Sober 20 hours and 45 mins
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 3
Sober 20 hours and 45 mins
I'm new to this site, this is my first post, so forgive me if I'm in the wrong place...
I have hit my rock bottom; alcohol has controlled me for 12 years and finally caused me to lose the best thing that ever happened to me. I recently became engaged to a wonderful woman with a great son. While our personalities are polar opposites, our attraction to each other and our intense and passionate love has enabled us to both "accept" the other for the person they are, with only a few exceptions (work in progress). We both drink daily, although since I've built up such a high tolerance I would only get drunk a few times a week, generally before I go to bed (start drinking at 1:30 pm, go to bed around midnight).
Fast forward to a couple of days ago... I usually wake up around 3:45 am to go to work, as I have for almost 4 years. Sometimes I'll take a 30 - 45 min power nap since I do stay up later than I should spending time with my fiance. This particular day I found out I'm losing my job in about 2 months (contractor), and decided to pour it on a little thicker than usual... took a nap as I normally would, but unfortunately didn't wake up when she went to wake me. We fought, it got bad, she left, I lost it all. I don't even remember it as I never really woke up from my nap...
I've drank at least a few but mostly between 10 - 12 drinks a night. So here I am, alone, and acknowledgeing I have a problem that I can no longer ignore. My life is in shambles... I have a chance at getting her back, but only sober. I am an alcoholic, 23 hours sober. All comments/advice welcome - I cannot do this alone...
I have hit my rock bottom; alcohol has controlled me for 12 years and finally caused me to lose the best thing that ever happened to me. I recently became engaged to a wonderful woman with a great son. While our personalities are polar opposites, our attraction to each other and our intense and passionate love has enabled us to both "accept" the other for the person they are, with only a few exceptions (work in progress). We both drink daily, although since I've built up such a high tolerance I would only get drunk a few times a week, generally before I go to bed (start drinking at 1:30 pm, go to bed around midnight).
Fast forward to a couple of days ago... I usually wake up around 3:45 am to go to work, as I have for almost 4 years. Sometimes I'll take a 30 - 45 min power nap since I do stay up later than I should spending time with my fiance. This particular day I found out I'm losing my job in about 2 months (contractor), and decided to pour it on a little thicker than usual... took a nap as I normally would, but unfortunately didn't wake up when she went to wake me. We fought, it got bad, she left, I lost it all. I don't even remember it as I never really woke up from my nap...
I've drank at least a few but mostly between 10 - 12 drinks a night. So here I am, alone, and acknowledgeing I have a problem that I can no longer ignore. My life is in shambles... I have a chance at getting her back, but only sober. I am an alcoholic, 23 hours sober. All comments/advice welcome - I cannot do this alone...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Welcome to SR 
You'll find a lot of support here
If I have one piece of advice tho - do it for you.
Not for your wife or your son or your relationship or anything else.
Get in recovery for you and because of who you want to be.
D
You'll find a lot of support here
If I have one piece of advice tho - do it for you.
Not for your wife or your son or your relationship or anything else.
Get in recovery for you and because of who you want to be.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 59
Good luck, my friend....LOVING someone who's not loving you back at the moment is INCREDIBLY frightening....I know.
Keep a picture of her in your mind........THAT is what sobriety will give you....or at least thats what I am hoping.
In my prayers.
Keep a picture of her in your mind........THAT is what sobriety will give you....or at least thats what I am hoping.
In my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 66
Do you have any sort of faith? Having faith in something can help you a ton, it has for me. And Dee is completely right, if you don't do it for yourself... sigh, it won't work. I've lost many good women in my life and I tried to quit for them, but it never lasted because in my heart, I wasn't ready, you sound ready though. I'll pray for you.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
When I quit drinking, I did it mainly for my kids. Too much self-hatred at the time. But they were innocent and deserved a sober father.
I know that most people say that you have to quit drinking for yourself which I believe is true. My uncle (and spiritual advisor) helped me reconcile my feelings by telling me that everyone I love is a part of me and that by sobering up for my kids I was in fact sobering up for myself too.
Today I do stay sober for myself in that I have too much self respect to go through that hell again.
Things may or may not work out with this woman. But thats life. My marriage ended after two years of sobriety but I'm okay with it now (dating helps). If I would have started drinking after my marriage ended, God only knows what my life would be like today. No home? No job? Kids no longer in my life? I shudder to think...
I know that most people say that you have to quit drinking for yourself which I believe is true. My uncle (and spiritual advisor) helped me reconcile my feelings by telling me that everyone I love is a part of me and that by sobering up for my kids I was in fact sobering up for myself too.
Today I do stay sober for myself in that I have too much self respect to go through that hell again.
Things may or may not work out with this woman. But thats life. My marriage ended after two years of sobriety but I'm okay with it now (dating helps
). If I would have started drinking after my marriage ended, God only knows what my life would be like today. No home? No job? Kids no longer in my life? I shudder to think...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 3
I'm also thinking along the lines that "doing it for our future" is along the lines as doing it for me, although some will argue that point. I'm here for a reason... support. Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement.
If she chooses to move on and not reconcile, I have only myself to blame, but I'm not here to fix "us", I'm here to fix me, and to be better for her if I get that chance. If she says take a hike, I still desperately want this to end here. I need to be sober, and suprisingly guys, I want to be. Frightening is an accurate word, regardless...
If she chooses to move on and not reconcile, I have only myself to blame, but I'm not here to fix "us", I'm here to fix me, and to be better for her if I get that chance. If she says take a hike, I still desperately want this to end here. I need to be sober, and suprisingly guys, I want to be. Frightening is an accurate word, regardless...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Welcome. You are among people who know the pain you are in.
When I first decided to do something about my drinking, I believed that it was going to be about determination and discipline. I would commit myself to not drinking, no matter what.
Until I found out that I was powerless, and could not accomplish that.
You will get different perspectives on this. I encourage you to consider them all. But there are people who stay sober by building obstacles to drinking, and those who stay sober by removing obstacles to a power greater than themselves that can solve their problem.
When I first decided to do something about my drinking, I believed that it was going to be about determination and discipline. I would commit myself to not drinking, no matter what.
Until I found out that I was powerless, and could not accomplish that.
You will get different perspectives on this. I encourage you to consider them all. But there are people who stay sober by building obstacles to drinking, and those who stay sober by removing obstacles to a power greater than themselves that can solve their problem.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Hey A New Beginning.
As you close in on that 21st hour, I'll be thinking of you. You'll find power and support here. And when you wake up, maybe you could try telling yourself that you won't drink for the next hour. That's it. Not now, not in five minutes, not for this hour.
And then take strength in the fact that you did it, and do it again -- for one hour.
And while you're working on that hour, look back over the last day, that last day you didn't drink, the first sober day in years. Feel good about it. Let it empower you. Do that for a second day, taking each one as it comes, one sunrise topped by a sunset, and you'll be on your way.
Come back here. Post. Read. Learn. You'll find strength for the next hour, and the rest of the day.
As you close in on that 21st hour, I'll be thinking of you. You'll find power and support here. And when you wake up, maybe you could try telling yourself that you won't drink for the next hour. That's it. Not now, not in five minutes, not for this hour.
And then take strength in the fact that you did it, and do it again -- for one hour.
And while you're working on that hour, look back over the last day, that last day you didn't drink, the first sober day in years. Feel good about it. Let it empower you. Do that for a second day, taking each one as it comes, one sunrise topped by a sunset, and you'll be on your way.
Come back here. Post. Read. Learn. You'll find strength for the next hour, and the rest of the day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Good job on the 20 days. Drink lots of water. I learned to HATE alcohol for the power it once had over me. It has stolen years from me. It would have eventually killed me one way or another. Keeping that in mind..and SR support keeps me sober. Hope to hear more of your progress...you have come to the right place! Welcome..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Welcome to SR. You are definitely in the right place. I found this on my first day too—it's been an incredible source of insight and support for me.
I don't what tomorrow holds for me, but I know that if it's good, I'll enjoy it more now that I'm sober. And if it's bad, I'll handle that a lot better without alcohol, too.
I don't what tomorrow holds for me, but I know that if it's good, I'll enjoy it more now that I'm sober. And if it's bad, I'll handle that a lot better without alcohol, too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Welcome - You are in the right place. SR is fantastic
and available to you 24/7.
ReadyAndAble - I like what you posted. I have been
living that these last two weeks as I have been
maintaining my sobriety. Thanks.
and available to you 24/7.
ReadyAndAble - I like what you posted. I have been
living that these last two weeks as I have been
maintaining my sobriety. Thanks.
Brave Heart
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 35
You know...she'll probably be back in touch with you at some point. If she was your fiance, it means she loves you....and it takes more than one fight usually to end that kind of relationship.
The question is - if she does come back....what kind of man do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want to be if she doesn't come back?
The answer is probably the same.
That old line about today being the first day of the rest of your life is so true for an alcoholic who quits drinking. Make each day count now.
The question is - if she does come back....what kind of man do you want to be?
What kind of man do you want to be if she doesn't come back?
The answer is probably the same.
That old line about today being the first day of the rest of your life is so true for an alcoholic who quits drinking. Make each day count now.
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