Zube

My name is Bryan, and I'm an Alcoholic...

76 days sober. Went to AA since day 1. Not doing the 90/90 but make at least 3-4 meeting a week. On day 2 talked with somebody about how to find a sponsor and was advised to give it about a month a so before asking somebody. I've been told "you'll know who should be your sponsor, it'll just click" etc, etc. The few people that I've had in mind I've come to find out have not had enough "contiuous sobriety" to have a sponsee.

I've been reading the big book and the 12 and 12 everyday, and find myself suck at step 4. I think that this is where I need the help of a sponsor...

I have recently started practicing the first part of the serenity prayer in day to day life "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change", and have found serenity, somewhat...at least more serenity than alcohol brought. I need to learn how to practice part two of the prayer "courage to change the things I can" i.e. find a sponsor and a home group.

Haven't had that "It'll just click" moment of clarity in finding a sponsor yet.

I have included asking for God's guidance in help with this in my prayers.

Any suggestions?

Thanks...
Zube

sober since Novenber 21st, 2010

dairo

I had the same problem. I don't know about the whole it'll click moment. I'm guessing you are trying to find someone who relates closely to how you were like in your days with the almighty bottle, that's how I approached it, but that doesn't matter, really. I just went and found the most arrogant, closed minded person I could find, with a long sobriety date, and that man changed my life around, it was a miracle.

Find someone who isn't gonna baby you, find someone who will bust your chaps and make you do this program the right way, and when you look back, you will thank me.

ronf

Zube, We all have meetings we like better than others, they just seem to have the right attitude. Next time your at a meeting where your particularly comfortable announce to the group that your kinda stuck on 4 and feel it's time for you to get a sponser. Don't expect an immediate response. More than likely some one will approach you after the meeting. If not try it at the next meeting. Don't take it personal if nobody jumps up. In my case I already have 3 sponsees, that's enough for me.

Good luck, Ron

joedris

You're not going to find a sponsor by waiting for something to "click". Listen to what people say at meetings, look at the people you admire for their approach to sobriety. In other words, look for someone who seems to know what they're talking about; people others listen to. That's who you want. When you find one, ask them. And don't get discouraged if someone says no. Like ronf indicated, they may be have enough on their plate. So just keep asking. You'll find one.

CarolD

You do have replies on your other thread in our
Alcoholism 12 step Support Forum...

Forward we go...side by side

1_day@_a_time

http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

FrothyJay

My first sponsor asked me to call him every day, got annoyed when I didn't, berated me for not going to meetings, and never guided me through the steps. The extent of his advice was "Don't drink and go to meetings."

I wound up drunk.

My current sponsor absolutely refuses to listen to my problems. He would not have a cup of coffee with me until I'd done my fifth step. Why? He wanted me focused on recovery, not using him as a sounding board for every last whiny complaint I had about my life.

A sponsor should be someone who has had an experience with the steps, is practicing 10, 11 and 12 daily, and is willing to show you how to have your own experience. It's important to ask that question, because you will get a lot of people saying they "know" the steps when they haven't had an experience with them.

I strongly encourage you not to do the steps on your own.

Zube

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Well, I asked somebody on Saturday that I felt comfortable with (with 24 years of sobriety) for sponsorship, and he said that he had just recently take on a sponsee, but could help out as a temporary sponsor and gave me his number.

He did give me good advice and said that if I'm stuck on step 4, I need to go back and work step 3. I found after reading step 3, and the topic of the Sunday meeting was step 2, that I may have taken both of these steps for granted, and really didn't "work" them.

I also called for some advice from one of the friends that I had made in the program who admits to not having enough sobriety to sponsor somebody (he says that he will not even consider being a sponsor until after 5 years sober) on a few other guys in the program who he feels after getting to know me over the past few months might be a good fit for sponsorship.

I'll keep asking God for guidance on this one, and listen to any help from the groups as well as this forum.

Thanks,
Zube
79 days sober...
sober for today...

Anna

Good for you for moving forward with your recovery.

I hope you find a sponsor who works out well for you, and you know there is also lots of support here.

1_day@_a_time

Suggest: it says in Chapter 5, How It Works, "these are the Steps we took.....".

When I TAKE the steps in my life, I learn how to APPLY them in my life, as a WAY OF LIFE.

It is the application of the steps, so I can have a spiritual awakening that allows me to change.

I am not aware where it refers to "working" the steps....besides who really wants to work?

Reading the steps, aquiring "head knowledge " does me little to no good to help me change and live happily and usefully whole in the moment I am in.

Good advice re going back.....if I am having trouble with a Step it is because I did not adequately apply the Steps prior to it.

And as suggested already, a sponsor is utilized to take me through the Steps, not alone. Newly sober, what clue might I have?

The length of time has nothing to due with sponsorship, but if the sponsor has had a spiritual awakening as the RESULT of the Steps.

Plently with shorter lengths of time have quality recovery....while others with many years do not.

over50

There's a book I read recently... " Undrunk, A Skeptic's Guide to AA " by A J Adams. The book takes you throught his first year in AA.

Tells you all about the AA program, what meetings are like, people he met in AA.. how he worked each step. ..the traditions. And alot more. Its his journey through AA. Good Book.

Zube

Finally found a sponsor at my meeting last night.

Feeling MUCH better.

Thanks for the feedback and support...

Zube
80 days sober, 24 hours at a time.

SwanSong

Good job Zube. I'm happy for you!

CarolD

Congratulations ...

Blessings to both of you as you continue to move forward