corkel

So, AH has been gone since Monday, and at least once a day he sends me the same text, "This is all your fault, why couldn't you just be nice to me?" I know it's typical alcoholic talk, but still I'm fuming!!!!! If it weren't so cold out right now, I'd go to the store for some chocolate. (yup, chocolate, that's my drug!)

pixilation

quack quack!!

Yep, typical A talk.

And now I want some chocolate, but it's -19F here(not sure how cold it is in your area) and that's just too cold for a 5 minute run to the gas station.

corkel

Just found 1 lonely choc. pudding hiding in the back of the fridge. Now I'm only half fuming. BTW, pix, new here, can u fill me in on what "quack" means?

pixilation

Quack quack-a term used to denote the crap spewing from the alcoholic's mouth, let me see if I can find the specific thread where it is used first.

tjp613

corkel - you may want to do what I do.... never (NEVER) pass the candy aisle at the grocery store without stopping for a huge bag of Snickers, M&M's, Reese's or Hershey's. Keep a 2-3# minimum stock in the pantry at all times. You never know when disaster will strike so it's best to be prepared.

Oh, and the same rule applies to butter.

tjp613

Here's good info on "quacking"

pixilation

That link didn't work, here's the correct one.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ooks-like.html

corkel

Thanks guys, I'll have to read up on that! Funny, I always thought that the stuff that spewed from his mouth was "mental illness" Oh, and how did you know that Snickers and Reeses were my downfall?! I should stock up.

pixilation

Oops, sorry about the redundancy there!

Oh, it's mental illness, if that's what you consider alcoholism.

Hmm...peanut butter cups.

ToBeSerene

Jelly Bellys - a whole box!

I think you can do a new thread just asking what "brilliant" things we've been told! We fought for years (only when he was drunk) that he was sure I had an affair with one of his old buddies - that's why we weren't having sex. Oh yah - that's why I'm not interested in having sex with my drunk, smelling and unsensitive husband - sheesh!

Corkel - yours is by far the grand prize to date

Yup - couldn't make this "stuff" up!!

yorkiegirl

Always keep hidden stashes (plural) of chocolate around. (Of course it's our fault for being crazy codies). ;-)

corkel

Oh, my AH thought I must be seeing someone else too when we didn't have sex. Hmmm, no, actually it was your filthy foul mouth BEFORE you passed out, and AFTER you passed out, it was the putrid stench of vodka seeping from your pores that kept me away from the bedroom, the bed and your body,thank you very much.

pixilation

Oh, not only am I "sleeping around" I'm doing it with my mommy friends!

When I first heard those words out of his mouth, I was heartbroken, and stopped spending as much time with them as I was. Now that I've heard it more, and discovered that it came from him, and NOT my mom and sister like he first told me, I'm over it.

corkel

I may be spinning out of control with my thinking here, but maybe we could all pool our funds together and buy a giant island somewhere far away for them all to live? They could all lie around in hammocks, plucking rum bottles from the trees while accusing each other of this or that, and verbally abusing one another (none of them would remember it in the morning!) and all of us non-alkies would be free to roam the rest of the world happy to never encounter another drunk ever again! AAAHHH BLISS

Michelle70

I haven't left my AH (yet), but I'm getting closer and closer. The closer I get to leaving, the louder the quacking gets. Sometimes it's so absurd that it's easy to dismiss it, and other times I'm very tempted to try and make him see how he's being illogical or wrong-headed. It's been a battle to recognize that he will NEVER agree that I have a right to leave him. He will NEVER understand that where there is no trust or feeling of safety and security there is no marriage to fight for. He is not going to wake up one day and say, "You're right. It is my fault. I'm sorry to have flushed a 13-year marriage down the toilet, and you should move on with your life."

If I keep waiting for that to happen, I'm going to spend the next 40 years with regret, resentment, and sadness.

It sounds like you've taken the first step, so good for you. Be strong, and let us know how you're doing.

tjp613

Michelle - it sounds like you are waiting for his agreement or his "permission" to leave....? Why?

ShiningStars

omgosh, Pix, I thought I was the only one accused of such nonsense. Except my AH accused me of sleeping with my 3yo sons female OT and speech therapists that came to the house each week. I was having what I thought was a decent conversation with AH when he brought that up. He wasn't drunk, but told me all of this during general conversation we were having about our sons next phase of therapy. I just about fell over! I mean, being accused of sleeping with the cable guy, or every one of our male neighbors, or the UPS/FedEX/any delivery person that showed up, or my teen daughters boyfriends mothers husband was crazy enough...

corkel - I can relate. AH has called me a lesbian many times because I refuse to sleep in the same bed with him - for the exact same reasons you mentioned!

Latley my drug of choice has been Nutella...mmmmm, so good!

ToBeSerene

My AH does not get it "now" but I hope some day he will but I have doubts ...

TJP your question was great & hit home for me too. I'm currently in the "holding area" but am slowly recognizing I don't love him as my soulmate anymore.

Thanks to both of you for bring this to light

LexieCat

Yup, I kept waiting for the light to come on, and finally realized it never would.

The funny thing is that lots of times they WILL say stuff like that--usually when you are literally walking out the door. It doesn't mean they believe it, though--it's usually a form of manipulation to convince you they are going to change.

The only place I've ever heard alcoholics say stuff like that--and mean it--is in the rooms of AA.

Tuffgirl

I loved the quacking thread! Thanks for posting that this morning.

For those who are on the fence about leaving - its the hardest thing I've ever done. He was the "love of my life" - at least I thought he was - and I am heartbroken. But I am calm now and I understand it all now, and that is what I needed to have happen for me.

We had dinner last night before his meeting. He "quacked" a bit but I wouldn't let him go further and told him his sobriety is the most important thing right now and all else has to wait. We instead talked of other things and it was very peaceful and fun. I miss THAT guy A LOT! But he has a long way to go still to be that guy again. the one before alcohol took over and made him a monster.

on a lighter note - I found a chocolate bar made by "Green & Black's Organic" that is to DIE FOR, but expensive so an occasional treat. I came home after dinner last night and ate half! Amazing how it just soothes the frayed nerves...