Icantstandthis

I started using heroin after my 2 year relationship was ended and i was left with what felt like nothing. I am 18 years old. I live with both my parents, my dad and my mom, and my mom has MS. I got caught stealing from my parents multiple times and i am now doing an outpatient rehab and im on week 3. My father is a very primitive man who does not seem to understand addiction is a disease and not a moral choice. I relapsed yesterday for the first time in awhile, he gave me money to go get food and something for basketball and i just ended up getting drugs. I dont even remember it. He raged yesterday and made things worse, and one of my friends mother in the program called my mom and explained things to her so my mom understands. I cant even describe to you how down on myself I am. I lost everything. I lost alot of my friends, i lost my parents trust, and i lost the life i once loved to live. My dad just completely tore into me how im going no where and how hard his life was and we should go back to the 1970s just so I could see what its like to be on my own, and he always calls me a sorry person. I feel so alone. If anyone could give me some words of advice on what to do or just any feedback, I'd love to hear it.

least

I have no advice, just want to welcome you to our recovery family. I don't know anything about heroin or other drugs but will give you a link to our substance abuse forum. Lots of support and good advice there from people who understand.

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

kiki5711

It's really, really hard on the parents. Once your parents see that you're actively seeking recovery, they will be much more supportive, but not if you just lie and steel and use them to further your habit.

Icantstandthis

I was doing fine, I stole a mass ammount of money before, and just the other day i took 25 dollars...im so ashamed of the things ive done. I cant believe this is me, and I dont know how to go on anymore. im just lost.

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome,

I'm an alcoholic, so I don't have much addiction-specific information, but I can tell you the worse you feel right now, the more hopeful your prospects for recovery are. Most of us had to get beat up emotionally pretty bad before we were able to give up fighting the disease.

Yep, that's right, we gotta STOP fighting it. Once we admit we are powerless and our lives are unmanageable (score card reads zero), we have taken the first step toward recovery.

Have you been to any NA meetings?

Icantstandthis

No, and the counselors in my IOP unit are always on me about that too.

Anna

Why not use these negative feelings you have to propel you into taking action and working on becoming the person you want to be? You don't need to feel like this and you don't need to go through this again.

Hollyanne

Hang in there. Go to NA as much as you can. Get clean and get ahead so you can move out and not have to depend on Dad and that solves 2 problems.
As soon as you get a little stronger, get a job and pay them back. You will all feel better.

Icantstandthis

I really just need help with the push...when me and my gf broke up before I was the same way. Sick and unwilling to move. I was heartbroken. I feel exactly the same now, I just need to force myself. I want to fit in again.

Dee74

Hi again - I saw yr other thread

I know how hard it is to do something when it seems too much effort to even get out of bed...but you must.

You need to do something different. We all did.

The only way I ever changed my life was to actually change it.

I think some face to face support - whether it be NA or some counselling, or whatever - could be of great benefit to you.

Don't think of everything you have to do right now...making amends and paying people back...it's probably going to overwhelm you.

Just move forward a little day by day, keep up the commitment and i think you'll eventually find yourself where you want to be

D

Sugah

This may sound harsh, but no one can do this for you. No one can make you, though they can put up boundaries that makes your continued use very miserable. Sounds like that may be what your dad is trying to do with you now--shame you into action. You're the one who has to take the action.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

artsoul

You can start again..... I know it's hard to deal with a relapse (most of us have been there), but like Dee said, focus on taking it one step (one day) at a time.

Coming here every day helps me stay sober. None of us can do it on our own - we need that support. Glad you're going to outpatient - maybe there's someone in your group you could go to NA meetings with?

Hang in there - it will get better.

reggiewayne

My guess is you wouldn't have stolen the money if you didn't need the drugs so bad. The drugs are the problem, the stealing the money is the solution. I'm obviously not condoning stealing, but trying to help you see that you are sick right now and the drugs are the only medicine that you know.

If you can get into recovery and eliminate the need for drugs, the need to steal will also go away... Make sense? Like some have said, don't beat yourself up.

In AA we have an amends step. That will be the time to deal with the guilt you are feeling now. There is an entirely different life waiting for you that doesn't include needles, jail, stealing, lying, etc... All you have to do is go get it!!!!

MsCooterBrown

Welcome. Be sure to check back in. Post often..it really helps when you feel overwhelmed..Addiction is extremely hard for non addicted people to understand. Especially parents. I hope they go with you to some of your out patient rehab meetings..maybe that would help?

jme2788

The fact that you are 18 and you realize you need to change is encouraging. People told me to go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work the 12-steps and it sounded like a bunch of B.S. to me. Honestly I couldn't believe that's all I needed to not only get off of drugs/alcohol but to get rid of my depression and live a happy life. But I did it because I was desperate and it sounds like you are too. It WON'T fail if you take action.

newby1961

Well said jme2788 I to wouldn't do anything to change till I was hurting so bad and the only place left for me to go was a mtg. I know some people get and stay sober/clean without mtg's, but I'll tell ya I tried it both ways and when I go to mtg's the quality of my recovery is so much better. For me it helps to be in a room full of people who get me and have been where I have been. I sometimes feel closer to people in the mtg's then I do with my own family, cause they clearly don't or won't get it. Its almost like they feel better about themselves when they are thinking how messed up I am, and its been several years. Anyway sorry didn't mean to go off on my stuff. I just hope you do what you need to do to live a sober/clean and somewhat sane life lol. Welcome to SR

ACT10Npack

Icantstandthis, good to see that your trying to get help for yourself. Don't worry too much on your relapse itself. I think you should start thinking about why you wanted to steal and use heroin. I know it's a hard thing to do but just calling it a disease will not fix your problem. You decided to steal and buy heroin and that was a choice and calling it a disease is a cop out. I know your addicted to the stuff but something happen that trigger you to use. Try to learn what does and learn how to deal with it without using heroin.

Good luck with it and welcome to SR.

Bamboozle

Is there anyone you can talk to, perhaps a counselor and/or doctor? I hope you tell someone how severely depressed you feel.

My dad’s a smart man, but when it comes to addiction and mental illness he’s very dense. Not much I can do to change his mentality.

Welcome to SR.