bigred95

After 45 days sober i relapsed about a week ago. I got cut from work early and decided to have some drinks with a buddy. Some drinks turned to many drinks as they often do with people like us. Anyways i woke up with a horrible hangover. The worst part about it was the anxiety and the guilt. I felt the feelings I felt when I wasnt drinking during my alcoholic time. The first thing that popped in my head was "Well you have the day off a few drinks will take care of this stress". It was then when I realized that unless I was sober all the time this anxiety would leave me unless I was drunk. It explained why I drank all the time before, because it gave me anxiety. Kind of ironic right? Anyways although I am disappointed that I relapsed I am happy to have this realization because it will be another tool to aid in my sobriety, along with SR and SMART recovery meetings that I have recently began.

Anna

Yes, it definitely is ironic.

I began to drink to self-medicate anxiety/depression. I had no idea that it would make things so much worse, in fact so much worse that I was really, really afraid to stop drinking.

I'm glad that you have learned and now you can move on.

CarolD

Yes..many of us returned to drinking and found it no longer
was what we wanted to do....and started fresh....
I did...more than once....

Glad you are beginning again....all my best as you move on.

xuse

not ironic drinking does the same sick thing to me welcome im working on me and thats all you can do i found it doesn t help it really makes things worse and thats hard to admit i no

Kmber2010

Bigred, glad you are back and added support tools. I found many things when I was drinking and they definitely were far from the initial coping/escape I had found. I physically and mentally deteriorated and I discovered the horrible anxiety yet worse panic attacks that came along my way. I drank to relieve and it made it worse. What a mess those years were and I stumbled many times before I said to myself enough is enough.

What I do know for me is that I have not had a panic attack since quitting and the anxiety became less and less and is easily managed through breathing, etc.

For me....having the support and tools made the difference and I am blessed everyday for my sobriety.

Keep it going

April999

Thanks for your honest post. Im glad you're able to admit when you slip up, I had a slip up, learned from it and moved on. All the best!!!

jme2788

Towards the last 3-4 years of my drinking/using days I was also getting high or drunk to deal with depression. Little did I know that the chemicals were making it much worse, not only physiologically but how I perceived the world. I came to believe that I was inferior to everyone, and I couldn't conquer my problems because I always gave up when the going got tough. Getting sober has completely flipped that perspective to believing I can do ANYTHING as long as I stay sober and do the next right thing. It's an amazing feeling to go from a hopeless druggie who hates life to someone who feels that they can accomplish anything IF they work towards it.

It feels every time I get through a rough patch, I come out stronger than ever before, with a little more maturity. The worse the problem, the bigger the gain as long as I keep working the program. Pain is an invitation for growth.

That "work" part was always my shortcoming.

bigred95

I feel you JME
Right now i am working on getting my life back together after messing it up. Right now I should have graduated college, I should be living at my own place, I would like to have a decent girlfriend and a god job. Luckily I have gotten my life back together and got a part time job in the evenings. It has really helped me not drink or use when I am working until one every several days of the week. I have found that staying really busy gets my mind off using or having anxiety all the time. One step at a time I guess and lots of work to get caught up to where i want to be

jme2788

Absolutely. One step at a time is always so much easier said than done for me because I like everything done on MY timeframe. Learning to accept that progress takes time helps me stay patient when I'm having a bad day or week. I should be graduating college this year as well, but yaknow what? Who cares. Sobriety is better than any diploma and there may be another chance for u to finish school.

That's great that you're working! I wonder what would have happened had I not found a part time job as well. It helps me feel needed and gives me the opportunity to be a good employee, and co-worker. I wouldn't have cared about those things 4 months ago but I do today. Don't worry about the girlfriend thing, just work on YOU. You don't need anybody to make you happy.

bigred95

"I should be graduating college this year as well, but yaknow what? Who cares. Sobriety is better than any diploma and there may be another chance for u to finish school."

Very true...I like feel a drunk and high me with a diploma is worth nothing anyways. A sober me without does way better things and is way happier

least

Welcome back to recovery from a fellow Buckeye.

newby1961

Recovery starts with one single step and I heard this once and really liked it. The shame is not in relapsing, the shame is in not coming back. Keep the faith