DanceGavin

My story begins about a year and a half ago. At this point, I had only smoked weed a couple times when a coworker who had hooked me up with a couple bags told me he was selling something else. First he made me promise not to tell other people at work. He then proceeded to pull out a few tiny blue pills. I had no idea what they were, but he said they would get me high. I asked him if it was anything like weed and he laughed and said it was nothing like weed. The appeal here was that when I smoked weed, I had to go home to my parents smelling distinctly like it. So, in my head, this was a new drug that I could get high on in the safety of my bedroom without my parents every knowing. He called it Oxycodone. I remembered a bit from my freshman year of high school health but I had never really paid attention to the drug portion as I was a good little boy who would never do that stuff. Then there was the catch. One pill was $30. Whoa. Well, so much for that plan. I still wanted to try it though, just once. So he told me he would sell me half a one for $15. This began the end of my life as I knew it.

Here I am now, with a $900 credit card bill that my parents found out about. They obviously knew what was going on. The longest I have gone sober was about 6 months ago when I was sober for 3 months straight. Then, one day, I decided it would be OK to just rail one 30. Oops. The past month has been the month when things have slowly gotten better. For the longest time, I saw no reason to quit. Life wasn't enjoyable unless I was nodding. Then, it was like something clicked. I realized how many of my friends I had lost, how much of my parent's trust I had lost, and how much I hated my life now more than ever. This was right after my parents found the credit card bill and I made the decision to tell my mom I was gay, thus one less thing I needed to lie to her about. I was sick of the lies. All of them. I stole money from work, pawned most of my video games and movies, and basically hit rock bottom. The first thing I did was quit smoking weed. Until then, I was an every day, twice or three times a day toker. When I couldn't afford 3 or 4 30s a week, I bought dime bags to hold me over. I knew I would have a hard time giving up my precious opiates, but I knew there was hope too. I had been to one NA meeting, but realized that I was not nearly as bad as others had been. But I did not feel the need to go back. I am doing this simply with the help of my friends (and now you guys <3). I disconnected myself from all my drug friends, deleted numbers from my phone and felt great about everything. Then, a week or so later, the dentist told me I needed my wisdom teeth out. I went through 56 tab 7.5s in about a week and a half. I binged so hard. But I knew that once they were gone, I had to be done. I ate my last 10 tabs and waited as the buzz came and faded away. Finally, it was over. I was free. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. And I was doing great.

Until today. I had deleted all those numbers, but I didn't think about them still having mine. I woke up to a text that someone had 2 perc 10s for sell. I couldn't say no. I broke, and off the wagon I fell.

As I said, this past month has been a lot better. Withing 3 weeks or so, I only did 1 30 and those 2 10s. I have decided that I need a goal, or a reason to not buy them. This summer I will be making a trip to Japan with a few of my non druggy friends who have welcomed me back with open arms. But I knew after today that I needed some sort of support from others who knew what I was going through. I know this is mostly an AA forum, but I'm sure we all suffer from a similar illness, and I really look forward to getting on here to talk to all of you when I'm at my lowest, or when I get another one of those texts. I almost know I will relapse again. I don't want to, nor do I plan to. But I am going to look forward and hope to see the joy in life without pills.

That's the end of my mini biography. If you're still reading, thanks! I look forward to getting to know all of you!

least

Welcome to our recovery family. Here's a link to our substance abuse forum. Lots of support and understanding there. I'm glad you found us and wish you a happy sober life.

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Giraffe

Well done writing this post. Keep posting, people here are very supportive.

Dee74

Hi DanceGavin

You'll find a lot of support here - and we're not limited to one recovery model - we're open to anyone who wants to get into recovery

That being said I think some face to face support is often useful - you've seen yourself how hard it can be to resist those texts etc.

There are alternatives to AA/NA if thats not your thing. I hear good things about SMART for example.
SMART Recovery® | Self Help for Alcoholism & Addiction

Welcome
D

trixieisme

Welcome and thank you for sharing. One thing I noticed when I was playing around on my Verizon page (not sure who you have for cell phone service but it might be something to look into) is that you can add numbers to a list of numbers to block from texting you. That way, not only did you delete the numbers, but they cannot contact you eithe.

Just a thought.

Staying sober is hard at first. But if you can do it, you will see a whole new side of the world.

Keep coming back.

DanceGavin

Thanks for the links lol I figured there was probably a section more specific to my situation :P Also, thanks for all the words of encouragement!