Al-Anon Questions
Clever Yak
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
Al-Anon Questions
Hey there, I haven't posted on this section for a while cause well.. I haven't had much of a reason to but I have some questions 
.
There are no ACOA meetings or Nar-Anon meetings in my area so if I do actually get to one, it'll have to be Al-Anon. I've found myself hungry to find someone that actually does completely understand what I've been through and what I've taken away from living in the environment I have my whole life, and I kept thinking that maybe one day something would just click in the few friend's I've tried explaining it to and that they'd suddenly just get it, but that is a totally unrealistic expectation as they've never been through it themselves...I need to find something else. I'm thinking Al-Anon would be a good solution but I have a few questions that maybe somebody would like to give their opinion on?
First, I've tried AA/NA before and I didn't really like it... I'm well over a year clean and I've got there on my own and partially by using SMART Recovery and this board. I'm wondering if that means I won't really like Al-Anon all that much either because I believe they also revolve around the steps (though they have their own version). What do you think?
Second, would Al-Anon welcome a recovering addict? I don't want them to feel like I'm infiltrating their group or feel like they're going to offend me if they start talking about their addicts...would it be better if I didn't even mention it at all?
Lastly, Al-Anon doesn't tend to drag in religious beliefs right? I mean you have your HP and all but do they tend to get real "churchy"?
I've been to these types of meetings in the past but I was so young then that I don't think it ever really soaked in. I was contemplating trying it again. My dad my be dead and I'm out of that sort of environment, but growing up there still has had its affects on me, and like I mentioned earlier, I still want someone that really does understand.
Thanks for all your help!
.There are no ACOA meetings or Nar-Anon meetings in my area so if I do actually get to one, it'll have to be Al-Anon. I've found myself hungry to find someone that actually does completely understand what I've been through and what I've taken away from living in the environment I have my whole life, and I kept thinking that maybe one day something would just click in the few friend's I've tried explaining it to and that they'd suddenly just get it, but that is a totally unrealistic expectation as they've never been through it themselves...I need to find something else. I'm thinking Al-Anon would be a good solution but I have a few questions that maybe somebody would like to give their opinion on?
First, I've tried AA/NA before and I didn't really like it... I'm well over a year clean and I've got there on my own and partially by using SMART Recovery and this board. I'm wondering if that means I won't really like Al-Anon all that much either because I believe they also revolve around the steps (though they have their own version). What do you think?
Second, would Al-Anon welcome a recovering addict? I don't want them to feel like I'm infiltrating their group or feel like they're going to offend me if they start talking about their addicts...would it be better if I didn't even mention it at all?
Lastly, Al-Anon doesn't tend to drag in religious beliefs right? I mean you have your HP and all but do they tend to get real "churchy"?
I've been to these types of meetings in the past but I was so young then that I don't think it ever really soaked in. I was contemplating trying it again. My dad my be dead and I'm out of that sort of environment, but growing up there still has had its affects on me, and like I mentioned earlier, I still want someone that really does understand.
Thanks for all your help!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Good to see you (((((Jason))))).
Okay, first, I got sober in AA and at 3 years started going to AlAnon. Totally different. Different atmosphere. Different perspective on the steps and much understanding and compassion about me growing up with an alcoholic father and a mother spaced out on Valium. I am called a 'double winner' and you will be too.
I personally have found AlAnon to be much more laid back about HP than AA or NA.
And yes, even though your father has now passed I do believe that AlAnon can help you come to grips with how you were forced to live and help you to put it behind you and continue to be a productive member of society today.
It is so good to see you posting Jason! Please don't be a stranger. I think of you often and wonder how you are doing.
Love and hugs,
Okay, first, I got sober in AA and at 3 years started going to AlAnon. Totally different. Different atmosphere. Different perspective on the steps and much understanding and compassion about me growing up with an alcoholic father and a mother spaced out on Valium. I am called a 'double winner' and you will be too.
I personally have found AlAnon to be much more laid back about HP than AA or NA.
And yes, even though your father has now passed I do believe that AlAnon can help you come to grips with how you were forced to live and help you to put it behind you and continue to be a productive member of society today.
It is so good to see you posting Jason! Please don't be a stranger. I think of you often and wonder how you are doing.
Love and hugs,
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
What I love about Al Anon is that the only "requirement" for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Sometimes that makes me laugh out loud.
Who DOESN'T know an alcoholic? that's why I tell my friends that just about everyone can go to Al Anon.
Most groups say if you are a member of another 12 step program , they want you to not talk about the other one and instead focus on al anon principles while you're at a meeting. It gives you some great tools for how to peacefully co exist with others - family members, loved ones, friends, co workers etc.
Al Anon does have its own interpretation of the 12 steps - while still keeping the focus on self and not on others.... keeping your own side of the street clean and understanding powerlessness over the disease and over others' choices.
They also use the term Higher Power, but I've known many who chose to make the collective wisdom of the room their own higher power. Whatever works, ya know?
I hope you go, and I hope you're able to get something out of it.
Hugs
Cats
Who DOESN'T know an alcoholic? that's why I tell my friends that just about everyone can go to Al Anon.
Most groups say if you are a member of another 12 step program , they want you to not talk about the other one and instead focus on al anon principles while you're at a meeting. It gives you some great tools for how to peacefully co exist with others - family members, loved ones, friends, co workers etc.
Al Anon does have its own interpretation of the 12 steps - while still keeping the focus on self and not on others.... keeping your own side of the street clean and understanding powerlessness over the disease and over others' choices.
They also use the term Higher Power, but I've known many who chose to make the collective wisdom of the room their own higher power. Whatever works, ya know?
I hope you go, and I hope you're able to get something out of it.
Hugs
Cats
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi Jason, Good to see ya! I went to several different Alanon and Naranon groups before I found the one that felt like a really good fit for me. They all have the same basic foundation, but some groups are more focused on working the steps, or looking at traditions, etc while others do more on topics and readings...The make up of the people in the group can be different too, as well as the size.
My point I guess is that if you find the first time isn't quite what you like, don't give up - try maybe a different group. Perhaps in time I would have grown comfortable in any of the meetings I went to, but I'm not very outgoing and I really was in a bad spot and longed for something to help. When I went to what became my home group, I just felt a sense of peace and hope and acceptance almost from the moment I walked in the door. I hope you find that too. I know any group would be thrilled to have you.
My point I guess is that if you find the first time isn't quite what you like, don't give up - try maybe a different group. Perhaps in time I would have grown comfortable in any of the meetings I went to, but I'm not very outgoing and I really was in a bad spot and longed for something to help. When I went to what became my home group, I just felt a sense of peace and hope and acceptance almost from the moment I walked in the door. I hope you find that too. I know any group would be thrilled to have you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Jay))) - I've never been to al-anon, though I could probably benefit from it.
I can just tell you what went on with my AA meetings. I went in there, knowing I wasn't an alkie, but an addict, but I never mentioned it, except when I would talk with people outside, after the meeting. I heard some people say "I'm ----, a recovering addiction and alcoholic" and eventually started saying that.
I found a LOT of the alcoholics had problems with addicts in their lives, and they were genuinely interested in me. We had many "meetings after meetings". I also eventually realized that when someone shared what they went through, though it was a diffenent substance, it hit home with me.
I'm a codie, I'm an RA....I've gotten tons of help, here, from others who are the same. I think it's great that you're wanting to go, and hope you find the meetings fit you just fine.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I can just tell you what went on with my AA meetings. I went in there, knowing I wasn't an alkie, but an addict, but I never mentioned it, except when I would talk with people outside, after the meeting. I heard some people say "I'm ----, a recovering addiction and alcoholic" and eventually started saying that.
I found a LOT of the alcoholics had problems with addicts in their lives, and they were genuinely interested in me. We had many "meetings after meetings". I also eventually realized that when someone shared what they went through, though it was a diffenent substance, it hit home with me.
I'm a codie, I'm an RA....I've gotten tons of help, here, from others who are the same. I think it's great that you're wanting to go, and hope you find the meetings fit you just fine.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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