PuzzledinTX

I'm contemplating attending Al-Anon meetings and had a few questions.

1. Are new attendees expected to speak up right away?

2. Do people in Al-Anon have sponsors like people in AA?

3. Are other members expected to hold what you say in confidence?

Thanks in advance!

Thumper

I've only attended one group.

I was not expected to speak and was told I did not have to speak or even take a turn at reading if I did not want to.

They do have sponsors but I moved before I selected a sponsor so I don't have that experience yet.

Everything is confidential and that was all explained the first time I attended.

At the meeting I went to we read from al-anon literature and then each member shared what they wanted that pertained to that. If someone had a specific issue that was unrelated to what was read that day they could bring it up before the meeting was adjourned. That only happened once at the meeting I attended, which was a smallish group of people that had been meeting for many years.

From what I gather all have a sponsor, all are confidential, and all of them leave speaking up to the individual but the format may vary from one meeting to the next so it is worth checking a few out if that is possible.

StarCat

1. No. You may be asked to read one of the 12 steps or 12 traditions from out of a book (they pass it around the table, I'm sure you could "pass" without reading too if you'd prefer), but you have no obligation to talk to anyone about anything. (They also have plenty of tissues, so don't worry about that either.)

2. Yes. This isn't a "right away" thing, though, and not everyone chooses a sponsor. Just wait it out until you find someone you connect with - no rush. I don't have a sponsor yet.

3. Absolutely yes. What's said in the room stays in the room, including stories and names.

lillamy

Yeah, what they said.
I spent a lot of meetings not talking before I opened my mouth for the first time.

Cyranoak

My experience has been that, while people are people, all meetings are different, and there are no guarantees:

1. Are new attendees expected to speak up right away? No. You share if you want to, and you don't if you don't.

2. Do people in Al-Anon have sponsors like people in AA? If you want a sponsor you ask for one. If you don't you don't. Many believe that having an sponsor and working the 12-Steps is the best way to find your own recovery and serenity.

3. Are other members expected to hold what you say in confidence? Yes. I've been to approximately 800 Al-Anon meetings, and to the best of my knowledge my anonomity has never been breached.

Your results may vary. The best thing I've ever done for myself is go to Al-Anon.

Take care and good luck,

Cyranoak

tallulah

I spent my early Al-anon meetings staring at the floor and/or crying. There was no expectations. I was free to just sit and listen, to share when I wanted to or needed to.

My anonimity was never compromised. There was no requirement to get a sponsor, it was a personal choice whether I did or didn't.

It was just a safe, non-judgemental place to go and talk with other people who had been through the same or similar things.

As it has been pointed out, different meetings may go differently and then of course you have to factor in the different people that attend the different meetings.. but, I've been to three in different areas of my city and each have been beneficial.

All I could say is.. try it.

keepinon

I agree..try it!

BTB

Perfect timing on this topic as I just got back from my first Al-Anon meeting. Yes I was accepted right away. The hardest thing was 1) walking in the door and 2) trying to remember all the names. It was a very small group and we all talk, including me, and it was great! There was one guy there and his story sounded like it was me. I got some advice on how to handle certain situations, like when you get a call from the bar to pick someone up. Tell them to call the sheriff. Wish I had known that one a month ago. Very supportive group and we even talked some after the meeting was over. I am going back as it so nice to have people you can talk who know what you are going through.

By all means, GO.

Learn2Live

My first two weeks or so all I did was sob and cry thru every meeting. I was a walking disaster. But everyone was so supportive and caring. I will never forget this woman who was just diagnosed with cancer the day before I found this particular meeting, who spent so much time with me after the meeting. Such a selfless act to help a complete stranger. I hope you go.

Kassie2

Just another piece of info in case you encounter this:

I didn't know that there were beginner meetings in alanon and so when I first attended -I found it too rigid and while everyone was allowed to talk there was no feedback during the meeting. I went wanting to talk and needing answers.

So when I found a beginner's meeting it was much different - they were more fluid and encouraged talking and general advising -still in an orderly fashion but it was definitely much more what I needed. They also explained a lot about alanon and the meetings.

I also encountered business meetings/plans for anniversary meetings etc. all of which was nothing I was interested in at the time - I just needed support, education and encouragement. I learned to appreciate the step meetings once I understood it all.

fourmaggie

I totally enjoy my group...I learn so much from them..men and women....I have one home group...but i do like to go to other meetings for a switch, sometimes can not make my home group for a reason or other...

I love reading all the literature that is out there...i read it once, GET IT, then read it, GET SOMETHING ELSE out of it...we change every single day and our TOOLs change...I am so blessed for today and my group......................

coldmtn

Postings have given some great answers. Only personal comments I could add are some that I got from a friend that's in AA recovery for 23 yrs and has also been in recovery in AlAnon the last 6 yrs.
1) Look for the winners. Go to a lot of different groups and find (and stick) with the ones that really resonate with you personally. Once you start going to more than one group, you'll see what this means/feels like.
2) As with any other kind of program, support group or learning experience, you get out exactly what you put into it. I was frustrated the first few months but I wasn't making an effort. I didn't call people just to say Hi from the phone list; I didn't stay after the meetings to introduce myself to others; I didn't go to the lunches/dinners that a lot of people in our area go to after the meeting. Once I started doing that, I started getting more out of the program. Taking little steps towards connecting really helps your growth. But for sure go at your own comfort level.
3) My friend also encouraged me to get a temporary sponsor. And that helped more than I can say. At first it felt like a huge commitment, but she pointed out that in the program a temp. sponsor will work with you until you feel like it's not working. And both understand that ahead of time, and no one will hold it against you if you change sponsors. It's just how the program works. My sponsor has supported me, taught me, encouraged me and acknowledged me and that has made a MAJOR difference in my understanding of the program.

Good luck. Keep coming back. It works if you work it.

jols

thanks everybody for all the info and Puzzled for the question. I have been to 2 Al Anon meetings so far and am going to try to figure out if there's a beginner meeting in my town. It's a little weird/frustrating for someone who is still fixated on the alcoholic in their life to be encouraged NOT to talk about them (and focus on their issues) but I think I'll get the hang of it (and stop crying through meetings!) eventually. Best to all...