tam

last week was my 1st time attending support group for divorce/seperation/widow. It seemed okay except for a big mouth guy who
was aggressive answering a question I had. The people there socialize outside the group which is fine but I am not up to that yet. Last night I went again despite what happened last week. It started off pretty good,but then
they all starting talking about where they get together to party etc.etc.
what upset me was, they started laughing about a bar they go to called the crack house and made fun of "going to the crackhouse" or "who's house is a crack house", I didnt find this funny and was hurt that knowing my situation they would make fun of it. I remained quite and others talked, but it seemed everyone cross talks and some get nasty with answers and it gets more confusing..anyway, one lady announced her divorce was finalized this week and talked about it which I felt was great, I asked her a few questions about
the process and another young girl saids to me "you need to do research more on divorce, go the library and get a book, they even have a book for dummies, your wasting your money on your attorney when in fact you should learn these things on your own"...wow!! I kept my cool, but was about to lose it..
Most of the people there are educated with good paying jobs and divorced due to cheating.
I feel out of place, I felt like a low life. my divorce is because of addiction, my husband needs money and the couple he is living with need money. He is ill. I am lost and confused and overwhelmed because of that and the divorce proceedings are just getting more upset.
I am thinking that maybe Im not strong enough emotionally to go there. I also dont party and thats all they seem to do.
I feel out of place and quite honestly last night I cried myself to sleep.
They made me feel stupid and laughing about "crack houses" made me feel low.
I just wish there were some support groups for spouses of addicts that are going through a divorce or seperation that can relate to having to deal with
both issues.
any suggestions would be appreciated..I know I shouldnt let this get to me, but I thought divorce support would help me get through this and get me out to talk to others..I dont know where to turn now and have taken a few steps back

MsPINKAcres

((tam))

I hate so much that your situation and your feelings were discounted by what sounds like a very unsensative group!!

BIG HUGS to you!!

I hate it when someone uses the term "Crackwhores" - I have finally gotten brave enough if it is someone I know to say

"Please don't use that term - you know that girl has a mother somewhere and that mom still sees her as her little girl and her heart is breaking. Yes this awful disease may cause my daughter to sell her body to support her habit, but I'm sure you wouldn't want your daughter called that name and I'm asking you not to use it my presence."

So anyway - maybe this "support" group is not the one for you - but don't give up hope honey - just like not all al-anon meetings are the same - I don't believe all support groups are the same. Hopefully there will be a different one that you can attend for the support you need.

As far as the young girl that decided to "tell you what to do" - that is why SR encourages people to give suggestions not advice or orders ~ we have not walked in your shoes, neither has this young girl.
We nor she does not know all the specifics to your situation and with a smile you could share with her if you wanted . . .

"Thanks for your suggestions, but I have some special circumstances that I am not at liberty to discuss with everyone at this time and your suggestions will not work for me. But thanks for caring."
and if she keeps on - you could tell her to "shut the heck up and mind your own business" - ok probably not really the best thing to do ~ but thought it might make you smile!!!!!!!

PINK HUGS!!
Rita

lc1972

I am sorry you are having such a hard time especially when reaching out for support. Do they know why you are at this group? Is there a person in charge of the group you can maybe speak to?

Also I know at the Alanon group I attend there were many with the same issues and in the process of getting a divorce. In my thoughts I feel as if I am being cheated on when my AH uses, because he is chosing something over me and his family. In fact about half of the group was due to substance abuse not alcohol.

The fact that you are reaching out for support is progress in my opinion not stepping backwards. So be proud of yourself you are going through a very difficult time. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

tam

I have decided this group isnt for me and not going to get upset and continue going there. I didnt think talking about where to party for an hour had anything to do with divorce support nor did I find that being aggressive towards new people kind either. they have been going there for many,many years so it seems to me its a click group.

mspinkacres: thanks for the laugh, I couldnt think of a kind way to say something to this girl so I didnt say anything,lol.., but in my mind thought of some things I wanted to say..funny, this girl is fooling around with another member and she didnt even file divorce yet..

ic1972: your right!! I am proud that Im reaching out and will continue to do so..

I might get kicked when Im down, but I do get up.
so just now I found 2 brand new divorce support groups for newbies that is starting this week at local churches ..meetings only run for a few weeks and are for dealing with emotional and financial/legal issues only!!