cb12

ugh. My A dad is coming over tomorrow. My heart sinks every time he calls or visits. He's just become repulsive to me. I don't want him near me, I don't want him calling me, I don't want anything to do with him. He doesn't remember things you've told him less than 9 hours earlier. His voice is all raspy from the alcohol, I suspect (I recently took a class about voice and voice disorders and if I remember correctly alcohol can cause raspy/hoarse voices). As long as he is in his addiction he will never be there for me. And that sucks.

Unfortunately, I don't feel there's much I can do about it. I'm living in a condo that he technically owns for really cheap rent. I feel that if I go no contact he's just going to become angry and I'll get screwed out of being able to live here (yes, he would do that), which is truly a blessing for me.

I just needed to get that out.

jamdls

Venting is good. Sorry you have to go through that. I couldn't stand the site, nor sound, nor thought of my father for over 30 yrs; he too was an alcoholic, he's now been sober over 20 yrs and in the last 3 yrs he's become my best friend and my biggest supporter in my own recovery. Things do sometimes get better.

Seren

I'm sorry, CB. Maybe some of the others here will have suggestions on ways in which you can be politely but conveniently busy? Sometimes, maybe, you could have other plans for yourself on the weekends (library, movie, taking a class.....).

Hope you can work your way into a better living arrangement soon!

Hugs, HG

cb12

Having him around on Saturday was just as frustrating as I expected it to be. He got to my house annoyed and probably drunk. I had given him a message from one of the construction workers and he "killed the messenger" so to speak. Gr. It was petty things that he would try to argue with me about. Any thing I said was just wrong in his eyes. Really, really frustrating. I should have just stopped talking to him. It's hard when it feels so rude (that's probably an excuse, yeah?)

Goldberry

"It was petty things that he would try to argue with me about. Any thing I said was just wrong in his eyes. Really, really frustrating."
I know just what you mean cb12. Sometimes when my husband has had his many beers ritual every night it can be so hard and frustrating to talk to him. Sometimes he tries to pick a fight like your dad, other times he talks up a storm about whatever we are watching, which is annoying. My Amom does the same thing when she's had too much to drink. Then there are the times when I just ask a question and he snaps an answer at me. I hate that and sometimes I get angry and ask what his problem is.... More often now the next day he isn't remembering what he said or what we talked about. I should know better when he gets in these drunk moods and not talk much to him at all. I am learning slowly to not engage in the A's toxic conversation but still get sucked in when I am not careful. I hate that too. Hang in there it does get easier to detach and get away from the insanity. I sometimes go play my guitar, go on the computer, take a walk, or read.

cb12

I was talking to a friend of mine and she phrased it in a way that caught my attention, "The longer you're apart from the him, the more irritated you are by him when he is around." That's very true. The longer that I am away from his disease and the toxic environment he creates around him, the less I can stand him.

As horrible as this sounds, this is good for me. It keeps me from falling back into my codependent habits. The more angry and irritated I am, the more bold I become and less likely to fall for his b***s***.

Seren

((cb12)) I really hope that you will be able to find a new living arrangement soon! Folks here have suggested very neutral responses like:

"Hmmm..."
"Really? How interesting."
"Well thank you for sharing your point of view"

followed by an immediate change of subject or change of location!!!

Hugs, HG