pennywistle

I have decided to just accept and not fight my beloved(s) disease anymore.
It's cathartic at the time, but in the end b******* about it does nothing but make me feel bad and keeps negative energy flowing. As much as they've pissed me off, hurt me, kept me up all night, made me a nervous wreck, and gave me a few more grey hairs than necessary, they really haven't done me wrong any worse than others, especially themselves because it's ultimately themselves who are suffering the most.
But most importantly, it's I that I need to focus on.
All I can do is pray and give them hope and wish them well. There's no use in kicking someone who is already down.

sailorjohn

I always thought that the path to acceptance was pretty much linear, what I've read, and my personal experience, it's definitely not.

Can be pretty convoluted at times, but I can see my future now, and it looks okay.

brokenheartfool

Acceptance to me, often feels more like defeat.
And defeat it is.
There's no controlling anybody else.
Maddening.

I think I'm finally figuring out the answer is to get selfish myself. To take care of me, that's necessary. I'm just not a selfish person, although in my fury I sure exhibited many behaviors that definitely appeared selfish. They were rebellious actions out of anger.
True selfishness, the kind I'm talking about, is more this "self-love" people are always tooting. Self-love just isn't my thing.
Something new to learn.
We can get so wrapped up in loving somebody else, that we stop loving ourselves, because they aren't meeting our needs. Logically, skewed as it is, we then believe that we don't deserve our needs met, and that we must not be deserving of love either.
Wrong, but it's how our minds operate.
To self-love, we have to combat that feeling we received from the alcoholic that we weren't deserving of truth, love, or our needs met.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Tuffgirl

Ahhhh...acceptance. My struggle. Compassion I get, but acceptance... I am still fighting acceptance of my reality for what it is today. I don't want this reality, darn it! I wanted a healthy marriage, not an alcohol fueled battleground! *stomps feet here*

But I am making myself do the actions that I know I need to do to accept today's reality. It doesn't feel good; it feels somehow disloyal and unsupportive of my husband that I am moving on and pursuing the things I need in my life. It finally dawned on me last night that I am more worried about the message I am sending him than I am paying attention to the messages HE is sending ME right now. I am still doing it - worrying all about HIM. Probably time for another Al-Anon meeting.

Thanks for the thread today - its been on my mind and hearing others struggle with it is good for me. This one's challenging!

LexieCat

Acceptance, to me, is the absence of delusion--recognizing things for what they really are, instead of how I would like them to be, or how I am afraid they are.

Acceptance is the single most powerful tool I have in my life's toolbox today. It served me when I was dealing with an alcoholic relationship, and it serves me in my own sobriety. Once I accept something, I can take actions that have some actual effect on my life. Maybe not actions that will change the person or situation I was resisting, but actions that will make MY life better, regardless of the person or situation I can't change.