with large print since I can't seem to see that well up close anymore. I figure I must be getting old, or I've drank myself near blind!
Regardless, I'm rambling now. Just wanted to check in and be checked!
Alan
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
I tried and failed over and over to stop drinking but finally had enough torture and put it down for good 14 months ago. My life has never been better. I hope you can quit for good this time. YOu never know when something truly awful will happen to you as a result of drinking.
Welcome back!
I hope you can quit for good this time. YOu never know when something truly awful will happen to you as a result of drinking.Welcome back!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Welcome back layem! I can relate to what you posted.
I'm very lucky that I'm not dead yet. Will have three weeks
tomorrow and while it hasn't been easy I'm so glad to come
out of the sea of alcohol (wine) and still be alive. Look
forward to hearing from you more on SR. It is a life saver
to me!
I'm very lucky that I'm not dead yet. Will have three weeks
tomorrow and while it hasn't been easy I'm so glad to come
out of the sea of alcohol (wine) and still be alive. Look
forward to hearing from you more on SR. It is a life saver
to me!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Welcome Layem.
I am glad you came back. Least is right. I had a close friend that had struggled for years trying to get and stay sober. Checked himself into rehab. He stayed sober for X amount of months. Started drinking ..got sober. The last time I talked to him was six months before he died. He had been drinking. Was going to do anything he could to get sober and stay sober AGAIN. I got an email at work from a mutual friend saying he had died. He died alone choking on his vomit. What a loss. There are other things that happened as well with other people all in a short amount of time. Made me realize that we don't get alot of chances to get and stay sober. Glad you are back!
I am glad you came back. Least is right. I had a close friend that had struggled for years trying to get and stay sober. Checked himself into rehab. He stayed sober for X amount of months. Started drinking ..got sober. The last time I talked to him was six months before he died. He had been drinking. Was going to do anything he could to get sober and stay sober AGAIN. I got an email at work from a mutual friend saying he had died. He died alone choking on his vomit. What a loss. There are other things that happened as well with other people all in a short amount of time. Made me realize that we don't get alot of chances to get and stay sober. Glad you are back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Yakima, WA.
Posts: 30
Good evening,
Had a really bad experience this eve. came home from working, went out to the shop and my 2 buddies were sitting there drinking their Vodka 7's which I generally handle pretty well. But tonight they had 2 24oz. cans of my favorite brew sitting there! I removed myself from the situation and promptly called my temp. sponsor!
So I guess I'm just patting myself on the back, but I swear God scuttled me outta there!
Thank you all for another sober day!
Had a really bad experience this eve. came home from working, went out to the shop and my 2 buddies were sitting there drinking their Vodka 7's which I generally handle pretty well. But tonight they had 2 24oz. cans of my favorite brew sitting there! I removed myself from the situation and promptly called my temp. sponsor!
So I guess I'm just patting myself on the back, but I swear God scuttled me outta there!
Thank you all for another sober day!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Nice job layem! Got to feel good because you were
able to get yourself out of a slippery situation and
stay sober.
I agree with CJ you really did overcome the beast
cuz that is what alcoholism really is!
able to get yourself out of a slippery situation and
stay sober.
I agree with CJ you really did overcome the beast
cuz that is what alcoholism really is!
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Hi! Now that you have that large print Big Book, like I do...
Find someone to take you through it that has recovered. Get a good sponsor that will take you through the book, together.
Remember the chapters are in order for a reason. Start at the beginning.
Get in the middle of AA. Surround yourself with sober members that will support you in your efforts. Call on them...and let them teach you, show you, stand with you.
Find someone to take you through it that has recovered. Get a good sponsor that will take you through the book, together.
Remember the chapters are in order for a reason. Start at the beginning.
Get in the middle of AA. Surround yourself with sober members that will support you in your efforts. Call on them...and let them teach you, show you, stand with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Yakima, WA.
Posts: 30
Wow!
I just went back and saw all my posts from a year and a half ago! Made me feel kinda bad, but good at the same time that ya'll kept em here. Like you knew I'd be back even! Go figure, ya'll know me better than I do.
So it's dinner time and off to a meeting at 7:00 tonight!
Great night to all.
Alan
I just went back and saw all my posts from a year and a half ago! Made me feel kinda bad, but good at the same time that ya'll kept em here. Like you knew I'd be back even! Go figure, ya'll know me better than I do.
So it's dinner time and off to a meeting at 7:00 tonight!
Great night to all.
Alan
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When I began my AA Step work....I felt a shift in preception
from often shakey sobreity into solid recovery...
All my best as you continue to move forward
from often shakey sobreity into solid recovery...
All my best as you continue to move forward
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