I feel like shite...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
I feel like shite...
I fell off my codie wagon last week and now I feel like sh*t. I don't know what's going on with me. My A partner and I broke up 18 months ago and it's been a hell ride to get over him. I started feeling a lot better in myself, looking after myself, exercising etc and now I feel like I did about a month after we broke up. Shattered, tired and grieving. I'm too tired and depressed to analyse what's going on inside and I'm over doing everything. Maybe I need to get the meds out and start taking them....Has anyone gone through this, thinking they're finally getting it together and then falling flat on thei r face again? Thanks for letting me vent.....
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
First:
HALT applies?
Hungry
Angry/Sad
Lonely
Tired
My mind goes into overdrive with awful thoughts if these are not kept in check.
I'm not the best person to answer, I did most of my greiving within the relationship, and haven't looked back as far as that goes because in the end it was unrelentingly awful. But I do have periods of exhaustion and feeling rubbish about my life as it is now. If I let myself, I can make this about my relationship with ex: I get depressed that I don't think I am going to be in a position to buy a house to home my children: yes, this can be laid at the door of him not sobering up and the relationship ending or the fact that I overstretched to pick up the slack during his irresponsibility, but that doesn't help me really, I am unhappy about now, not the past, and if I am realistic and super-disciplined, I should be in a position to buy a house in 5 or 6 years time. I get unhappy that I am over-tired with no time to myself other than work or kids, and sometimes I think that I will never have the time to date let alone find a good partnership. Again, the same applies, I can allow this to be about the past and project that into the future, or I can analyse how I feel about being single now (which is mostly absolutely fine and my preference for now) and leave the future til when i get there.
I don't view these as part of my grieving of the relationship, (although I used to), I then viewed them as grieving the dream of the relationship I thought I should have had, and now I just view them as struggles I have with the now of life, unconnected to that period in time. This helps me to not struggle with them too much, as I can balance them against periods of great satisfaction and joy in "now" too, rather than think I am on a never-ending treadmill of overcoming damage from the past.
I don't know if that helps any, I had to go through the other stages first to get here, and I'm sure my way of dealing with them will change again.
I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed ((hugs))
HALT applies?
Hungry
Angry/Sad
Lonely
Tired
My mind goes into overdrive with awful thoughts if these are not kept in check.
I'm not the best person to answer, I did most of my greiving within the relationship, and haven't looked back as far as that goes because in the end it was unrelentingly awful. But I do have periods of exhaustion and feeling rubbish about my life as it is now. If I let myself, I can make this about my relationship with ex: I get depressed that I don't think I am going to be in a position to buy a house to home my children: yes, this can be laid at the door of him not sobering up and the relationship ending or the fact that I overstretched to pick up the slack during his irresponsibility, but that doesn't help me really, I am unhappy about now, not the past, and if I am realistic and super-disciplined, I should be in a position to buy a house in 5 or 6 years time. I get unhappy that I am over-tired with no time to myself other than work or kids, and sometimes I think that I will never have the time to date let alone find a good partnership. Again, the same applies, I can allow this to be about the past and project that into the future, or I can analyse how I feel about being single now (which is mostly absolutely fine and my preference for now) and leave the future til when i get there.
I don't view these as part of my grieving of the relationship, (although I used to), I then viewed them as grieving the dream of the relationship I thought I should have had, and now I just view them as struggles I have with the now of life, unconnected to that period in time. This helps me to not struggle with them too much, as I can balance them against periods of great satisfaction and joy in "now" too, rather than think I am on a never-ending treadmill of overcoming damage from the past.
I don't know if that helps any, I had to go through the other stages first to get here, and I'm sure my way of dealing with them will change again.
I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed ((hugs))
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think EVERYONE has setbacks in recovery. Even alcoholics who don't pick up a drink slide back into old behavior and ways of thinking. It's part of the process. We slide back, we plateau for awhile. What's most important is overall progress. You aren't the same person you were when you started out.
You're recognizing what's going on and taking steps to address it. Don't be too hard on yourself.
You're recognizing what's going on and taking steps to address it. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Setbacks are a natural part of getting better.
In my case, I try to think of them in a positive light. Right now, any setbacks I have are in a "safe" environment, because I'm still working to rebuild myself, and I am not out in the middle of the world trying to start another romantic relationship. I'm currently reconnecting with relatives and old friends; after that I'm going to get out there and make some new friends, but I'm not there yet where I feel comfortable with myself.
So right now, any setbacks I have are testing my boundaries and this new person I am discovering. They're making my boundaries stronger, and helping me dig out the conflict inside me that is still unresolved. I have all my issues all packed up in boxes and as each problem and setback arises it helps me unpack one, use what I want to use, let go of what I don't want anymore, and put the things I want to remember but move away from high on the shelf where they belong.
Then I go try to live my life until the next time I stub my toe on one of my unresolved boxes.
Right now it's safe, so I am glad that I keep stubbing my toe, because I am getting stronger and learning about myself. Later when I'm making new friends, and then way down the line if/when I get involved with someone again, I want to make sure all the boxes are unpacked so I don't go through this again.
In my case, I try to think of them in a positive light. Right now, any setbacks I have are in a "safe" environment, because I'm still working to rebuild myself, and I am not out in the middle of the world trying to start another romantic relationship. I'm currently reconnecting with relatives and old friends; after that I'm going to get out there and make some new friends, but I'm not there yet where I feel comfortable with myself.
So right now, any setbacks I have are testing my boundaries and this new person I am discovering. They're making my boundaries stronger, and helping me dig out the conflict inside me that is still unresolved. I have all my issues all packed up in boxes and as each problem and setback arises it helps me unpack one, use what I want to use, let go of what I don't want anymore, and put the things I want to remember but move away from high on the shelf where they belong.
Then I go try to live my life until the next time I stub my toe on one of my unresolved boxes.
Right now it's safe, so I am glad that I keep stubbing my toe, because I am getting stronger and learning about myself. Later when I'm making new friends, and then way down the line if/when I get involved with someone again, I want to make sure all the boxes are unpacked so I don't go through this again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
Originally Posted by Floss 
I fell off my codie wagon last week and now I feel like sh*t. I don't know what's going on with me. My A partner and I broke up 18 months ago and it's been a hell ride to get over him. I started feeling a lot better in myself, looking after myself, exercising etc and now I feel like I did about a month after we broke up. Shattered, tired and grieving. I'm too tired and depressed to analyse what's going on inside and I'm over doing everything. Maybe I need to get the meds out and start taking them....Has anyone gone through this, thinking they're finally getting it together and then falling flat on thei r face again? Thanks for letting me vent.....
Did you break no contact? Or start having more involved contact recently? There usually is something that is the catalyst for this.
I too have done this. Trying to bounce back once again this week, and doing alright. Last week I was in He!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Maybe I need to get the meds out and start taking them....
What kind of meds? (she asked warily)
antidepressants? or "dr feel good" meds?
Floss, I dont want you to feel like shite.
brings out the codie in me!
lol dont worry, i have a program.
Floss, i am sending you big hugs.
Dont make me come over there with my little dog!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Dont make me come over there with my little dog!
I can completely relate to it, Floss. Happens here more often than I would like to admit, and I'm afraid I tend to give every one here at SR a front row seat to see the melt-down. I don't always see it when I'm in the middle of it (OK, I usually don't), but from this side of a set-back, I'd agree that there are times that we just can't go forward without stepping back a bit to see where we need to go.
I hope you're feeling better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I'd agree that there are times that we just can't go forward without stepping back a bit to see where we need to go.
If at all possible (when you shake off the shite) try to look for the lesson.
Mine are usually that I dont control the universe.
It sucks, but its true.
Or, that I know everything. Pffft. I hope not, might as well be dead if there are no lessons.
Another one is I can handle anything. Dont push the universe on that one either.
Please feel better soon Floss.
uncertainty, hehehehe
i thought of the wizard of oz too, but thought i was too out there!
hahahahaha
now i know you are right there with me.
and we both know about where floss is.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Ah, Wicked, sometimes it's the O Z and sometimes its Wonderland...
Just heard this song come on, I think it's Anna Nalick ??? Breathe
and thought of dear Floss, Transformie, and Circle (and me, and Wicked, and Sherry, and.... well you get the picture 
) I forgot how much I love that song.
Just heard this song come on, I think it's Anna Nalick ??? Breathe
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
) I forgot how much I love that song.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Ah, guys, thanks for your replies...I've just logged in and am about to go into F&F chat, so hopefully I'll see some of you there. Then I'll come back here and reply some more ...Thanks for your hugs too...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
dear floss,
just wanted to send my support. Seems the change process is filled with movement forward and then back and then forward. I think I heard once that setbacks allow us to practice changing - to reinforce what we have learned and practice putting it in place.
Can't skip these lessons - learning is a process or it isn't learning.
Don' t be so hard on yourself. You are here aren't you? You found your way back and know what you have to work on now. It is ok.
Sending prayers and hugs.
just wanted to send my support. Seems the change process is filled with movement forward and then back and then forward. I think I heard once that setbacks allow us to practice changing - to reinforce what we have learned and practice putting it in place.
Can't skip these lessons - learning is a process or it isn't learning.
Don' t be so hard on yourself. You are here aren't you? You found your way back and know what you have to work on now. It is ok.
Sending prayers and hugs.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
When I have gotten stuck, or felt like I've fallen back, it has been helpful when I examined my thinking, and the ways I allow myself to think. I've found that most of my thoughts are automatic, and my thought processes deeply ingrained. I sometimes have to tell myself, "Stop thinking that," in order to feel better. It's like I've been re-training my brain. I also find that fish oil supplements help my thinking. (((hugs))) Floss. This too shall pass. Be good to yourself, and be patient with yourself. Do something fun with good friends to distract you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
JenT. Thankyou for your insight. And you know what? I really relate to what you're saying. It's not only that I'm missing and grieving my ex. I'm also grieving a life I never had; one I thought was possible with my rose coloured glasses on. I too am left taking up the slack, raising the babies, being overstretched. HALT is a big thing for me too, as when I'm tired, things always seem worse.
I understand the house thing too. I've had a house in the past. I'm renting now and wondering if I'll ever be able to provide that kind of security for my kids. All I can do, all any of us can do is live one day at a time. I'm okay with being single too. God help me if I even tried to get into a relationship now! Lol. Thanks for your reply. It put some things into perspective for me and helped look at separating the past from my present situation
LexieCat. You're right, I'm not the same person I used to be and I think that's a move in a positive direction...one step at at time...
Starcat, my process is definately helping me to dig out unresolved issues. It seems there's no let up at the moment though. But this too shall pass. Making new friends. Yes, I've thought about that as my friendships are definately changing. I wouldn't mind some f2f friends who are working on their recovery too.Thank God I've got my cyber recovery friends...ahh...
Brokenheartedfool, how did you guess? Yep, I broke no contact although I can't really go no contact as we have a child together. But yeah, I stepped over my own boundaries regarding contact, in a big way, without climbing down any chimneys or in through windows. I'm glad your week is better than last week...
Wicked, lol...the meds. I've got Effexor XR sitting in my cupboard. I've been prescribed 300mg per day.That's a pretty big dose. Anyway, I've been putting it off trying different ways to deal with my anxiety/depression...Your reply made me laugh! Just don't be throwing any water on me anytime soon...I may just melt. And yeah, I think I'm a bit out there too. It's probably a bit out there to laugh and yet empathise with the doctor who went feet first down the chimney (thanks L2L for that one...you know I love it but know I shouldn't, 'cause it could happen to any of us given an out of control codie moment. . I'm sure if my ex had a chimney, I would've thought of that as an option before recovery! God bless that poor woman's soul. She was sacrificied and her story will save many I'm sure!). I think I'm similar in that I have no control over a lot of areas in my life and that is depressing me. The workplace training I've been doing is at a standstill and there's nothing I can do about that. It's like pushing shite up hill. Laughing today helped me...pass the marshmellows...ooh, that's terrible, lol. Thanks for caring, and you and your little dog are welcome here anytime....
So, onto the Good Witch Glenda (Uncertainty), Yes, breathe. I tell myself that often. Just breathe....At least we can melt down here with people that understand! Now that makes me breathe a sigh of relief! I'm feeling a bit better thanks....
Kassie, ah, thanks. Laughing today really helped me. Mmm, interesting about setbacks allowing us to practise changing. I'll think on that one! Just knowing that we all go through this from time to time has helped me feel better 'cause I can be pretty hard on myself sometimes...
Hi L2L...the one who gave us the link to the doctor to whom I am forever grateful.... Today, I did something nice with friends. I got on the F&F chat with my cyber friends and had some good laughs. It certainly was a distraction in a positive way. ....So many of my thoughts are automatic! Thanks for that reminder. Maybe I need to start noticing them too and tell myself to stop when I find negative ones popping up and work on replacing them with positive thoughts/affirmations...Today when the negative comes creeping back in, I've been saying to myself "this too shall pass". I've got some fish oil capsules in the fridge..and hempseed oil (good for omega 3, 6 and9). Haven't taken it in a while...but will start again. Thanks L2L and thanks to everyone here...
You're all my ray of sunshine today! Thanks!
I understand the house thing too. I've had a house in the past. I'm renting now and wondering if I'll ever be able to provide that kind of security for my kids. All I can do, all any of us can do is live one day at a time. I'm okay with being single too. God help me if I even tried to get into a relationship now! Lol. Thanks for your reply. It put some things into perspective for me and helped look at separating the past from my present situation
LexieCat. You're right, I'm not the same person I used to be and I think that's a move in a positive direction...one step at at time...
Starcat, my process is definately helping me to dig out unresolved issues. It seems there's no let up at the moment though. But this too shall pass. Making new friends. Yes, I've thought about that as my friendships are definately changing. I wouldn't mind some f2f friends who are working on their recovery too.Thank God I've got my cyber recovery friends...ahh...
Brokenheartedfool, how did you guess? Yep, I broke no contact although I can't really go no contact as we have a child together. But yeah, I stepped over my own boundaries regarding contact, in a big way, without climbing down any chimneys or in through windows. I'm glad your week is better than last week...
Wicked, lol...the meds. I've got Effexor XR sitting in my cupboard. I've been prescribed 300mg per day.That's a pretty big dose. Anyway, I've been putting it off trying different ways to deal with my anxiety/depression...Your reply made me laugh! Just don't be throwing any water on me anytime soon...I may just melt. And yeah, I think I'm a bit out there too. It's probably a bit out there to laugh and yet empathise with the doctor who went feet first down the chimney (thanks L2L for that one...you know I love it but know I shouldn't, 'cause it could happen to any of us given an out of control codie moment. . I'm sure if my ex had a chimney, I would've thought of that as an option before recovery! God bless that poor woman's soul. She was sacrificied and her story will save many I'm sure!). I think I'm similar in that I have no control over a lot of areas in my life and that is depressing me. The workplace training I've been doing is at a standstill and there's nothing I can do about that. It's like pushing shite up hill. Laughing today helped me...pass the marshmellows...ooh, that's terrible, lol. Thanks for caring, and you and your little dog are welcome here anytime....
So, onto the Good Witch Glenda (Uncertainty), Yes, breathe. I tell myself that often. Just breathe....At least we can melt down here with people that understand! Now that makes me breathe a sigh of relief! I'm feeling a bit better thanks....
Kassie, ah, thanks. Laughing today really helped me. Mmm, interesting about setbacks allowing us to practise changing. I'll think on that one! Just knowing that we all go through this from time to time has helped me feel better 'cause I can be pretty hard on myself sometimes...
Hi L2L...the one who gave us the link to the doctor to whom I am forever grateful.... Today, I did something nice with friends. I got on the F&F chat with my cyber friends and had some good laughs. It certainly was a distraction in a positive way. ....So many of my thoughts are automatic! Thanks for that reminder. Maybe I need to start noticing them too and tell myself to stop when I find negative ones popping up and work on replacing them with positive thoughts/affirmations...Today when the negative comes creeping back in, I've been saying to myself "this too shall pass". I've got some fish oil capsules in the fridge..and hempseed oil (good for omega 3, 6 and9). Haven't taken it in a while...but will start again. Thanks L2L and thanks to everyone here...
You're all my ray of sunshine today! Thanks!
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