Relapse at 23 yes clean & sober, now have 60+ days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Denver, colorado
Posts: 16
Relapse at 23 yes clean & sober, now have 60+ days
Relapse occurred long before I took the first drink, beginning with ski injury, subsequent multiple surgeries, and still took many years before I actually used/drank.
It sucks. Glad to be back but sad the disease got me again-took control of me. Need to hear from others who relapsed after long term sobriety.
It sucks. Glad to be back but sad the disease got me again-took control of me. Need to hear from others who relapsed after long term sobriety.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Four years ago I threw away twenty years sober by drinking a glass of wine in the afternoon to 'relax'. I never gave it a second thought that I'd already been down that bumpy road before...
But glad to say I'm almost 14 months sober now and going strong.
Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere.
But glad to say I'm almost 14 months sober now and going strong.
Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Thanks for the post. I know it sucks to relapse (I did myself after a mere 5+ years) but your honesty in telling your story is a good reminder to the rest of us not to let our guard down. I'm glad you got 60 days in, keep that going. When I relapsed, I got back on the waggon and then fell off a few more times.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Sober time is emphasized far too much.
A relapse can be a gift if gives you the last piece of evidence you need to surrender.
Someone who was abstinent 10 years and relapses can have far stronger sobriety on Day 2 then they ever did before.
Time sober does not equal recovery. Spiritual growth equals recovery.
A relapse can be a gift if gives you the last piece of evidence you need to surrender.
Someone who was abstinent 10 years and relapses can have far stronger sobriety on Day 2 then they ever did before.
Time sober does not equal recovery. Spiritual growth equals recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Denver, colorado
Posts: 16
Thanks to each of you, for your replies mean so much. Love your avatar, Least! That's how I feel. So right on frothy jay - I need to remember that every day. It isn't time. Recovery is spiritual growth and I evidently needed this lesson to get willing to enlarge my spiritual life. We do put such an emphasis on time in AA. But who cares. I'm on the path today - I'm surrendered today and very grateful to be finding some conscious contact one minute at a time.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Its good to remember that this disease is alive and well no matter if you have 20 years, months, weeks, or days. It really is just one day at a time. I have heard around the rooms that sometimes someone with many years is actually closer to their next drink than the newcomer, because we have a built in forgetter. The scary part is we start up right where we left off at least that has been my experience. Welcome back
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Recovery means solving the drink problem. The AA program promises a solution to our alcoholism, and that means being placed in a position of neutrality where our disease is no longer alive and well.
This does not mean "cured." It means we've been placed in a position of neutrality and no longer crave alcohol and drugs, and as long as we enlarge our spiritual life, we will remain safe.
This is not what I heard in AA until recently, when I changed the meetings I went to. And this promise-- that I did not have to grind it out each day against the urge to drink-- was huge for me.
I did not want to be an old timer saying that I thought about drinking today. I simply won't survive if I have to not drink one day at a time and fight pitched battles against cravings. History has shown, I will lose.
This does not mean "cured." It means we've been placed in a position of neutrality and no longer crave alcohol and drugs, and as long as we enlarge our spiritual life, we will remain safe.
This is not what I heard in AA until recently, when I changed the meetings I went to. And this promise-- that I did not have to grind it out each day against the urge to drink-- was huge for me.
I did not want to be an old timer saying that I thought about drinking today. I simply won't survive if I have to not drink one day at a time and fight pitched battles against cravings. History has shown, I will lose.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Glad you're back among the living--not everyone gets another chance!
I know plenty of people with solid sobriety who had a previous relapse after many years. It was their wakeup call that really gave them the solid proof that they needed.
WB hugs,
I know plenty of people with solid sobriety who had a previous relapse after many years. It was their wakeup call that really gave them the solid proof that they needed.
WB hugs,
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
Good for you in coming back. Coming in new and sticking seems harder for people who had some time than for most newcomers. Keep close observation on your feet.
Is your old sponsor still around or will you get a new one? For obvious reasons get one with more time than you had, one who knows how to get further in sobriety than you did, and who has experience successfully dealing with the stages a lot of us commonly go through in later sobriety.
Is your old sponsor still around or will you get a new one? For obvious reasons get one with more time than you had, one who knows how to get further in sobriety than you did, and who has experience successfully dealing with the stages a lot of us commonly go through in later sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Denver, colorado
Posts: 16
Cabledude - thanks. It's been confusing getting a sponsor. First, I had a lady who wanted me to only write about alcohol for step one, saying she can't identify with drug addiction and saying I should go to NA for that part of my step one !!! :0
I know I'm powerless over ALL drugs, including alcohol and I'm an alcoholic, so had to move on. Next sponsor is wonderful older woman with very poor health who skipped over first few steps and kept telling me I'm the smartest person she's met in AA, she hates God, and men, as well. Maybe her way of sponsoring, but I'd rather just be her friend. Now I have a woman with 25 years who doesn't like word sponsor cuz of power differential, but wants to work the steps together. I do like what she has so far.
Ran into lady with 34 years who has major resentment going against other AA women and seems to have forgotten that "we are not saints."
Should I laugh or cry?
Please tell me more about stages of later sobriety?
I know I'm powerless over ALL drugs, including alcohol and I'm an alcoholic, so had to move on. Next sponsor is wonderful older woman with very poor health who skipped over first few steps and kept telling me I'm the smartest person she's met in AA, she hates God, and men, as well. Maybe her way of sponsoring, but I'd rather just be her friend. Now I have a woman with 25 years who doesn't like word sponsor cuz of power differential, but wants to work the steps together. I do like what she has so far.
Ran into lady with 34 years who has major resentment going against other AA women and seems to have forgotten that "we are not saints."
Should I laugh or cry?
Please tell me more about stages of later sobriety?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
Never heard of anyone holding the customary new woman resentment towards other women for over 5 yrs. Usually after that they become sainted angels in a way that men cannot possibly understand... 34yrs is...I don't know, weird.
Often in our 11th and 20th year people who don't understand better believe they are magically granted some slack on their old drinking behaviors and screw up their lives pretty well, and we lose some. The 11th year can be one in which the mistaken figure they made the amazing 10yr mark and get full of themselves, quit doing what's worked well because they secretly know they are cured, wind up getting very drunk and are greatly suprised.
Sounds like you found a winner in the 25yr lady-congrats!
34yrs is...I don't know, weird.Often in our 11th and 20th year people who don't understand better believe they are magically granted some slack on their old drinking behaviors and screw up their lives pretty well, and we lose some. The 11th year can be one in which the mistaken figure they made the amazing 10yr mark and get full of themselves, quit doing what's worked well because they secretly know they are cured, wind up getting very drunk and are greatly suprised.
Sounds like you found a winner in the 25yr lady-congrats!
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Hi Starryknight,
I had 19 years clean and relpased with the drug I thought wasn't a drug, alcohol, took me on a nightmare ride for 11 years lost all my money, house business friends family and had a small stroke (TIA). Have been clean now for 5 years and 9 months, I go to NA and work the program daily.
I am grateful each and every day to be clean, to have the life I do and to accept myself exactly as I am and others as they are and life as it is.
Glad you found us, a mate of mine tells me that 'everything is already ok' , look forward to seeing more of you
Kevin
I had 19 years clean and relpased with the drug I thought wasn't a drug, alcohol, took me on a nightmare ride for 11 years lost all my money, house business friends family and had a small stroke (TIA). Have been clean now for 5 years and 9 months, I go to NA and work the program daily.
I am grateful each and every day to be clean, to have the life I do and to accept myself exactly as I am and others as they are and life as it is.
Glad you found us, a mate of mine tells me that 'everything is already ok' , look forward to seeing more of you
Kevin
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