My own thoughts on recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 105
My own thoughts on recovery.
These are my own thoughts,definition of codependency ,i'll be posting more.
1. Keep coming back even when i'm hurt.
2. Feeling powerless,that there's nothing i can do.
3. Feeling addicted to my ex bf, (not loving him) i feel i need my fix.
4. Feelings of low self-worth. low self esteem.
5. A coping technique i learned in order to adapt to all the pain and hurt caused by my exab because i was so afraid to leave him.so afraid i'de break down and die without him.
6. A state of denial,i tought myself how to ignore his addiction and all the problems we had.
7. Detachment from myself,being so absorbed in his problems that i didnt know how i felt anymore.
8. Believing lies,lying to myself over and over.
9. Not being able to set boundares for my self.
10. Developing patterns of endurment and tolerating.
11. Trying to change my exbf's behaviour and control his choices .
12. Each time i failed doing this,i tried harder,ignored the problem,pretended nothing was wrong,tried even more and hung on tighter.
13. Turning myself into a victim,feeling victimized.
14. Feeling abandoned and neglected.
15. Hating myself.
16. Doing things i didnt want to do,felt like a marionette.
17. Having no faith in myself or the way i felt,i didnt even know how i felt.and what i needed.
18.Turning myself inside out to avoid provoking his doubt and jelousy.
19. Each time he went mad out of jelousy and doubt,i told myself it was me,it's the way i act,look and talk.
20. Blaming myself for his addiction.
21. Feeling guilty for doing anything that makes me happy.It felt so wrong.
22. Not being able to say no when i needed to.
23. Losing serenity and peace in my life.
24. Always trying to make him understand,to show him how hurt i was,how affected i am by his actions...as if making him understand is the only thing i needed for things to be okay.
25. Feeling depressed and frustrated.
26. Neglecting myself and my needs.
27. Many times i felt i didnt want to live,i wanted to hurt myself to destroy is just like the way he is destroying his.
1. Keep coming back even when i'm hurt.
2. Feeling powerless,that there's nothing i can do.
3. Feeling addicted to my ex bf, (not loving him) i feel i need my fix.
4. Feelings of low self-worth. low self esteem.
5. A coping technique i learned in order to adapt to all the pain and hurt caused by my exab because i was so afraid to leave him.so afraid i'de break down and die without him.
6. A state of denial,i tought myself how to ignore his addiction and all the problems we had.
7. Detachment from myself,being so absorbed in his problems that i didnt know how i felt anymore.
8. Believing lies,lying to myself over and over.
9. Not being able to set boundares for my self.
10. Developing patterns of endurment and tolerating.
11. Trying to change my exbf's behaviour and control his choices .
12. Each time i failed doing this,i tried harder,ignored the problem,pretended nothing was wrong,tried even more and hung on tighter.
13. Turning myself into a victim,feeling victimized.
14. Feeling abandoned and neglected.
15. Hating myself.
16. Doing things i didnt want to do,felt like a marionette.
17. Having no faith in myself or the way i felt,i didnt even know how i felt.and what i needed.
18.Turning myself inside out to avoid provoking his doubt and jelousy.
19. Each time he went mad out of jelousy and doubt,i told myself it was me,it's the way i act,look and talk.
20. Blaming myself for his addiction.
21. Feeling guilty for doing anything that makes me happy.It felt so wrong.
22. Not being able to say no when i needed to.
23. Losing serenity and peace in my life.
24. Always trying to make him understand,to show him how hurt i was,how affected i am by his actions...as if making him understand is the only thing i needed for things to be okay.
25. Feeling depressed and frustrated.
26. Neglecting myself and my needs.
27. Many times i felt i didnt want to live,i wanted to hurt myself to destroy is just like the way he is destroying his.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Lunaaa, I see so much pain in your post, yet it is pain so many of us have endured for years and years. I am the mother of an addict and could replace a couple of items on your list with more "mother" kind of statements...but the point is, the pain affects each one of us deeply.
By the time I finally went to a meeting, I was broken, exhausted, and almost without hope. Thank God I went...meetings literally saved my life.
We cannot change where we have been or how we have lived, but each new tomorrow brings us a chance to change, to try healthier behaviour and to find hope for better days ahead...because WE change, not because they do.
Hugs
By the time I finally went to a meeting, I was broken, exhausted, and almost without hope. Thank God I went...meetings literally saved my life.
We cannot change where we have been or how we have lived, but each new tomorrow brings us a chance to change, to try healthier behaviour and to find hope for better days ahead...because WE change, not because they do.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Lunaa
That's quite a list. Hopefully, sometime....you'll be able to make a list that counters those things. A list of what you have done for you. A list of what you have learned.
You are on a journey of self discovery......and you may be pleasantly surprised that many of the things on your list are within your control to change.
Thank you for sharing.
gentle hugs
That's quite a list. Hopefully, sometime....you'll be able to make a list that counters those things. A list of what you have done for you. A list of what you have learned.
You are on a journey of self discovery......and you may be pleasantly surprised that many of the things on your list are within your control to change.
Thank you for sharing.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 21
I know EXACTLY how you feel, I could have written the same darn list! It truly is amazing what we give up and forget that we are the only ones who can control us. I almost forget how to have thoughts that he isnt a part of, but I am trying like hell!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
Lunaa
That's quite a list. Hopefully, sometime....you'll be able to make a list that counters those things. A list of what you have done for you. A list of what you have learned.
You are on a journey of self discovery......and you may be pleasantly surprised that many of the things on your list are within your control to change.
Thank you for sharing.
gentle hugs
That's quite a list. Hopefully, sometime....you'll be able to make a list that counters those things. A list of what you have done for you. A list of what you have learned.
You are on a journey of self discovery......and you may be pleasantly surprised that many of the things on your list are within your control to change.
Thank you for sharing.
gentle hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 105
lost17... i try too not to think about him all the time...it was so hard before when my life was all about HIM...now i kind of have some events going on that are my own...i got a new job...my first job .He is still a major part of my thoughts and sleep though..keep on trying...maybe someday we'll get there.
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