silversun

Hello. I am new to this forum and have been reading through so many wonderful threads. I have a dear friend who is a recovering drug addict, at least he is right now. He has gotten clean on his own; however, is not attending NA meetings, etc. As much as I'd like to, I do understand that you can't make someone want to change, they have to do it all on their own. So far he is hanging in there (a couple months clean). He periodically reaches out for my friendship and support, which I'm happy to give. My question is how to best be his friend, what sorts of things to say to him, not to say to him, etc. I don't give him money, but I offer to help with things like driving to appointments, job interviews, talking, fun activities to keep him busy, etc. Since I'm not an addict and am new to this I'm not sure what feelings or emotions he goes through. I just know he has what he calls good days and bad days. I'm very grateful for any help I can get. I realize this is a disease and I don't want to give up on a friend who is sick. I want to support the best I can without enabling.

greeteachday

Welcome Silversun! There's lots of great support here and I think you are a wonderful friend to care enough to consider looking around here!

When my daughter was first seeking recovery I had the same type of questions you had - what to do, not do, what to say. It's great that you realize that you can not walk his path for him and that you recognize that things like giving him money or covering up for him, etc are not supportive. It sounds like you are focused on being a friend...doing things one friend would do for another because you care.

I suspect the best suggestion I can make is to trust your instincts and to not do things from a sense of obligation or fear that if you don't he will use - none of us is that powerful. Lots of times the best support anyone can give is to just be a friend and to lend an ear if needed. Hugs

Kindeyes

It sounds like you are doing just fine to me. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you.

Welcome to SR.....feel free to come here to ask questions, express concerns, share experiences and get support.

gentle hugs

MissTara

Welcome Silversun! I think it is great that you are such a good friend to him. And also, that you are asking for advice on how to be sure dont enable him.

My brother is an addict/alcoholic and currently in a halfway house. He calls and asks for things, and I do send them. Necessities like socks, a few dollars here and there for bus tokens, candy ect...

I had to draw boundaries, ones that would be healthy for me and for him. Because something I have learned from working my program is *who am I to take away the right of him being able to do things for himself?*

I struggle with what those things are of course, I am sure he can buy his own socks and his own candy, lol, but I dont do near what I used to for him. And to me, that is progress not perfection.

I hope you can figure out the boundaries for you and him, healthy ones...