Where am I ?????

Old 01-24-2011, 05:35 PM
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Where am I ?????

Hi all it has been a while since I have posted. This is due to the fact there is just so much going on in my life I really could not put my head around it. So I am going to break it down by subject the best I can.

My AH is on his 4th out-patient program in 4 months time. Again he had refused in-patient care and says he will not do it. He did tell me tonight that he was on a taper plan through the program and he went to them and asked for longer term maintenance on the suboxone. I really don't believe anything he tells me so I am limbo right now. I was having that feeling again, as I always get that sense. So I am detaching and I have stated to him what is bothering me. Such as when he has to take cash out instead of using his card to charge things. I have already seen an attorney last week and I am getting paperwork together for when and if that time comes that he has to leave.

Next my teenage daughter who suffers from ADD, anxiety and depression is not doing all that well on her new medication. She has told me that she plans on moving to a state that prescribes weed for it when she graduates. Wonderful right I am going to have to deal with someone else using drugs. I have an appt for her at her psychiatrists tomorrow. I am also looking to find groups or something to educate her on the actual dangers of this kind of thinking.

My mother who suffers from depression, anxiety and is bi-polar is back in the psychiatric ward. She comes out for a week or two into a day program and then goes right back in. This has been going on now for about 3 years. I live 400 miles away and my sister is dealing with this. I wish I could actually help more than just listen, but she said she knows I have my hand full right now. Daily conversations with her telling me she just wants to dies has had it's toll but I still try to get through every day. Just to try some positive re-inforcement and saying things look at it in seconds mom.

I have three herniated discs in my lower back and facet's disease and have been told I need surgery. I refuse to take the pain medication because the thought of any opiates makes me sick (AH DOC herion). I also have to keep all my meds hidden and that drives me nuts. I am trying to figure out how to get this surgery done as I will need help after my surgery and I am thinking my AH will not be here. His mother has volunteered to come and help, but they don't know what is going on. To top that off I have had to get a script for anxiety meds myself because it was just getting that bad.

I am however hanging in and taking care of myself. I do go out with friends and take my teenager out weekly for one on one time. I had a great day today with the kids, I took them to see Yogi Bear at he movies. AH is getting them ready for bed now and cleaning the living room. Do you think he knows he is losing me??? Well thank you all for listening that was actually great to get it all out.

Love and prayer to all.
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Old 01-25-2011, 11:35 AM
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Update

Well as I figured he is using again, big shocker I know. So as I am sitting here I am thinking it is going to take me at least a few months to get myself in a position to support my family and have him leave. So I called my back doctor today I see him next week and will try to schedule my surgery. Then I will start the job hunting which may take some time. I have not worked since before the kids were born. I was in school when I met my AH and could not finish due to illness then finances. I am feeling numb and a little lost today and putting on my happy face for the kids.
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:09 PM
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Oh boy~~My heart goes out to you. Life just doesn't seem fair at times. Having back surgery may lay you up for some time. A friend of ours was out of work for 4 months. Maybe you had better do one thing at a time here so your not rushed into the work world too fast before healing. Oh boy~~Theres goes my codependancy. Trying to tell you what to do. I didn't mean to do that. Just thinking out loud. Hang in there and I wish you well with your Dr's appointment.....
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Old 01-25-2011, 12:25 PM
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((lc))

hate to hear about all you are going thru right now - must seem a little overwhelming - probably A LOT overwhelming -

Please take good care of YOU - and keep in touch with us - remember we are here for emotional support!!

PINK HUGS!!
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Old 01-25-2011, 01:57 PM
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Ann
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Sending hugs, lc, and lots of prayers that your life gets better soon.

I know that when life overwhelms me, just giving it all to my HP helps me carry only what I can. And living one day at a time helps me stop "awfulizing" about the future.

Hugs
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Old 01-25-2011, 02:47 PM
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If you get along with your mother-in-law and she's able, I hope you'll accept her help. If there's something she needs to know, it will be shown to her.

You're in my prayers
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Old 01-25-2011, 07:57 PM
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Thank you all and thankfully I was wrong!!!!!

He was slipping and he felt it just as I sensed it and he went to the program he is in and they are starting him on a longer plan. He passed all their test, drug tests included and they accepted him into the longer plan. He has to go every morning and at any time they call to drug test him. I am glad I have this forum to post and work things out on.

Thank you all again and god bless
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