BobGT

I have read many times about people new to recovery worried about going out with friends and being pressured to drink. I went out last night and used an excuse that I don’t remember reading, but surely I have just missed it.

I called a couple of my friends before going out and told them I was not drinking because I didn’t want to drive after drinking. I offered to be their designated driver for the night, and they both accepted.

So not only did my friends not push me to drink, they were on my side when others did try to push me. I would not have drunk anyway, but it was an easy way to get some support. And I didn’t have to worry about my two friends driving drunk.

I thought it was a win-win.

Opivotal

Good planning Bob. You thought it out and took action to avoid any conflict. Way to go!!
Keep up the good work.

LexieCat

Some people do feel the need to make excuses not to drink--especially in early sobriety.

There are a few problems with excuses, IMO. One is when you run out of them. What if one of your friends had informed you that he or she couldn't drink because of prescribed medication, so they were willing to be the DD, and you should go right ahead and enjoy yourself? Another is that we are continuing to be dishonest about our sobriety, just as we were about our drinking problem. In general, I think we want to be working toward honesty, not more dishonesty. That doesn't mean we have to explain that we are alcoholics (that's nobody's business unless we choose to share it), but what's so bad about simply saying we don't drink, or don't drink anymore, because we've decided it isn't good for us? Saying it's for our health is perfectly true, and something that shouldn't engender any debate.

I'm not trying to be critical of what you did, Bob, just questioning whether in the long run it's a great idea.

CarolD

That's really a good idea...

I lived in D.C. where everyone I knew took Taxi's
your solution would not have worked for me..

My fragile early sober days....I kept myself out of bars
and away from drinkers. I found new non drinking
friends in AA....and we did all sorts of interesting things
where drinking was not involved....

I still prefer the company of non drinkers years later.

least

I always drank at home alone so have no drinking buddies to confront... but if I did, depending on my mood I'd just say "I don't drink anymore" and if they pressed the issue would just pull my eyebrows down and ask them directly, "why does it bother you?"

And as to being a DD, what's wrong with being your own designated driver?

meangirl66

i kind of am looking at sobriety like dieting; you tell everyone your dieting and then they see you eating nachos; and they say; are you still dieting? since i;m very early in my sobriety and recovery; for now i will either not answer or use a great standby; i;m on antibiotics; until i am confident that i can say; i don;t drink and mean it....not the best course to be dishonest; but early on in the program i;m not about to shout to the world my disease.
kate

Hollyanne

"I am not drinking."

"Why? Go on, Have one!"

"No, no, really, I shouldn't!"

"WHY?"

"Well, since you ask, the damn thing just doesn't seem to suit me. For instance, I have put on 200 pounds, I knocked down and killed my neighbor's dog, I slept with the other neighbor's husband in a blackout, I arrived drunk to my own wedding and fell over the new MIL and then said to the congregation that they were a bunch of tossers and I hate buying them lunch and the presents are crap, Then I lost my job because I arrived drunk to the meeting and flashed the managers and just last week, I coughed up a piece of my liver! Well, I suppose the one drink won't hurt."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo!'




Nah, didn't really do all that.

BobGT

Hi least. Like you I was an at home drinker. It has been years since I had a drink in public because I have been my own designated driver. Getting a DUI and/or hurting myself or another person always scared me greatly. The only thing I did differently this time was to give others a ride.

The people close to me know that I do not drink any more and most know why. I don't really think I was dishonest here. I told people I wasn't drinking and asked if they wanted a ride.

I'm sure any mixup was due to my lack of writing skill. I appreciate everyone's comments.

PhoenixRose

Another at-home drinker too, but I wanted to give you mad props for being the designated driver, Bob! Was it hard for you being out in that environment? I don't think I'll be ready for that for awhile. Good job taking care of your friends

BobGT

Thanks PhoenixRose. Since I haven't drunk in public for several years, it was pretty easy. I'm used to saying I'm afraid of getting a DUI. The main purpose of my post was to give the new members another excuse since many have indicated it is a problem.

The outing last night was more of a dinner than a drinkathon. The others had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and two had an after dinner drink.

And after a little more thought on saying that I wasn't drinking because I was driving, I'll admit that there might be a little dishonesty there. I had thought of it as only telling part of the truth. I'll have to think some more about what I want to say in the future.

SASA

I am not sure it helps, when people try to force me or convince me ot have one I always joke," hey what I am irish by nature if I drink one I need a whole barrel to be satisfied and there would be no alcohol left for anybody else to drink. As by general irish rule I cannot just have one....." Usually people laugh and talk about something else.....

suki44883

Saying you don't want to drive after drinking sounds great to me. So what if someone else offers to be a designated driver? It would still make perfect sense for you to abstain for yourself, because you are still being honest in that you do not want to drive after drinking. Rather than consider it an excuse, maybe consider it a reason; a reason you can use over and over again.

I think you done good!

Kayak

i know you mean well.

1. lying or lying by omission is what we did when active and we were good at it. we can not continue this is recovery. it will be a downfall.

2. if i need to be anywhere near drinking, i drive myself there. i wouldn't want two drinking guys to keep me from leaving. the second im uncomfortable i leave and call an AA friend.

if you are serious about your recovery, tell the truth, then let it go.

KK (kayak karl)

infiniti

I'm not an alcoholic, but I've recently stopped drinking altogether because of the abject damage that it does to the body. I've discovered that I can't really see any good reason to drink at all.

I'm lucky though and my friends, for the most part, support my not drinking. I went out to a bar with friends this past Friday night and when I asked why I wasn't drinking, I just told them I quit, and they accepted that and even praised me for making that decision.

I think your "excuse" was a good one, but, really, I don't feel any reason to explain why I am not drinking. I just say that I am not or I quit and either people accept that or they don't. That's not my problem if they don't. It's my responsibility to stay true to the commitment that I made for myself and my life.

glitter

I think this is great! In time maybe you will be able to talk about your sobriety with your friends. Maybe they already know about your alcoholism and are happy to see that you have stopped. SOmetimes we don't give "normies" enough credit for knowing what WE think is our secret.

glitter

Fake it til you make it comes to mind in this thread.

The MOST important thing you did is NOT drink and for that, I congratulate you!!

Enigma1

I've been saying that I made a New Year's Resolution not to drink. You know, for "health" reasons. In truth its not really a lie, but I'm not admitting I'm a full blown alcoholic either. Its working for me.

littlefish

In my case, where I live, the lowest alcohol level means an immediete revoking of a driving license and possible jail time. Without a judge or court date, no appeal, the cops gladly escort you to your jail cell.

I was so afraid to drive by the time I quit that a big challenge for me was to actually drive across town somewhere sober and then drive back home again sober. I went to lots of parties at the beginning of my sobriety as the designated driver, and, it was no clever solution, it was what many guests at the parties did. In Sweden, the drinking while driving laws are so strict that being a designated driver is a necessity. Few people chance driving drunk. So there is always a substantial crowd of sober people at parties who will be at the wheel at the end of the night.

I usually sit with them and have a great time.

As for all the comments suggesting that you just say you don't drink, that is of course the best option. But in the case of people like me where most of my friends have known me as a drinker for 30-plus years, just saying "I don't drink" opens up Pandoras box and I would be showered with a rain of questions.

Someday, sometime I will maybe come out of the alcoholic closet, but I am not sure if I want to explain myself to people at this time. I am not sure if I want my alcoholism/sobriety to become a "lite" topic at the table when people have run out of things to say. Nor am I sure if I want to field comments from problem drinkers who resent my sobriety. These things happen.

recoverywfaith

Good you were designated driver~For me I had to change old people, places, and things. Most of the people i drank with, drank in excess and were like me, very destructive. Today, I keep contact with very few friends from 15 years back, as they are normal drinkers and are living good lifes and i have no desire to ever step back into a bar ever. Congrats on your sobriety and making an action plan.

wicked

I think you did good Bob. And, I think it is good to hear from everyone on this.

When I admitted I was an alcoholic, I was in the Army, and had to wait for a bed in rehab. I was practically giddy I was getting help for my alcoholism.
So, when someone asked why I wasnt drinking, I would say loudly,
"Because I am an alcoholic!, Geez, I thought everyone knew that."
Nobody asked twice or forced the issue.
Even those just within hearing distance.

Beth