rhainnon34

Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I need to quit drinking. I am a single mom of a 17 and 3 year old so I have a great reason to quit, I just don't know how I will tolerate my amazingly unbearable life. I have never said any of these words to a soul before or been this honest about it, which feels great! I know why I do this, why I feel the way I do, just haven't found the juevos to do it yet. I am afraid of what may happen when I am drinking, and everyone around me knows I have a problem too. It has to stop now, but at my house, by myself, in a town where I have few friends, no family I am close to on the planet, and no one who really gives much of a crap about me at all, I dont know how I will deal with my extreme loneliness. I am not a daily drinker so no withdrawels or any of that, only mental. My drinking problem only got bad when I battled an eating disorder about 6 years ago. I know all about AA since I was practically raised in it, my Dad is a raging alcoholic, who I no longer talk to. I just needed to unload all this hoping it would give me the courage to make a commitment to change. Thanks!

Dee74

Hi Elizabeth

You'll certainly find a lot of friends and support here.

My life was pretty 'amazingly unbearable' too - but I've surprised myself with just how much sober me can deal with, once I got past the fear of the idea...and with the support I've found here, and elsewhere

Welcome aboard
D

littlefish

WELCOME!!!!!
You may feel alone, but you share this problem with all of us. I too felt that I was all alone and nobody cared....I was terrified to quit drinking and terrified keep drinking.
Of course, with kids you are not alone, eh? But, I can relate to that too, because when my drinking became number one in my life, I felt lonely around my kids.

If you don't feel comfortable with AA, thats fine. How about another program? Rehab may not be an option, but, there are outpatient services and other programs besides AA. I found it was an incredible help to be around other people who were trying to quit drinking and stay sober and their support was crucial.

LexieCat

AA is a whole different experience when you are doing it for yourself.

I used to go with my ex to meetings once in awhile (he's sober 31 years and doing great), but I couldn't really relate to what I was hearing until my own drinking was out of control and I needed what the program has to offer.

Give it a shot, it couldn't hurt, and it might make a huge difference.

least

Welcome to our recovery family. You've made a big first step, just admitting you have a problem. You'll find a lot of support and useful information here.

My life was pretty much unbearable too, but with the help of my addiction counselor I'm doing a lot better, and sober as well. Would you consider counseling? I've found it to be very helpful in a lot of ways.

rhainnon34

Thanks you guys! It's not that I have anything against AA at all, my main problem is babysitter to be able to go without chasing a 3 year old all over the meeting room and distracting everyone. His dad gets him every other weekend and on Wed evenings, but at those times I either need to do school work or have a lesson scheduled. I am self employed and have no insurance or money to go to counseling or I would love to! So here I am! I may just try to make some meetings actually.

wicked

My name is Elizabeth too.

We are special.
hehehehehe
yes, please try a meeting, and call around for some with child care, or something else.
they (the alcoholics) are there to help.
have you tried to call your county services for mental health?
i know there are services available through our county, or try Easter Seals.
They have been fantastic with my son and daughter.
Truly a blessing.

Beth

rhainnon34

Yes, Elizabeth is the very best name! To be quite honest I would rather not go to the county, because if anyone ever found out, mainly my ex, he could possibly use it against me. I just made it out of an incredibly abusive marraige, and he would still jump at the chance to cause me any problems.

wicked

I am very sorry to hear that.
But glad to hear you are out of it.
Hmm, ever talk to Domestic Violence counselor?
Maybe they could point you in a direction to get help without him finding out.
But, one thing at a time.
Only when you are ready, if ever.

Going to AA is great.
One baby step at a time.
It works.

Beth

artsoul

Welcome Elizabeth - Good for you for deciding to get sober. It's scary, I know, but the best remedy for that is to just take it one day at a time. Even if you just went to a meeting here and there, it might help you meet some other women who are going through the same thing you are.

I'm a single mom, too, and it does get lonely sometimes. While we love our kids, we still need something in our lives to feel good about (friends, work, etc).

I feel like I have lots of friend here and I know you will too. This can be the first step of a new life. Hang in there - it takes a while to get used to sobriety, but the mornings alone are worth it!!

rhainnon34

Yes, someone stated earlier that they felt lonely around their kids too when drinking. I love my little one more than anything, and I enjoy being with him immensly. It's not that I feel lonely with him, but I do. I feel like there is no one that I can depend on, no one to help ME when times are tough, no one to ever take any load off which just seems relentless. There is no one ever taking care of me, just me taking care of everybody all the time. I am always tired of it. I have been a single mom since I had my oldest child at 17, on my own. I think it was more than I could handle on my own, so young at the time. I think thats part of my problems now. I think I have a lot going on, emotionally as well, I think I do need counseling. I just don't have that option. I have been to domestic abuse counseling briefly after my marriage ended, my counselor kinda sucked. Don't know where to look around here, even if I found any it would still be hard to get a babysitter.

wicked

That's okay, you can go to a meeting and some of the loneliness will fade.
You seem willing.
That is a very good start.
Go to the meetings, there will be another single mom there.
You want to do the right thing for yourself and your children.
Excellent.
Start easy, dont overwhelm yourself.
One step at a time.
Please excuse my boorish behavior and over the top advice giving.
I am sorry.

Beth

rhainnon34

Oh no! I appreciate it a lot! I know I make a lot of excuses!! And I will keep it all in mind. Right now I am doing good to do this, honestly. It is so hard to admit the worst about yourself. I am so upset I ended up like my dad, well, a little anyway. I am also worried I won't be able to do it, that I will be too weak. But now is as good of a time to start as any.

wicked

Geez, I hear ya there. My father terrorized me and my siblings, and I told myself, it wont happen to me.
Well, where did I learn my coping skills? My parents.
yep, alcoholism and depression.
lucky for me (and for you) it can be treated.

Beth

LaFemme

Hi Elizabeth and welcome to SR!

I use SR for all of my support and although I think I am in the minority so far it is working great! I do have a coach as well...that is for dealing with life. 6 months ago my life was pretty unbearable too. My path downward was accelerating at warp speed...but by the grace of God I somehow managed to stop and turn it around...I've got a long way to go but I've also come a long way. You can too

Is there any way your 17 year old can watch your little one while you go to meetings or is that not feasible?

Xoxo, Tina

rhainnon34

I do get him to sometimes, but he moved out recently and has been "couch surfing", since he hates me cause I gripe at him too much. Thats a whole other long story and point of great stress for me. It's getting better, the more he realizes that the rest of the world won't wipe his butt for him either.

wicked

<looking around carefully>
shhh!
i think we should ship all 17 year olds to their own little island or something.
where they could learn how to wipe their own butts.
boys are bad enough, but girls!
aieeeeeeeee!


LOL

rhainnon34

Gosh yes!! I wish there was some teenager boot camp we could ship them all to honestly. He hasn't had it great himself, and he's ADHD. But still!! I could have dealt with it a whole lot better if he would have ever once made some sort of effort to ever accomplish anything. School work, chores, ANYTHING!! he won't try! He acts as if though I made his life hell by demanding he ever do anything, and the world outside without me must be gumdrops and lollipops where he gets to play video games and eat all day long and never have to shower. He's learning pretty fast though now that he's been kicked out of other peoples houses twice in 2 months. Wow, it's no wonder I drink.

LexieCat

I was Miss Goody-Two-Shoes for much of my adolescence, but by the time I was in my twenties my mom often spoke of how she wished she could have shipped me off somewhere just for the year I was seventeen.

Apparently I was, um, difficult.

wicked

gumdrops and lollipops!
i used the same phrase!

yeah lexie i see how greedy you are with your exes.
a leftover from your difficult days?
hmmmm?
lol
alright that was heavy handed, but i must read some about buddha,
just learning.
and dream about it.

Beth