Winer249er

<<<waving from the corner>>>>

I can't believe I turned out to be dependent on alcohol. Grew up with alcoholics and it was miserable...yet, here I am doing the same thing to my young daughters. I am so ashamed of myself.

Well, no more. I'm on my third day without a drink, so I know I have a long way to go. And you've probably all heard this before, but I'll say it anyway...I'm ready for change.

Something just clicked in my head. It was the "enough is enough" button.

I don't know if I'm an alcoholic...it seems different than the stories I've always heard of mass quantities and black-outs...but it is definitely addiction. Every night....2 to 3 glasses of wine. At home, never without a glass in my hand. My kids probably think it's part of my anatomy. I plan on reading a lot here to learn all I can.

I don't seem to have any symptoms of detox so far. No anxiety even. Don't miss it yet. I just feel...hmmm....done but kind of empty. I wonder a lot if I've damaged my children. Have a blurry mommy, a short temper sometimes, etc. Sigh. Ick, ick, ick.

Anyhoo...I just wanted to say hi. I'm glad to be here and I really hope the future is brighter.

Wish me luck!!!

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community....

Blessings to you and your children as you move into sobriety

doggonecarl

Welcome. Here on SR's newcomer's board we all share one thing--the desire to rid ourselves of drugs or alcohol. You don't have to be an alcoholic, you just have to want to quit drinking. Lots of good information here. Read up on it and please, post your progress and your problems here.

Anna

Good for you for making a choice to live a sober and healthy life.

least

Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere! Yes, there is hope for a brighter alcohol-free future. I'm living it right now.

MsCooterBrown

Welcome. Sometimes when you finally reach the SICK OF IT stage..you really are done. I have several months of sobriety and it has not been much of a struggle. I wish you the best!

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR 249er! Like you I finally got tired of it. No arrest, no massive hangover, no climactic scene—just got sick of needing it, of feeling like the whole point of my day, every day, was to open a bottle when I got home. Can't tell you how many times I was outside on a beautiful day (I live in SD too) with my daughter, and all I could think about was "Is it a reasonable time to have my first drink now?"

The future DOES get brighter. And pretty quickly in my case. I found SR the day I quit, and it's been a huge help to me every day. Hope it is to you, too.

SSIL75

Welcome!

Creekryder

A heartfelt welcome to you.

jamdls

Welcome to SR Winer!

Kmber2010

Welcome Winer! Glad you are with us and you have our support.

Way to go on making a decision to improve your life. Whatever label we use if any....isn't as important as the desire to remove something negative from our life and move forward positively.

Looking forward to the journey!

igottobesober

I reached that point too, I have 36 days sober. I am also a mom and decided that my kids have saw me drink enough. I dont want them following in my footsteps and I am the one they look to for direction in life. I want to keep them in the right direction
Good Luck you can do it

artsoul

Welcome Winer - Glad you joined. I used to think that my problem wasn't "bad enough" to do anything about - which was totally a form of denial, since women are only supposed to have 1 glass of wine per day. And that's a 5-ounce glass! (not the mug-o-wine I used to drink!).

I didn't get drunk (except when I went to an occasional party), and hid alot of my drinking from my daughters, but they were worried anyway. And you're right about setting an example for them - my girls are so proud of me today.

The mental obsession was the worst part for me- that's why I love this forum so much. I can come here any time and as many times during the day that I want and invest in my own recovery. It's a great tool.

Hang in there - I hope you're having a good day!:ghug3

Danae

I second everything Artsoul said!

DayTrader

Boy, can I identify.

I didn't drink "just like" my dad......and I wasn't a violent/mean drunk - so I figured I wasn't an alcoholic.

I also didn't "need" booze 24/7 and I didn't "need" to drink in the mornings...... plus, I had a house, a job, was married....... I mean, I just couldn't be an alcoholic, right???

Welcome to SR. Lots of information here. Ask LOTS of questions....find out what alcoholism is.....what it really is.... and make your decisions based upon real knowledge.

Winer249er

And I begin Day 4. I can't tell you how nice it was to wake up and read all this encouragement. Thank you, I almost want to cry. Soooo glad I found this forum.

I'm not getting much encouragement at home. My husband, also dependent on alcohol, seems pretty resentful and angry. You see, the event that brought on my decision was brought on by his drinking at a family birthday on Sunday night. I saw him being embarrassing and well, saw a part of myself too. The next morning, I did what I VERY rarely do...I spoke up. I am an addict and an enabler of others' problems too. Quite a life I've carved out for myself.

He said he was sorry and volunteered he would give it up too. Then of course, the backsliding. Yesterday it was..."you know 1-2 glasses of wine are really healthy." Then he was miffed when I didn't agree.

And you know, the thing is...I have no expectation I can control him or that he will quit. I don't believe he really will. It's written all over him. And well...I am just going to focus on me right now. Step at a time.

Simple. Not easy.

Anyway, I'm doing ok today. Our evenings feels so empty and boring the last couple of nights. The mood....decidely chilly. This too shall pass. Most evenings in the past included drinking, so it's hard to reinvent overnight. I plan on getting outside a lot in these next four days and diverting attention. Today I'm working from home and it will be a good test.

Thanks for listening. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

Anna

It sounds like you're doing well and that you have a good attitude. Your husband's drinking is not in your control, as you said. Focus on your sobriety and you'll do fine. As for the boring evenings, I think you will find that recovery takes a lot of changes. When I stopped drinking, I had no idea how I would fill my evenings and it was very scary. I started going for long walks, early in the evening, and that helped me physically, mentally and spiritually.

Good for you for 4 days sober!

Winer249er

Thank you - this is so true. Sick of needing it. Looking at the clock, waiting for that magic noon where guilt will be gone. Tick tock...on the clock. Then, it's wine-thirty.

It's another beautiful day here in San Diego ~ 73 degrees and not a cloud in the sky!! I'm looking at all the snow reports everywhere else and thinking...thank God I'm not trying to stop drinking while being stuck inside all the time. Making plans to get outside a lot in the coming days.

Winer249er

Well, so far...I'm reading that I fit a pattern of the disease's progression. My drinking has increasing over time. Before I quit, for about two weeks I would lay my head on my daughter's pillow (I help her go to sleep at night), and out I went before I could leave. Inebriation and passing out quickly. Short temper at night.

More and more drinks during the day. Constant. Felt funny not having a wine glass in my hand at home. It was like my mind was pushing me to greater and great consumption, and I willingly obliged. Then, interrupted sleep, hangover, trouble waking up, headache, guilt....then back to step one when I got home from work. It was the first thing I thought about when I pulled in the garage, no matter how much guilt I felt during the day.

Hmmm. Clarity.

Winer249er

Thank you. Your post really resonated with me. Mental obsession is dead one.