Wanna come to my pity party?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
Wanna come to my pity party?
Man, I am sorry, I just don't know what is wrong with me I just seem to have the radar for emotionally unavailable men in my life.
Even in my work place these professionals throw tantrums and get away with it. It is so insane.
I am so done with this.
I don't know if I am consciously doing this as a way of staying uncommited or if I feel undeserving or if it is clearly unresolved childhood "stuff" but wow. I the healthier I become the less I want.
I am tired of coming home and wanting to "vent" and having someone say " well if you think you got it bad listen to my story...........
how about just, come here, let me hold you, or a little EMPATHY? is that too much?
call me crazy?
Even in my work place these professionals throw tantrums and get away with it. It is so insane.
I am so done with this.
I don't know if I am consciously doing this as a way of staying uncommited or if I feel undeserving or if it is clearly unresolved childhood "stuff" but wow. I the healthier I become the less I want.
I am tired of coming home and wanting to "vent" and having someone say " well if you think you got it bad listen to my story...........
how about just, come here, let me hold you, or a little EMPATHY? is that too much?
call me crazy?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
I hear you. There is no room in my As life for anyone else to have a bad day, be tired, or have a struggle.
I think there is something very truthful and powerful in your "radar" statement.
It does, ultimately, I think come down to us and what we deep inside believe we do or do not deserve, and the world outside of us reflects that.
This is my work... Trying to shift that radar, stop playing that tape, and struggling to find a wway to love someone without being shredded to bits.
It's hard work. Welcome and keep posting!
I think there is something very truthful and powerful in your "radar" statement.
It does, ultimately, I think come down to us and what we deep inside believe we do or do not deserve, and the world outside of us reflects that.
This is my work... Trying to shift that radar, stop playing that tape, and struggling to find a wway to love someone without being shredded to bits.
It's hard work. Welcome and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 342
Originally Posted by lillamy 
Do we work in the same place? 
(I actually told someone last week that "I have three children that I am trying to raise, and you can't pay me enough to raise my coworkers as well"...)
(I actually told someone last week that "I have three children that I am trying to raise, and you can't pay me enough to raise my coworkers as well"...)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 927
*hugs*
Your radar is working. You are picking up on these 'black holes' who want to suck you in and drain you of energy.
Next step.. tools to prevent them. Anti-gravitational devices that stop you being sucked into them.
First, identify. They swallowing up and giving little or nothing in return? You got a black hole.
Second, practice detachment with a countering strategy. Mentally distance yourself from their negative emotional pull. Let them vent, moan, whatever keeping a safe distance from the pull. When they are done, counter with engaging them in talking about positives. They may rail against this or find it difficult. They may not be able to get things back on a better, more positive track.. if so, excuse yourself and step away.
Third and if you can't escape. Practice self insulation. Imagine the words/actions being taken away before they hit you. Or imagine an inpenetrable force field around you, bouncing them off you. You are then giving them your patience but without absorbing any of their stuff.
Fourth and if necessary. Confront. Acknowledge that they are having problems, or that something is going on with them that generates their attitude/actions, but explain that it is impinging or your well being and that you need them to curb their negative demeanour.
Never assume responsibility for another person's negativity. That way lies madness. You can empathise, but it is not your responsibility to fix their negative attitude or actions. Your only 'responsibility' is to protect yourself against it.
Tx
Your radar is working. You are picking up on these 'black holes' who want to suck you in and drain you of energy.
Next step.. tools to prevent them. Anti-gravitational devices that stop you being sucked into them.
First, identify. They swallowing up and giving little or nothing in return? You got a black hole.
Second, practice detachment with a countering strategy. Mentally distance yourself from their negative emotional pull. Let them vent, moan, whatever keeping a safe distance from the pull. When they are done, counter with engaging them in talking about positives. They may rail against this or find it difficult. They may not be able to get things back on a better, more positive track.. if so, excuse yourself and step away.
Third and if you can't escape. Practice self insulation. Imagine the words/actions being taken away before they hit you. Or imagine an inpenetrable force field around you, bouncing them off you. You are then giving them your patience but without absorbing any of their stuff.
Fourth and if necessary. Confront. Acknowledge that they are having problems, or that something is going on with them that generates their attitude/actions, but explain that it is impinging or your well being and that you need them to curb their negative demeanour.
Never assume responsibility for another person's negativity. That way lies madness. You can empathise, but it is not your responsibility to fix their negative attitude or actions. Your only 'responsibility' is to protect yourself against it.
Tx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
The timing is strange but read this. Someone gave it to me the other day and it's tangible and apparently valid.
Why Is This Person in My Life?
Many people believe that the Law of Attraction says that if someone shows up in their lives, it's because they attracted that person. I know that when I'm in a lousy mood and I get into my car, it sure seems that every bad driver and tailgater in the vicinity is in my lane. I'm irritated, they're aggressive, and we are all resonating together. If you could "hear" our vibration, it would sound like a head-banging, heavy-metal rock song called "Get Out of My Way!"
But on that same road there are drivers who are tuned in to a different frequency. They've got "Take It Easy" playing on the car stereo. They're smiling as all the angry drivers zip through the lanes and wear out their accelerators. These travelers let the others pass and give them no energy or attention.
The Law of Attraction has been misinterpreted by some to mean that we are actually acting as magnets, drawing in and repelling people and situations that perfectly match up with our vibration. This is a mechanistic view of how attraction and resonance works.
Like attracts like, so you will notice, approach, and interact with those you feel a connection to. However, you're not personally responsible for everyone who is on the freeway today just because you chose to go for a drive. You, like everyone else, will always be surrounded by people who are angry and intense, and others who are calmly enjoying the ride. The Law of Attraction simply ensures that you'll notice those vibrating at your level and overlook everyone else. So which song are you going to tune in to?
Colette Baron-Reid
Author of The MAP: Finding The Magic and Meaning in the Story of Your Life
Why Is This Person in My Life?
Many people believe that the Law of Attraction says that if someone shows up in their lives, it's because they attracted that person. I know that when I'm in a lousy mood and I get into my car, it sure seems that every bad driver and tailgater in the vicinity is in my lane. I'm irritated, they're aggressive, and we are all resonating together. If you could "hear" our vibration, it would sound like a head-banging, heavy-metal rock song called "Get Out of My Way!"
But on that same road there are drivers who are tuned in to a different frequency. They've got "Take It Easy" playing on the car stereo. They're smiling as all the angry drivers zip through the lanes and wear out their accelerators. These travelers let the others pass and give them no energy or attention.
The Law of Attraction has been misinterpreted by some to mean that we are actually acting as magnets, drawing in and repelling people and situations that perfectly match up with our vibration. This is a mechanistic view of how attraction and resonance works.
Like attracts like, so you will notice, approach, and interact with those you feel a connection to. However, you're not personally responsible for everyone who is on the freeway today just because you chose to go for a drive. You, like everyone else, will always be surrounded by people who are angry and intense, and others who are calmly enjoying the ride. The Law of Attraction simply ensures that you'll notice those vibrating at your level and overlook everyone else. So which song are you going to tune in to?
Colette Baron-Reid
Author of The MAP: Finding The Magic and Meaning in the Story of Your Life
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