blackhorse

Does it make you nervous? or do you remain calm? Please share your views on sharing.

Our primary purpose is to help the still suffering alcoholic in and out of the rooms and this includes opening our mouths at meetings and carrying the message. For me the thought of 'sharing' at a meeting was just too much in the early days, i thought i'd never overcome the fear or have the courage to open my mouth, i believed i'd have to remain at the back of the room shy and just never share! We are all different and do it in our own time without pressure but we all seem to do it in the end!

Today i am grateful that i can face my fears and open my mouth in the rooms. I still get nervous but i pray for the fear to be removed and ask my higher power for the words, it always works and i'm never judged, the words just fall out. Coming to meetings to bring rather than take, come out of self and giving to others is such a good feeling, never thought i'd do it and it is very liberating.

For anyone feeling nervous about sharing here's a little message i'd like to carry,,,, Fear knocked at the door, faith answered, no one was there.

bananagrrrl

Hi Blackhorse!

For two and a half years I was absolutely terrified of sharing at meetings. I have issues with isolating and wanting to keep my feelings inside.

I have recently been sharing and sharing stuff I never thought I would be okay with sharing. I have to say that it really felt good getting things off of chest.

I am still fearful, but ask my HP to guide me and say what is in my heart.

Banana

FrothyJay

There's a commonly held belief that meetings are places where we are supposed to share our problems, when the sole purpose of an AA meeting (according to our founders) is the teaching and practice of the 12 steps.

I'm sure some will be surprised by this because the idea of "dumping our problems" at a meeting has become so pervasive. But AA meetings were never intended to be group therapy. When I'm talking about my problems in an AA meeting, I'm taking up valuable time that isn't being devoted to the solution to our disease.

I talk about my personal problems one on one with other people.

reggiewayne

I just have one rule in a meeting, I always share..... I ask for my HP to guide me and keep my mind more on sharing my expierience, strength, and hope rather than trying to impress people. My ego is a tough cookie. I have 35 years of bullshnit programmed into my head and now I'm trying to re-program it....

pattenat

Reggie my problem is not sharing my problem is the guilt and resentment associated with the things I did while drinking. I'm really looking forward to learning and practicing the steps. I cannot wait for the day that I can forgive myself and move forward with healing.

bananagrrrl

Frothy,

My HG has BB and SS meetings and also general discussion meetings. A topic recently at a GS meeting was relapsing - for newly sober and how you avoid relapsing from those with years of sobriety.

I was not referring to sharing "drunkalogs".

I find it interesting that you refer to yourself as "recovered".

stugotz

I think a large part of recovery is self esteem related. Sharing at meetings helps builds that. Just sayin...

Banana, I find it interesting that you find it interesting.......

reggiewayne

I found that release in step 4 and 5. Listing all the resentments I had, all the shame, and guilt. Looking at my part in those situations. What I found is, my part was actually less than I thought it was. I have a way of internalizing everything bad that happens as some fault or mis-step by me. I am, by a mile, more hard on me than anyone else is. I have learned to accept the fact that I can only do so much. Other peoples opinion of me is none of my business. I used to have to have everyone like me. I would figure out how to make that happen and morph myself into whatever I thought that was. I try so hard to not be that way today.

Best of luck to you. I hope you can feel the sense of release that I did when you do your step 4 and 5!!!

bananagrrrl

Maybe I over shared there. I believe that we are always "recovering".

I do not mean to offend anyone.

loveon2legs

I don't like sharing in groups at all...but...Iam trying to overcome it....it makes me very nervous..I think its a trust thing.. and also I like to keep my life so private...which we all know where that can lead...
At the CR group some of the ladies go on and on about things..with no regard to others and the time limit...can be frustrating at times...

bananagrrrl

Loveon2legs,

It is so awkward when people share for too long. (over 3 minutes at the meetings I go to) They are usually told "Thank you for sharing" when they run on for too long.

My longest share has been 1 1/2 - 2 minutes.

LexieCat

I felt bad the other night when our "opener" called on a new guy with about 30 seconds left to go in the meeting. After the new guy had gone on for at least 5 minutes, he was finally thanked and told we were out of time. It was too bad (I never blame new people for not knowing what's appropriate to share--no reason for them to know, and often they need to unload something), but fortunately a couple of people grabbed him after the meeting.

I often just listen at meetings. (I know, hard to believe when I post so much here), but I try not to raise my hand unless I have something truly relevant to say about the solution. Sometimes the topic just isn't something I have anything to contribute about at the moment. I always have to watch that isn't just my ego talking.

FrothyJay

Why?

FrothyJay

No offense taken. Your point of view is certainly more common than mine.

But I would point you to the AA textbook, which says that if we do the steps properly, we can be recovered. Over and over and over again. And since the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous takes its name from that textbook (not the other way around), I try to stick with what that book says.

CarolD

At first I sat in the back....never raised my hand...never came
early and left immediately.

Then it occured to me that I was not enjoying sobreity
I was missing the point of being there.

I went early...stayed late....sat near the front....and began
to share ..on topic ...cheerrfully giving back.

Still doing those positive things years later..
I too am an AA recovered alcoholic.
God and the AA Steps keep me on track.

FrothyJay

Regarding "recovered:"

From the AA Text book:

"We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."

If you had a choice to be recovering from a disease or recovered, wouldn't you choose recovered?

LexieCat

I think a lot of recovered people still use the term "recovering" because they are still growing spiritually. It's a matter of acknowledging that we must continue to maintain our spiritual condition to continue to be recovered.

My sponsor, for example, uses the term "recovering" but I know that she considers herself to have recovered--she is no longer obsessed with the desire to drink.

I refer to myself as "recovering" because I am still working the Steps the first time through.

Veritas1

The Big Book says "Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems."

joedris

A couple of things. When I think about sharing I recall Plato's observation that "Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something." I also think of the Promise that "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, our experience can benefit others." Take it from there and decide for yourself.

And recovering or recovered? AA's definition of itself includes the statement "...over 2,000,000 recovered alcoholics in the United States, Canada,..." Use whichever suits you. Just don't confuse recovered with cured.

recoverywfaith

Currently my shares have been any insight that has helped me to understand the steps...if I can help just one person - then maybe they won't have to struggle as long. This is something I rarely did before.