mswg

I stopped drinking 11/1/10 so about 3 months. I think I am more of a hard binge / alcohol abuser. I read Under the Influence and several other books and know I have a problem but I don’t think I am physically addicted beyond lifestyle habit.

I normally travel extensively for work but with the weather this week I have worked from home. Friday afternoon is always a great feeling to turn off VPN and have a drink, which leads to the rest of the night.

I have only attended two AA meetings in my life. First was a local one when I was home on a week night about a year ago. This was not really helpful but I did not really reach out. I started drinking again last year. I attended my second meeting a couple weeks ago out of town close to the hotel I was staying at. Again, I am not sure it is for me. I did hear a man tell a story that sounded like just out of the big book and I really felt for him.

I drink because I like it, no other reason I can discover. I know I cannot drink normal or moderate. What is the chance I could drink (binge I’m sure) but then not have any until next “planned binge”.

As I write this I see it is pretty crazy, my last serious attempt included 30 days abstain, admitted to doctor, pastor and wife I had a problem and went to my first meeting. After that I tried the moderation route. Telling myself I would not have more than four drinks and only occasionally. Needless to say that did not work.

What has been your history with “planned binge”, I doubt this is a good idea but I really want to enjoy alcohol.

suki44883

Why did you decide to stop drinking back in November? If you are a binge drinker who can go weeks or months without drinking, I don't see how anything would change if you continued to plan your binges. There must have been some reason why you decided to stop drinking. If you are an alcoholic, you can't "enjoy" alcohol. That's what makes us alcoholics. We simply cannot drink like normal people who are not alcoholics.

doggonecarl

Then I don't see you having much luck with either quitting or moderating. When you stop enjoying it...We'll be here for you!

mswg

I decided I need to quite because I was binging 3 or 4 times a week. I know I cannot drink normal, no question about it. I let the “moderation” method get out of hand. I am just wondering how going in with eyes wide open would work, just wondering I guess. As for quitting so far I have always been able to, I do fear there will come a day when that is not true.

whatisit

Suck it up dude! I want a drink too. It's only been about thirty six hours since my last drink, but I'm messing around here on SR instead of drinking.

There are other fun things right?

Anna

Planned drinking, moderating, whatever you call it, doesn't work for alcoholics. I spent more than a year obsessively trying to moderate my drinking. What happened was that I got worse during that year, and my mind was always cluttered with obsessive thoughts about drinking. When I finally quit for good, it was a huge relief.

You say you still want to enjoy alcohol. In order to be sober and to recover, you need to have a lot of motivation. It's hard and it takes a lot of work. But, it is definitely worth it. I am not an AA person but I do work on my recovery every day, and I love to do that.

I suspect that there may be reasons that you drink, other than liking to drink. You might find as time goes by in recovery, that you recognize issues and situations that trigger a response to make you want to have a drink. At any rate, take a look around here and read and learn and know that we will support you if you choose to be sober.

Dee74

I really wanted to enjoy alcohol too...I nearly killed myself trying to enjoy it again.

In the end I had to face up to the fact I hadn't enjoyed it for many years, and it bought me a lot of misery, pain and drama.

My life is immeasurably better without it.

If yours isn't....maybe you need to look at what else you need to do besides not drinking, mswg?

D

Antiderivative

If you have read up on alcoholism, then you would realize that there is more to it other than just physical addiction. There are also mental and emotional addiction ties to alcohol. Physical addiction only lasts a short amount of time and typically after you have inundated your body with booze, resulting in detoxification.

If you have a problem, then why not address it? Unless you honestly think the solution to your drinking problem is binge drinking. In my humble opinion, binge drinking seems like an peculiar solution to a drinking problem.

I eventually eat a s#!t sandwich of my own making. I can't "plan binge" drinking. I can self-remiss at times, but once I pick up I am eventually back to the races--in a race that I cannot win.

Stevie1

I want a drink too, better believe it. But I'm an alcoholic, and I cannot control my intake. Full stop and amen.

To answer your question, Glenn...I have quite a history of "planned drinking" attempts. It's never worked. Oh sure, it's worked in the short term, sometimes for months (only get drunk on Wednesdays, only drink on nights where I don't have to work the next morning, only drink on weekends, yadda yadda.) Sometimes I was quite pleased with myself that I was able to "control" it! Ha. Ha.

But countless times I slowly slipped into uncontrollable, daily black-out drinking and destructiveness. Every time. No matter how much I enjoy drinking (and I do, did, do, did, lol) I just can't.

I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not. That's your call. If you are, then you'll just have to suck it up and quit drinking one way or another, or remain controlled by your addiction. If you're not, then go ahead with the planned binges...as someone said upthread, this site and other types of support will be there for you when you're ready.

joedris

Quitting is easy. It's staying quit that's hard. Doesn't look to me that you're real successful there, my friend. Binging 3 or 4 times a week? That's not binge drinking anymore. You'll probably go through or have already gone through the same process we have. Try to moderate some more, drink only on weekends, switch from liquor to beer to wine to whatever, go to a few AA meetings to try and learn how to drink normally. Quit for a few weeks just to show yourself that you can do it.

When you arrive at the conclusion that you're not drinking because you like to, but rather you're drinking because you cannot not drink, let us know. Then we can help you. If you want to continue with this "planned binge" crap, go ahead. We'll leave the light on for you.

Untoxicated

I hear this slogan a lot and I've never agreed with it. I found both quitting and staying quit to be very difficult.

mswg,
I never planned a binge, I just drank until I didn't want to drink or couldn't drink anymore - usually 3 or 4 days (like you) and then I'd take some days off, rinse, and repeat. It was more along the lines of planning to drink and then it turning into a binge.

artsoul

I think Steve put it best: I don't think there's any inbetween for us. We still want a drink BECAUSE of our addiction. If you started drinking again, you'd just be waiting for that next time you could binge, and still fighting the urges on the sober days. At least that's the way it was for me when I tried to control my drinking. I started off fine but kept shortening the time between my "allowed" drinking episodes. Another thing I noticed was that if I managed to go a week or two without, it seemed like I would "make up for lost time" and drink even more than normal.

By the way, congratulations on your sober time. 90 days is a big deal!! (Just a note: people report having a rough time at 30,60, and 90 days..... so maybe that's what's going on?)

recoverywfaith

The obsession of the mind is one of the more baffling aspects of the disease of alcoholism. Stay away from the first drink and it does not turn into the pyscial aspect of the disease. For me, if i have a thought of drinking I have to remember what it was like, and to know that it can kill me and to stop the thought process. Stay strong and keep sharing.

Rift

I know the feeling MSWG. I have 40 sober days now and for some reason tonight I am chomping at the bits to go get a bite to eat and drink a few. Not sure what I'm going to do yet. I know a "few" is hard to imagine given my history, but...I don't know, I may just go drive around and rethink the drink. Good luck!

Rift

By the way I'm a binge type of drinker too. My drinking has never been an everday or even a 3 to 4 times a week deal. The thing with me though is taking that first drink and then not having the ability to stop until the next day or days.

Just think about the next day after your drink, ya know. That awful hangover that will surely come the next day. That is what prevents me from picking up that drink.

marni

[QUOTE=mswg;[I]I drink because I like it, no other reason I can discover. I know I cannot drink normal or moderate. What is the chance I could drink (binge I’m sure) but then not have any until next “planned binge”.
[/I]
Hi mswg and congrats on 90 sober days
just reading this line and seems to me that a "normal drinker" would not plan to "binge drink", they would enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with a meal or make a toast with a glass of champagne, have a beer while watching a sporting game. Maybe you just like to get really drunk... just thinking, or maybe once you start drinking you can't stop so you give yourself "permission" to drink a lot of alcohol and that makes it ok.

Though no-one can go back and make a new start,
anyone can start from now and make a new ending.
Carl Bard

keithj

You let it get out of hand? Sounds to me like the alcohol is calling the shots here, not you. I'm not saying that to be mean; I just know that the delusion that I am in control was one of the hardest hurdles to get over.

Really, it doesn't sound like you've been able to at all. It seems like when you quit, you go back to it.

If that sounds like you are control, by all means go for it.

puttr3

admitted to doctor, pastor and wife I had a ? So like all of us in this room have had to lie to answer that question. Just stop and put yourself around positive people sounds like you haven't hit the bottom so it is up to you to answer.. Be Good

Danae

Hi mswg,

You sound like me, a year ago, with regards to the moderating idea. Maybe I had to go through that phase and see that it didn't work. Maybe I had to really nail it in my own mind that I wasn't someone who could moderate successfully. It took too much energy and didn't work for long.

Quitting, over 2 months ago, has been a revelation in that I feel much better and don't think about drinking as much. I wish I hadn't wasted the last year but perhaps everyone has to come to their own conclusion. The danger of that is that acoholism progresses, and it may be more difficult to quit later in your drinking career.

At any rate, welcome!


D

mswg

thanks for all of your post. my wife came home from work and we went out to a nice dinner. then we went and walked around the mall, even got couple nice deals

i did not drink and am glad i did not. funny thing is once we go out i really don't have a strong desire to drink. i have been going to happy hours, business dinners and parties with no issue at all. sitting at home in front of the fire after finishing work and shoveling snow is the time i want to drink. i guess it is because i know i can have all i want as fast as i want, trust me i know i am not a normal drinker and never will be.

i have open an mind to any support and may go back to aa. i am active in my church, only the pastor and a few close men know of my issue but they are not alcohlics. i have been here often and will contiune.

again, thanks for your comments and support!